I have similar experiences. I’ve tried to start measuring dollar spent per hour of use for gear. More equipment lowers hours on alternatives, so when I find myself not using equipment, I’m happy to just sell it and accept that my optimism is greater than my free time. I also almost always buy used, which saves a good deal of depreciation. Gumtree here in the UK has been a good way to get rid of things, and I managed to sell an internet radio if had for a decade on eBay recently!

Isn't it just that you only have 24h in a day,
so unless you're buying a better version of an item that you currently possess and use (a more powerfull, faster microwave, electric screwdriverm,...) you have to determine what current activity you will do less of to incorporate the new purchase/activity?

The other thing is always do you buy it for the "shiny new thing/cool gadget" aspect and "consumerist joy" or do you buy it for the activity itself...

In the case of the bicycle I'd recommend getting a shitty second hand/police auction one, oxford being a university town I'm sure they have plenty of both. Than if you truly take up cycling and truly love it you could upgrade to the one with all the fancy gears. Otherwise you'll make someone extremely happy by putting it outside with a "free for who needs it" bicycle.

A bike is a great way to travel shorter distances, especially when the weather is ok. You don't need a £1000+ bike with fancy gears just to cycle around town. And it is more likely to get stolen. I suggest getting something more modest and see how you get on.

https://417bikepark.co.uk/ rent fancy bikes. But they expect you to use them on there scary downhill course.

Why not try renting for the first while? Or taking an equipment-supplied class in the activity to make sure you enjoy it?

Then, once you are sure you want to to it, you'll have a better understanding of which tools or equipment will work for you.

Even then, you can follow Adam Savage's (Mythbusters) advice and buy the best, low-end stuff and use it until it breaks. Then you know for sure it's worth the time and money to buy the good stuff.

Immediately I thought these are not Hell Yeah actions. Now Hell Yeah as I think you mean it is like a snapping idea that you immediately know yes that´s it.
As always in life I think there is quality in both Hell Yeah and Daydreaming. The classic answer: you only know the right answer in retrospect.

I have had an Amazon account for almost 20 years and at intervals I make myself go through every purchase I've ever made (they have complete chronological order histories) through them. You can see your life change and develop through your purchases and know what you were doing, where you were living and what was important to you at that time in your life. It can be quite fascinating. In any case, most of the items I bought ended up not changing my life significantly, though some did. Figuring out the equation for utility is difficult and perhaps each purchase is an experiment that might bring us closer to knowing what matters.

Idealism vs curiosity?

The simple fact of envisioning ourselves in an "ideal setup" might be the cause. Then we're driven by the idea, which is an event (i.e. "I created cool music using a Maschine").

I noticed that when I'm simply driven by curiosity, use/do things longer. It is more process focused ("what does it feel like to do X or Y? I don't know but let's find out")

In essence, daydreaming is usually about "wanting to have done" more than really "wanting to do". We watch a video about someone who does it and it's already cool before we even tried it.

An economist would call this "revealed preference." Your actions reveal what you really consider important enough to pursue/obtain.

(Two economists were walking down the street when they saw a Porsche. One economist said, "I really want one of those." The other one said, "Clearly not.")

If I only doubled down on what I naturally tend to do, I'd become even more of an introvert, spending all day reading, working online, and talking to my cat.

There has never been an outing I have regretted doing, activity I have regretted trying, or people I have regretted meeting, which is what I remind myself of to get myself out of the house.

I consider purchases in pursuit of a dream as the cost of being alive, the cost of trying new things, the cost of being able to move on from something having tried it. It's really easy to sell used stuff now and giving it away makes other people happy.

'Tis better to have tried tried and regretted, than never to have tried at all.

I'm sure all humans are guilty of this, but what to do is a great question. I think the best place to start is the "know yourself" adage and run probability predictions from there. Examples:

I like the idea of biking for a workout, or for a tri, but I don't really draw a ridiculously amount of pleasure in it, and I love so many other things that I know it's not going to beat out my other hobbies, so I'd buy a used good bike and give it a try, see if you can incorporate into a habit and really enjoy it before diving in totally.

I love surfing but where I live it is better for kiteboarding. As much as I daydream about being an awesome kiteboarder I know it's just one more hobby that will cost a lot and I'll forever be pining about how I can muster time to actually do it. And while I'm sure I'd enjoy the thrill, it's just something I wouldn't prioritize over regular surfing or my other hobbies.

