On my summer reading list...so true!

The balance between quality and quantity is a constant battle.

Apparently you thought your thoughts are NOT important, thus it's the opposite of a large ego. Somehow, your conclusion does not resonate with me, it's kind of a u-turn from the expected interpretation of ego-mania.

I think your original reason 'minimalism or speaking/writing when it's important/relevant' is actually a great reason not to write till the moment is right.

Didn't necessarily see it was an ego thing.

TS
I think it was a rationalization — an excuse. (See Dennis’ comment, below.) — Derek

I do this with writing. I have trouble doing it unless I know it is "going somewhere". I was like this for a long time with running races, too, not wanting to do them unless I was in the peak of training and felt I could compete well. And then I failed several times and it humbled me. I realized it didn't matter, and somehow all my anxieties about it are gone. I think it is useful to do things you know you might not succeed at to quiet the voice of the ego, but it is also important not to let it disappear...

I love Ego is the Enemy, but never made this connection. Now that I think about it, I had to overcome this same mindset before I recently started my own site.

Great stuff, Derek!

Man, you're right. When the dust settles, only our actions remain. What a great message and a rude awakening at the same time!

There's nothing wrong with a public sketchbook for your thoughts. Iterative process is a great way to arrive at something truly valuable; I always enjoy reading your posts and I hope you'll do more. I doubt Seth Godin wants to frame every daily blog on his wall, but it all means something to somebody, and it gets you closer to the big accomplishments.

I have never looked at you as and ego centered person, quite the opposite actually, but you are so right in that the EGO does stand in the way of truly giving with out expectations.
Just saw the movie "Norman" recently with Richard Gere.... that makes a HUGE statement on this subject. I would highly recommend it!!
OF course you know who I think I am???

With admiration always, Tina Shafer xo

Thanks Meggan

The point he was trying to make is that the minimalism point, even if true, was kind of an excuse for protecting his ego. If something he published was not true, not important, or did not get praise, maybe it wasn't worth writing a blog post. That is the point.

Unless I'm wrong. Derek? :)

If you did a poll of all your email subscribers that said how often do you want a new post?
A. Everyday
B. Once a week
C. Once a month
D. When I have something to say

I'm guessing D would win, but that just me. It's your sincerity that makes your writing so great.

Hi Derek

Nice to see you're writing again. I'm on your distribution list to see what you are doing, because your story serves as a mirror to see the things in myself that I can't directly observe.

I suspect that your list would grow (or shrink more slowly) if you "shipped" more often. Something mostly done now has value, something that won't be released until it's perfect will probably never see the light of day. Releasing imperfect things to the world let your friends help you make it better faster, and judging from the long list of comments on your articles, you have a fair number of friends.

Scott

Trust me, I'll die before unsubscribing from this email list. I read and re-read everything here. It's like a mental cleansing.

This poetically revels your true character...

You are so right! Although I see so much "sketch" work of people just putting so much incomplete work on the web and YouTube and Wordpress and do think would it not have been better if they took the " Seth Godin" approach and only published completed work?

Thank you for this blog post Derek. I really appreciate your writing and your insights.
I agree with Tushar's comment. I think your original reason makes good sense.
It makes me think of a psychology class I attended years ago. I sat beside a very thoughtful young woman who rarely contributed to the class discussions. When the teacher asked her why she didn't say more she said; "I do when I think I can add value, otherwise I don't want to contribute to noise pollution."
I've never forgotten that.

I am going to Read the book

Thank's

This was a quake book (https://ryanholiday.net/quake-reading/) for me and I've already given away a half-dozen copies or more since reading it back in October of last year. I find myself re-reading chapters as various events in my life remind me of the book.

Hi Derek. Actually, I have listened to that book. I did not think your silence was that at all. I love what you said about your minimalism approach. It is very inspiring and it has lead me to be super concise if I plan on writing anything to you...lol. It is always a great exercise to get to the point on everything we do

I like you're notes on labels. Even with CD Baby labeling me an artist. Me an artist? I just try to write little songs that someone might like ,that's all

It is hard to find the fine line between "is this worthy" and "this is worthy". Even for tweets and FaceBook posts. I shall go find this book. Thanks Derek!

Hi Derek! So great to hear from YOU !! Yes, it is interesting what ego can blind one too. I find it distracts from gaining knowlege, direction, freedom and sometimes success.. but we are all human and all in need of grace. So great to hear from YOU Derek! Hey! Just uploaded an new tune onto my website! Yipee!! ☺ Have a super day Derek!
— Rachel

Thank you for your wisdom!

Of course ego can also lead to oversharing too. I'm pretty sure I've been guilty of that :)

You write with a purpose. I love it and you don't need to email me everyday but I have missed them! -NM

I was definitely missing your articles.

