I’m British, born and raised. English too, if you want to get specific.

I came over to live in France in my early twenties, and I’ve been here for the last 14 years.

The longer I live here, the less I miss my home country. Perhaps the trend will reverse when I reach retirement, but as a younger-than-middle-aged parent climbing towards the peak of my career, I’m happy where I am, thank you very much.

In the beginning, I longed for Marmite and bourbon biscuits, and even imported my favourite products for a while. That’s stopped now, and I’ve come to accept that France’s food is just better. It’s not a stereotype, I can assure you.

Of course, I miss my family and friends, and there’s a certain keep-calm-and-carry-on attitude that I feel is lacking here. But I have enough contact with the UK and a handful of British friends here to fill that void.

One thing I love about the UK though is the complete irreverence when it comes to language. Nothing is safe from gentle mockery, and it’s proof of the British self-deprecating humour and eccentric wit. Well, I think so anyway, although some would just call it childish.

It’s British slang, and there’s nothing else in the world quite like it (except maybe in Australia).

Platty Jubes

I should explain the title of this story in case anyone is unfamiliar with the term. Hey, I was too, until my septuagenarian father wrote it in an email at the weekend.

Platty Jubes, or Platty Joobs, is the affectionate (and informal) nickname for Queen Elizabeth II’s Platinum Jubilee. Her Royal Maj’ has been on the throne for 70 years, and celebrations were held across the UK and beyond at the weekend.

It makes perfect sense, really. Why say “Platinum Jubilee” when you can say “Platty Jubes”, or even “Platty Joobs”?

Is the spelling important? Yes, it would seem so:

Yup, it sounds like it should be an entry in Urban Dictionary (it’s not, I’ve checked).

Boaty McBoatface

Platty Jubes isn’t the first time the British public has got free ‘n’ easy with an otherwise serious affair. Allow me to reminisce briefly about “Boaty McBoatface”.

If you’re not familiar with the story, (and let’s face it, if you weren’t living in the UK in 2016, why would you be?) here it is in a nutshell:

In 2016, the Natural Environment Research Council launched an online poll to find a name for its new polar research ship. A BBC radio presenter put forward “Boaty McBoatface”. The public voted overwhelmingly for this suggestion, and the boat was finally named… RRS Sir David Attenborough. Sorry for the anti-climax.

Interestingly, though, the episode made its mark on the English language. The term “McBoatfacing” was coined, meaning to “make the critical mistake of letting the internet decide things”. Has anyone actually used this term since? Yes!

The obnoxious side of British slang

It’s fun, right? Hmm, sometimes. Not everyone enjoys such lexical lightheartedness, and occasionally it just goes too far.

For example, “Panny D”. I’ve just learnt this one. It’s slang for “pandemic”. ‘Nuff said.

Holibobs? As in, “Where are you going on your holibobs?”.

And the worst offender (in my opinion): “I’m off to Bedfordshire” (I’m going to bed).

Have you got any examples of British slang you just… can’t? I would love to read them in the comments!

However, British slang is nothing new

It’s no surprise that for a nation to come up with something as sophisticated as “Platty Jubes”, it would need literally centuries of practice.

I was delighted to see this do the rounds on social media recently:

“Got the morbs” is my favourite, how about you?

And let’s not forget Cockney rhyming slang (from London) such as “apples and pears” (stairs), “trouble and strife” (wife), and the charming “bees and honey” (money). For more examples, and the explanations behind the rhymes, you can read this article.

Perhaps we can thank Shakespeare for this slangtastic heritage — it’s said that he alone introduced up to 1,700 words to the English language, either creating brand-new ones, or by changing nouns into verbs or verbs into adjectives, connecting words, or adding prefixes and suffixes.

Wonder what he’d think about Platty Jubes?

Thanks for reading! 💚

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