Music gear: when I played with others I really enjoyed it and bought pedals and multiple guitars and amps, but when I moved away and got married I don't play with others anymore and I don't find enough interest playing by myself to drive me to squirrel away time...so I don't buy gear anymore. The lesson for me was to know the context: if something that has enough drive to compel me to play by myself, then it's a good item. For example, I'll surf any day by myself, so wetsuits and board purchases are barely a thought - I buy them.

Basically, for any of these, figure out what's the likelihood based on the context. If you're not willing to change the context (join a club, or band, or bike to work every day, etc), and the likelihood is low, then rent or borrow or be happy with current goals/hobbies. But by all means, never stop testing and trying out things as you never know where they lead, but manage the downside (whether monetary or just feeling guilty about buying unnecessary things, or buying desirable things and not using).

How about trying together with a friend or two? It sounds like you buy stuff for individual use only. Biking or playing an instrument is so much more fun when you do it with other people, at least that's my experience. Also, doing it in a group you can lend a tool from a friend, try it and get advice on what to buy.

I don't know about any of that stuff, but carbon, steel, aluminum, bamboo, wood, or whatever you've got...you should definitely be riding bikes.

My .02.

Rent first. In everything. If you continue renting for a long period, then consider buying.

I think you should continue trying new things, but try do it in such a way that you do not need to buy stuff. Renting, borrowing... If you want to throw money at it, taking a course can be fun. There's a huge difference between not having tried something at all and having tried it just a little bit.

My experience with synths has been similar to your experience with Maschine. I daydreamed of buying a synth, but never bought it. When I finally got to try it at a library, I realized that I wouldn't have used it much! Playing it wasn't nowhere as fun as I thought it would be.

https://sive.rs/uncomf

Couldn't help linking to this. I have it bookmarked and have it front and center. Not only for the big things in life, but also the small things. Like some of the things you mention.

Today I made time to take the first baby step to start my travel journey. Later today I will make time to start reading a book with my teenage daughter again. Feels great. I know I have to be very conscious about these things I say I want to do, spend the will power to get started, and remove as much obstacles as I can along the way (https://tynan.com/luxury).

I think all your conclusions are right, somehow.

I think we can easily get distracted by wanting new things cause it seems cool. I think I do just the same as you, finding many reasons for it to be a good idea/investment.

Now I try to focus on what I have and avoid at maximum to get new things, especially if there's a long learning curve. I know I can do so much with what I have and go deeper.

Then I also don't like to possess many things. I feel such a sense of relief when I get rid of things. I could get things just to be able to enjoy the feeling of getting rid of them everyday (jk).

Someday I might go on a travel mostly by walking, with a small backpack with just the essential. A notepad. A pen. Living several weeks (months?) with only that. Not even my laptop or phone (well, not sure about this, but for sure I'd go for full days without).

So at the moment, for myself, I'd go with the "Give up on trying new things, and just amplify my current focus" – cause I know I have everything I need to accomplish what I want, and anything else is mostly a distraction from my priorities.

I'd conclude that when you try something new, you are not likely to stick with it. I bet that holds for most people. Knowing that, you should try new things without investing a lot into them. There are lots of ways to do that. You could rent, buy used and resell, borrow, etc.

Hi Derek,
I see you are doing your non-patented "Derek Sivers echo location like a bat" to get some sense of this topic. And your readers are really coming through with feedback. Hurray!

May I appear to digress? And "kill two birds with one stone?" You previously asked about heroes. Surely one of mine is William Saroyan who's book "The Human Comedy" I have read aloud to adults. (They liked it) Unlike a novel, it has chapter-stories, each with an opening illustration, and I find this book to be very sympathetic to people... including daydreamers.

Another hero is Jerome K.Jerome who's funny book from the 19th century is still in print. Again, written in discrete chapters, not like a tragedy. (with a plot leading to a climax) For Jerome's classic you can set it down after any chapter. It's about camping, (but not in New Zealand) called "Three Men in a Boat (To say nothing of the dog)"

Why is it classic? Because, like you, Derek, he does metaphors. His tale only appears to be about boat camping. One scene I have found quite instructive.

You may recall that even before the Boy Scout movement was founded, people said the out-of-doors was good for their character. No wonder Jerome gets up early in the morning to grab a towel and go for a dip in the river. He climbs out on to a tree branch. As he is contemplating his common-sense daydream of being virtuous like everybody else, he can hear his two companions in the tent talking about him, and they are saying that an invigorating morning dip is too silly. They remain in their warm blankets.

Today when everybody says it is common sense on Saturday morning to get out in the sunlight and fresh air, I think of Jerome's two companions... and I will not condemn someone who stays inside to watch cartoons or play video games.

