Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash

I wrote this in honor of Father’s Day. No matter your ethnicity read this with your father in mind and thank him for his love and support.

My wife and I decided to go to breakfast on the first day of my summer break since I am a teacher. I've taught summer school for the last several years, but this year I decided to work only my part-time job and work on several other projects for myself, such as writing. However, this isn't the subject of this particular post.

We settled on a national chain breakfast spot. While we waited, I noticed another brother( a black man, if you didn't know) sitting in a booth with his little girl. I gave him the customary head nod all black men employ as that universal what's up, my fellow black man. He nodded back.

After the greeting, I began to think about black fatherhood in America. Here was a young brother sharing a meal with his little girl and enjoying his time with her. I've been told since I was in college that black fathers are absent. It seemed that deadbeat and black dad were synonymous. We don't take care of our kids. We like to do what it takes to create life, but the mother's problem is the nine months and the rest of it.

I grew up in what some would call the hood. My neighborhood wasn't that bad until crack came and turned desperate people into crack dealers and crack heads.

However, I remember several friends who had their fathers in their lives. I had friends who didn't have their dads around, but overall, plenty of boys in my age group had their fathers, and this was the 80s.

My dad was always there. My parents were married for almost forty years before my mom died. He wasn't the hands-on type of dad, but he paid the bills and kept me fed. I had all needed to thrive. My parents had a horrible marriage, which affected me during my adult life. They should have separated, but I believe my dad would have taken care of me either way.

All of my cousins had their fathers. Even when some divorced, my uncles were still in their kids' lives. So this narrative of all the ills in the hood being placed on the absence of black fathers was alien until I began to read and absorb the propaganda about black men.

It's not true and is an organized attack on black fatherhood.

Black fathers are more involved than you think

“The heart of a father is the masterpiece of nature.”
― Prevost Abbe, Manon Lescaut

I became a father at the age of 27 in August of 1998. I was unprepared and scared out of my mind. I hadn't taken care of anyone but myself. The car seat was alien to me. It took me ten minutes for me to figure it out. The little guy's head bobbed from side to side as I tried to secure the most critical responsibility I ever had. However, I was determined as a father, a black father, to do the best I could. I was going to buck what society said black dads were- worthless.

However, I didn't realize at the time I wasn't an anomaly in late 90's America.

Black parents not being married or not together in a relationship does not reduce the involvement of black fathers. About 70 percent of black children are born out of wedlock. However, that's been on the rise across all races.

The first black president echoed that more than half of black kids live in single-parent homes, and the lack of a father leads to behavior issues, dropping out of school, and committing crimes. Even the president, who was an excellent father, spit these same falsehoods from his lips.

Now I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge I have anecdotal evidence there is some correlation between crime in our community and the lack of a reliable or present father figure.

I teach at a local juvenile detention center. I've asked how many kids had a relationship with their dad. Most said they hadn't seen him in some time or that he was locked up or was a bad influence when he was around.

My facility is primarily male and African American, and they have committed a litany of crimes. I have four accused murderers in my facility at the moment. The youngest is 16 years old.

I don't know how this plays out in other JDCs, but I bet they get some of the same answers about fatherly involvement.

The majority of black dads do live with their kids. That's about 2.4 million black men in their kids' daily lives.

I am friends with a black man who raised three boys alone. The mother left years ago but didn't take the kids or was active in their lives. He made mistakes, but he was there every day and involved in their academics. I believe all his boys, except the one killed, earned their diplomas.

Furthermore, black fathers are more involved than fathers of other races who live with their kids. Black men are more likely to bathe, feed and diaper their children.

Instead of running from their responsibility, they are sprinting to change diapers and fix bottles in the middle of the night more than a white guy.

When asked, black mothers had surprising things to say about their "baby daddy's" involvement. It was found that non-resident white and Hispanic fathers were less likely to be involved with their children than black men.

Black moms agreed that black guys do take care of their kids. Even after the relationship was over, black dads still were involved. There is a decline in father involvement when a relationship ends; however, the decline was less dramatic for black men.

When a brother was told his stuff was on the left, like the Beyonce hit, he took his belongings but didn't abandon his kids. It seems other races removed their stuff and told the momma she could keep the kids.

Final thoughts

I want to congratulate all the men out there who are working diligently to be good fathers whether they are stepfathers, or biological fathers or just spiritual fathers.

T. D. Jakes

Parenting is the most rewarding and challenging job any human can do in their life. If you are black, it can be even more daunting as you try to teach your progeny about the history of our country and how to manage the racism embedded in the systems of America. However, we as a people have survived and continue to thrive in the face of a stiffly polarized nation on race and politics.

I must address how we arrived at the idea that black fathers are mostly absent in their children's lives. It goes back to 1965, several years before this author was born.

Daniel Moynihan, The Secretary of Labor, published a report titled "The Negro Family: The Case for National Action." The report said the rate of out-of-wedlock births among Afroamerican women and the rise of homes managed by single black women were leading to the destruction of the black family. The report said this was the cause of most of the issues in the black community.

This report was a standard-bearer for years as the foundational reason for the issues plaguing black America. Of course, we know this isn't true, but it's still echoed over 55 years later. Systemic racism and the legacy of slavery and Jim Crow are only a few primary reasons for the issues in our black communities.

The report has haunted the black dad for way too long.

I want to honor my fellow black dads in this post this Father's Day.

I want to celebrate those who pick up their little girl and hug them daily.

I want to uplift the black dad who sits at little league to cheer their boy even after a long day at work.

Finally, I must pour accolades on the black dad who tells his kids to honor their ancestors and the importance of education.

I respect dads of all races who are toeing the line. First, however, I had to set the record straight about how involved black men are in their kids' lives.

Thanks for reading, and peace.