There are many things in life we do, we want, or we have that just aren’t worth the time, effort, and mental turmoil that comes with it.

Often, I learned the hard way that the risk was never worth the reward. Because while they might look appealing — and they might be things we’re trained to desire — the pros never outweighed the cons.

Here are the things in life that aren’t worth it based on my experiences and lessons. I encourage you to read these with an open mind: They might help you avoid a lot of problems in the future.

Chasing the Perfect _______

The perfect partner. The perfect body. The perfect job. The perfect home.

There’s no such thing as perfect.

Look, it’s admirable to seek high standards and try your best. But your best isn’t perfect either. Perfection will never be attained and focusing on the “gap” between you and your ideal will always leave you falling short.

Instead, we should ask why we often feel the need to prove ourselves in the first place. Embrace your unchangeable imperfections. Life, ultimately, is a balance between effort and surrender.

“Ambivalent“ Friends

We know toxic relationships are bad, but “ambivalent” relationships — ones where you feel positive and negative emotions — can cause similar issues.

With friends like these, I often felt worse after spending time with them. Maybe you like them for various reasons, but they also lie, cheat, insult you, knock you down, or cause more stress in your life.

The good, however, doesn’t outweigh the bad. Ultimately, nothing impacts your happiness and health more than your relationships so be selective of your friends. Often, you don’t realize how much certain people affect you until you remove them from your life.

Trying to Convince People Who Won’t Listen

I know, I know — if you could just explain everything to someone, they would finally agree with you… right?

Wrong.

If someone isn’t receptive, do you really think you’ll change their mind? Chances are, you’ll just upset them and upset yourself while accomplishing nothing. I have no research to back this up, but I’ve noticed the people who argue the most are usually those who are most self-righteous about everything.

Do you need everyone to agree with you? If so, maybe you need to look at yourself and ask why.

Chasing People Who Aren’t Interested

Maybe this sounds familiar: You like someone and want to be their friend, date them, work with them, etc., but they just don’t put the same effort in return. Yet because you like them, you’re willing to keep trying.

Whenever I’ve done this, it failed. No matter how much I wanted to be someone’s friend, if they didn’t have the same level of interest in return, it just didn’t work — and I had to accept that they didn’t care as much as I did.

Realize what’s going on, let go, and look for something better.

Proving Yourself

The more I learn about life, the more I realize that virtually all of us — to some degree — try to prove ourselves and try to seek approval. Unless you want to be a monk, I’m not sure you’ll ever be completely free of this desire because it’s so embedded in our world.

But it’s never worth it. Doing things in order to show off how great, accomplished, or successful you are is a vain pursuit that leads to nowhere. Instead, try to become aware when you’re doing it; that way, at least, you can control your compulsion, not let it control you.

Playing the Victim

I used to blame a lot of things for my struggles, and I spent a lot of time wondering why other people got certain advantages, had life easier, etc.

Yet it did nothing for me and only came from low self-esteem and insecurities. Worse, by being a victim, I empowered outside factors, wasted energy, and felt angry and resentful.

Yes, there are institutionalized obstacles that are unfair and prejudiced. But I still had so much in my control—I could still capitalize on my opportunities, work hard, learn, and more.

Take full ownership of your life. Do what you can with your circumstances. Once you do, you empower yourself, stop wasting energy on unchangeable things, and start getting results.

Watching Others

Often, social media is less about sharing content and more about observing others. Yet the more you watch others, the worse you feel about your own life and the more you feel behind, even though you have no idea what their lives are really like.

“If we only wanted to be happy, it would be easy; but we want to be happier than other people, which is almost always difficult, since we think them happier than they are.”

— Charles de Montesquieu

The sad truth is many people exaggerate their lives on social media. Don’t fall for this trap. Stop watching others and wondering why your life can’t be more like them. Tune out the noise and focus on your priorities.