Interesting note Derek. Whenever I think of something new like a video game or a hobby, I tell myself to sit on it for a year before getting into it. The absurdity long time is just to test whether or not I'm still into whatever it was. Many ideas don't make it past a week or a month. The ones that make it past a year become lifelong hobbies for me.

In my experience, there is no conclusion, other than to be thoughtful about trying or buying new things before I do.

Some things become a focus of new experience, others do not. It's impossible to know for myself before I try it for myself. Interrogate myself before I want to try it or buy it. Why? What for? Is this useful? Long term or short term?

I should not forbid myself from the new because something was less valuable than I imagined. Nor should I believe that each new thing will be of great value to me.

Try it. Test it. Let it go or relish in it.

I recently read about the difference between needs and wants because, as pretty much everybody, I suffer from gear acquisition syndrome (photography in my case, but a long time ago I also bought a Maschine, you're not alone :)) but I try to heal myself.

Needs = you need it to realize something, a purpose
Wants = you just want it, but there is no underlying purpose

Problem is, when you don't have a purpose, the world become a vast place and you keep trying new things because you don't fix yourself on something. When you have a purpose, then you just work toward that and nothing else is important for you.

So ask yourself why. Why do you need a bike? Where do you want to go? Why do you want to go camping? Maybe just to spend a good time with your partner or friends? Or to do photography? Or discover new place? Why do you want to make music? To convey an emotion? Send a message? etc...

And also we quickly forget about the why, we have to work it out and remind ourselves about it, daily. Though it's easy to delegate that task to a post-it note. :)

It's a cost of doing business. I bought a treadmill and it collects dust. But I bought a barbell set and have used it several times a week for seven years. I use my Insta-pot a lot, my Sous-vide cooker sometimes, my barbecue grill hardly ever.

Each purchase is an experiment. Most fail. But some stick, and sometimes these have enriched my life. Also, making a monetary investment can encourage commitment. Which could be good. Or it can be misplaced.

I vote you keep experimenting in low-stakes ways when the daydreamed upside is appealing. Thank you for your writing!

I budget myself to buy/try one thing a month, for satisfying curiosity or for the experience.

When something comes up from daydreaming, I would write it down, wait until next month(or next available month), and if it's something I still want to try or get, I would execute.

After realizing it wasn't for the long run, item is sold.(sometimes its rented)

I was frustrated last week because I realized I hadn't done much camping at all in the summer. Monday morning I told my girlfriend I might go camping so I wouldn't see her until Tuesday night. In the afternoon I packed up my stuff, put it on my bike and got on the 4:00 train out of town. It was only one night but it was awesome. I found a place next to a river at dusk, made dinner on my stove and later I leaned out of my tent for a few minutes looking at all the stars. I had never seen the big dipper so clear and large.

When I made it back to work the next day I was tired but in such a better mood. My girlfriend didn't know what to think since she didn't see the logic in one night of camping. It felt like two nights to me. Camping doesn't make sense, but it's in all of us to return to our roots.

There are no mistakes. Sometimes the wrong choices, bring the right results....too soon to tell. :)

A huge difference from renting or buying

Hi Derek!

You can always review your notes about "Stumbling on happiness". I've found Professor Gilbert's ideas very useful on cases similar to the ones you mentioned.

And I also like prototyping: trying to have the experience in the fastest and easiest way. And, if I like it, I'll go a step further.

So yes, renting or borrowing stuff are good prototypes :)

I've noticed sometimes it is the desire of something that intrigues and attracts me. For example, I'll really want to buy a book on gardening or pruning or astrology. And when it arrives it can sit on the shelf unread.

So I now I think twice or more about purchases.

Is it that we like the idea of something but when we have it, it's no longer pulling at us with our desire? I sincerely was excited until it arrived.
Before, it's pure potential! After, it's narrowed down to reality. — Derek

I do this often. Adult tricycle comes to mind. In the end, it may not be as you thought, but you have the experience. And the story, with whatever lessons it brings. There's also something to be said about getting it out of your system.

I love researching my wants. Do I need another drum set, E-drum, or mic? No, I've had them all, and my few remaining are good enough. All the others went on eBay, then Craig's, then Facebook. Unlike my wife, I don't hang on to anything I don't use. I look at the money I lost as rental. Ultimately, researching is the most exciting part.

But now and then something "sticks", and was a good, useful buy. Something that simplified my setup, made work more enjoyable. Makes me smile every time I use it (like my old motorcycle).

You gotta try new things.

Sometimes you just have to pump up the flat basketball already waiting for you in the corner of the room.

Rent and try before you buy could apply...but never stop daydreaming...