Chasing “Quick Money”

Gary Vaynerchuk — who I don’t always agree with — has a quote I like: “Fast money is dangerous money.”

Look, there’s nothing wrong with pursuing wealth, taking risks, etc. But if you’re only chasing trends or activities to get really rich really fast, it probably isn’t worth the risk.

Do your homework. Talk to experts. Challenge your assumptions. Protect the downside. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. And live to fight another day.

Trying to Change People

You cannot change people. You cannot remake people into who you want them to be. It’s not worth the effort.

I know people who have bad relationships with their parents, but they desperately hold onto the hope that, if they just say or do the right thing, their parents will eventually give them the love they’ve craved their entire lives. But it’s sad to watch because, ultimately, they can’t make their parents change.

Sure, if someone you care about is doing self-destructive things, you can say something and try to get them help. But they are the ones who are going to change themselves — and it’s up to them to listen.

Remember: The only person that’s ever going to need to change is yourself.

Letting People Walk Over You

I used to let people do this because I was afraid to cause problems, offend people, or create situations I couldn’t handle. Yet every one of those moments led to regret and self-defeating emotions.

Sure, there’s no need to fight over every little inch. But for the big things in life, it’s never worth it to bite your tongue just to “keep the peace.” I’ve learned that it’s vital to stand up for yourself because the universe is always listening.

Putting on a Mask

Many of us — myself included — were taught to smile when we feel bad. We were taught to hide our uncomfortable emotions because we think they’re “bad,” people don’t want to hear them, or people will reject us.

So we put on a mask so that the world can’t see how we feel inside. But it takes energy to put on this mask. It takes energy to build the mask. And the mask just isn’t worth it.

“We pay a price for coping — we’re great on the outside and we suffer on the inside.”

— Dr. John Sarno

This isn’t an excuse to be mean to others or explode over little things. But if you’re bottling up your emotions and hiding from reality, take off your mask and be honest and vulnerable. You might ruffle a few feathers, but over time, you’ll attract the people you want and push away the people you don’t.

Unsafe Sex

Years ago, when I worked at a commercial gym, I had four male coworkers who, at some point in their lives, got someone pregnant and continue to deal with the consequences of their actions.

And it’s not just pregnancy: Is the worry and fear of waiting for your STI test results worth it? I’ve never written anything like this on Medium so I might be subjecting myself to a lot of criticism, but I don’t believe it is. Remember: There are many ramifications that could last the rest of your life.

Holding a Grudge

In my life, people have done some really awful things to me. (And no, it was not easy to “get over it and move on.”) But take it from me: The only thing a grudge does is destroy you from the inside.

Resentment, hatred, and bitterness don’t affect the person you loathe; they affect you because you’re the one thinking it. You don't have to like this person or what they did, but if you want to move forward and be free, eventually, you have to forgive.

Beating Yourself Up

Speaking of forgiveness, often, the person we need to forgive the most is ourselves. Using myself as an example, I grew up with very critical parents (which is very common among Asians). As a result, I learned to get down on myself after any little perceived mistake and blow it out of proportion.

If you make a mistake, admit it, accept the consequences, and learn from it. But there's no need to wallow in guilt or self-loathing. It won’t make the lesson any better and, if anything, it’ll hurt your self-esteem and confidence.

Waiting to Be Ready

Many people want to do something big, but they’re waiting for their schedule to get less busy. They’re waiting until they lose 10lbs. They’re waiting for their friend to join them. They’re waiting to have everything “figured out” before they start.

But if you’re waiting for those things, you’ll be waiting for a long ass time. Instead, it’s better to get started now and “figure it out” along the way.

Sitting, waiting, and hoping is never worth it. Patience is a virtue, but delaying things out of fear and indecisiveness is not. It’s a fine balance.

My life didn’t start changing rapidly until I realized how fast time goes. In one moment, I was 23 — the next, I was 33. Is it really worth it to wait?

I think not.

Start taking action and your life will change more than you can imagine.

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