Its not easy to judge things. Everything you get comes with a cost of time. Time is the most important thing in you're life beyond the basics of survival. So you walk in the store and see these CDs for learning a new language. I've been a sucker for that more than once. Then the problem is, a language takes quantum amounts of time. I can't find enough time for composing, production, mixing & mastering and never mind all of the other things that are essential to life.

So after making that mistake enough times, I walk past the learn Italian products and all I see is something sitting there which will eat into the time I need for other things. Dunque.

On the other hand, when I've gotten a bike, I used it constantly. Buying a bass rather than trying to talk people into working on my pieces saved infinite time and got MUCH more work done. Many music related software's have been indispensable and I never understand how important the would be when I bought them. There have been so many things I've gotten that were worth 1000s more than they cost in utility and enjoyment while there have been many waste things that you regret getting.

The moral is, do you best to guess but you're going to have to embrace some of the failures to get to the surprise wonderful purchases.

I try not to buy something unless I can answer for myself the question: where will this fit into my life?

Both spatially and, more importantly, temporally. When will I make time to use this new item? How often do I see that being? is that enough to be worth the downsides of owning more stuff?

If I’m not sure, I try to borrow one from a library or friend (or rent perhaps - not done that yet).

Your mistake was building up expectations for something rather than just buying it and playing with it.

I love this one!

I follow that process so I don’t have a cigarette. I daydream about how good it would be and then actively make myself remember the guilt and pain I will suffer if I have one.

And before I make the decision to buy something I remind myself of the remorse I will suffer if I don’t like/ use the thing and only buy when I am prepared to accept the consequence of these feelings if things don’t work out. It is a great method to reduce impulse buying.

I used this same strategy one time when I was a bit lost trying to get my son to a party. I needed to do U-turn but was at a set of lights where doing one was safe but illegal. As I waited for the light to change I had a little conversation with myself making sure I was willing to accept the consequences. As Murphy would have it, there was a police car on the other side of the road. He pulled me over but I didn’t feel nervous or angry because I had already decided to be ok with this consequence. I told him I was lost and late getting my son to a party and funnily enough he didn’t give me a ticket but an escort to the party venue 😂

> I thought it would be fun to get a new bicycle.

It has to be easy...grab a helmet, hop on a bike no matter what you're wearing, and pedal around. I've had fun riding on the bike path with the kids this summer. If the weather is good, I can put the bikes on the car and go to the trails with our son.

Also see: "the smaller the boat, the more it gets used."

Yeah, i only think of downside and not to waste. You save money but you miss some experiences.

Realising it is not the materials that makes the dream. Sometime having the dream is better than owning materials. ;)

I'm starting something that you've touched on in a previous post.

Costs withstanding, by actually trying something you've been thinking about you take it out of your head. By not trying, it remains excess mental baggage. Your hours of research, articles, videos and reading comment forums are now done and won't take up any more of your future time.

I'm starting to learn that it's better to fail the attempt rather than to carry it around with me.

I'm late to the buyer's remorse discussion here. I think many people in the situation you described might assume that not fully utilizing these items is inherently a wasteful mistake. However, I would point to the 'We'll see' Buddhist Zen story where the wise man keeps repeating the refrain "we'll see" after every seemingly bad and good thing that happens to him. Why should fate alone be up for interpretation, why shouldn't we always reframe our conscious choices as well?

Exercise equipment is the most bought and least used thing in the world because it takes work and no one likes work they are not paid for.

I have this same problem. Daydreaming about a lot of things, starting but never going anywhere with it. It's been a big problem. I'm still single and broke because of it I think lol.

Now I have been doing my best to improve and be more aware of where I'm going and why. I even made a few YouTube videos about it, https://youtu.be/d-4GEnJZC1g.

So if I understand what your conclusion is, your going to try renting before committing to the new goal or dream?

I wanted to learn how to play the guitar better and I've found for me how vital it is to make it as easy as possible to pick up and play. It sits next to my bed and now I play before going to bed at night.

Other habits are harder to develop. like making YouTube videos weekly. The work flow is the hardest part right now. I record a lot of content but the process of pulling up the software and importing all the video. Then trying to find a story out of it is extremely time consuming. I find myself doing easier things instead.

I've read the book The Power of Habit and that was super helpful in helping me see how to develop more effective habits but it still doesn't help with the bigger dreams and projects. One day I hope to have an answer to daydreaming and daily actions.

Cheers
Jason Dreambig

It's one of those "human nature" kind of things, I think. Wanting something is generally not the same thing as having it. If a dog was able to chase down a car, he wouldn't know what to do with it, once he caught.

Hi Derek,

Concerning the questions…

The only mistake was buying instead of renting?... unless you have trouble putting food on the table, this doesn’t have to be a mistake.

Give up on trying new things, and just amplify my current focus?... According to my personal life’s philosophy, trying new (good) things is living. Don't give up on trying new things. (However let wisdom be your guide, not your heart).

Daydream and learn all about new things, but stop thinking I need to own them?...

Again, unless you have trouble putting food on the table, this doesn’t have to be a mistake either. I remember giving away a drum-kit thinking I’m not gonna need it anymore, only to need it again years later… I had to struggle to buy another one that cost half of the one I gave away for free. As a general rule, it is better to own things you don’t need, than to need things you don't/can’t have. (We never know what may come in handy in our future. Having “unnecessary” things in our storage room doesn’t have to be a bad thing. You never know).

Or maybe the mistake was giving up?... Giving up on something (good) you really need/want because it is hard to get, is a mistake. However, after getting that (good thing) you realize that it didn’t bring you the fulfillment you wanted/needed, then, giving it up and moving on to something new is the way to go (in my humble opinion).

Something else?... Yes... being imperfect makes it impossible for us to understand perfection… so we keep trying new (good) things… and those new things will bring us closer and closer to the meaning of life… the desire to live (enjoy) every day.

Thanks for sharing you thoughts with us.

Pardon me Derek… adding to my earlier comments on this blog post.

To the saying: “never give up on your dreams”…

The problem however with this saying is, that the word “dream” has different meanings to different people.

The “dreams” of someone can be influenced by many factors like “desires, wishes, illusions, fantasies, waywardness, expectancy, cultural tendencies, family traditions, etc. etc. (even envy and jealousy)…. and there, is it where it is perfectly ok (and advisable) to quit pursuing those “dreams”.

The word “dream” in this saying should be implicating: “what you are made of and made for”… in that case, keep pursuing your dreams at all costs and never give up.

Daydreaming is ok on all levels… but, before putting effort in pursuing a particular dream, one has to know first what he/she is made of and made for.

And there is where a mentor is an absolute blessing. Happy is the one who finds a great mentor. And the child, who finds one, finds a treasure. It will prevent him/her to have to experience avoidable pain that is caused by just pursuing any “dream”.

Cheers,

I wish I could let go of things sooner, even before starting them.
It takes so much energy and time to learn something new. By the years this becomes too much weight, too many hobbies to maintain, I wish I had no hobby, just enjoying things spontaneously without attachment to them. And don't get me wrong, I'm just talking about hobbies in general, I love having my own responsibilities, but sometimes I wish I was like my 3y.o niece; when she asks me to paint with her every time we meet she makes a few lines on the paper and 3 minutes later she's 100% concentrated in something else, she had no initial expectations, zero scheduled hobby time, I finish telling her I loved her art and that's it, she moves to something else.
It's so tiring trying to know and do everything, but maybe that’s the secret:
To learn to accept that things are not that complex and that we don't need to spend so much time trying to discover the “mystery” on them. Maybe.

I looked to see if there was a way to subscribe to your site but I don't see it. Is it by invitation only? I am somewhat absent minded and I don't want to lose this connection which I stumbled on through Seth Godin's daily email I receive. If all I have is the link to your site then that is fine, I just enjoyed the challenge of your words. They are refreshing.

the grass is always seems greener...until you get over the fence...

I have the similar experience

Reading this,I feel like I have the same "issue".I thought I wanted to grow plants, so I bought seeds, soil, pots,all the gears. I was excited when the seeds sprouted, but then they started to wither, I didnt know why and I couldn't care enough to look into how to nurture plants. So they all died, together with my plants growing plan. I wanted to learn guitar, so I bought a guitar and signed up for a course, I stopped learning guitar when the course ended. I thought it would be cool to learn Salsa, so I went with the thought and took a course, and then soon of course I just wasn't so interested anymore...
For me, those are moments of excitement which I tend to act on, because it doesn't come very often for me. Maybe in this case, like you said, to err on the side of YES, even knowing it won't go anywhere, still just go with it and get it over with?

I see some similarity to the Announcing your plans makes you less motivated to accomplish them concept.

Maybe the brain gets rewarded enough by the mere fact of purchasing new things and trying them once and then decides to quit.

Just thinking here — maybe a dissatisfaction driven contract with yourself is required to put them to use more often. Like, "I want this thing, but in order not to feel guilty about owning it without actually using it I will kick my soft spot if I don't use this new thing at least X hours and/or Y times a day/week/month/etc.".