Derek mentioned his minimalism. On a recent visit to Jardin des Plantes in Paris (a wonderful botanical garden, a quiet place in the middle of that great city) we saw a statue of a botanist who served French kings. It says on it "Jean Robin: arboriste et simpliciste". Does anybody happen to know more about him? Does this French term "simpliciste" have a similar meaning to Derek's "minimalism"?
Here is a picture of that statue,
https://www.flickr.com/photos/edcnyc/33311149693

I'd call bullshit on this one. Your writing resonates because you only write when you think it's valuable. A lot of folks write garbage ad nauseum.

“Excellence resides in quality, not in quantity. The best is always few and rare; much lowers value."
— Baltasar Gracián

How funny. She said "Maybe it's ego." Do you really think that? I don't think discriminating on your output is the same as overstating your importance. It's just having as real a relationship as possible with your audience.

Here my thoughts on ego, having dealt with trying to overcome narcissistic habits.

Ego is self image. It's not good or bad, it's just the image you have of yourself. The problem comes when that image is out of whack with reality. Narcissistic Personality Disorder was, for me, a system I used to try to counteract feelings of shame and insecurity. I did not love myself. I did not see the value in myself.

And so, as I saw it, I had two choices for dealing with life:

1. Narcissism, where I could try to convince myself and others that I am incredibly smart, so that I could believe it myself and see myself as valuable.

2. Codependence, where I could provide value to other people in the hopes that they will see me as valuable, so that I could believe it as well.

I chose the first path, but these paths are just two sides of the same coin. The former appears to be the path chosen by a certain political figure who you can probably guess at. The latter is the path chosen by a few of the people you've met who have no self-confidence and who live with others who are awful to them.

I believe that the key to forming a healthy ego is dedication to reality. In America, we live in a culture that is obsessed with relative value, most likely, I think, because we live in a very narcissistic culture, which is, I believe, due ultimately to a lack of proper self-love. Anyway, relative value is that misguided assignment of worth which many of us give to people because of some trait they possess, such as their intelligence (my own personal obsession), good looks, talents or personality.

The key to knowing whether or not you're a servant of this way of thinking goes like this... If you feel more valuable than others when you're the smartest/prettiest/most-talented person in the room and less valuable and even insecure when surrounded by people who are smarter, prettier or more whatever than you are, then you are a slave to the philosophy of relative value.

One of the biggest realizations that I came to while struggling to form a healthy self-image was that relative value was deeply flawed. The problem, ultimately, is this: nobody made their self. No one. No one can take credit for how smart, talented or good looking they are. I would seriously be surprised if personality was not also, largely, something beyond our own control.

Think about this for a minute or two solid, please, because it's so obviously factual that its significance can be easily missed. American culture determines the value of a person by the qualities which they possess. Yet the credit for those qualities is misdirected toward the recipient of, what amounts to as, gifts. It's the equivalent of praising a man for his monetary success after he opens a piece of mail from a stranger who wrote him a check for ten million dollars and believing yourself to be his inferior.

Take that line of thinking to its logical conclusion and you'll be surprised by the results. It can seriously take you from being someone who is ashamed of their body to someone who embraces it, from being someone who fears failure to someone who lives courageously. You'll also see the philosophy everywhere, and you'll recognize its emptiness. What's next, I don't know :)

Anyway... Stay honest, man. Thanks for writing. I hope this post of mine didn't go on too long.

Your actions when no one is looking defines you character and highlights your ego or non ego.

Ego is the head, love is the heart...

I'm not sure what I am reading is "ego" or perhaps a bit of trying too hard to be nice with some fear of judgement thrown in. The phrase that struck me most was "I feared releasing something unimportant" The fact that you don't want to bother people unless what you have to say is of consequence, shows to me a decided lack of ego. May I recommend the following video to put things into perspective. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIpbYyR0OOI

Thanks for sharing your thoughts,
Dan

We should be re-read this book annually. Or monthly, depending on the size of our ego. Or hourly if you're the current U.S. President.

Thanks for the reminder Derek.

Thanks, Derek, just downloaded the ebook ~

Hope this means we'll be hearing more from you :)
Yep. — Derek

Hi Derek,

It's good to see your email in my inbox today!

Ego is a loaded term. To some it is the way that one deals with the outside world. Holiday removes the Freudian definition of ego from the conversation fairly early on and then redefines ego as a form of arrogance. Holiday wrote and interesting book, but is not about ego as a term from psychology.
What is ego to Holiday? Holiday's description or characterization of ego appears in the introduction to his book. To Holiday, the ego is something in the mode of arrogance.

Dealing with the world from a mode of arrogant-like behavior blinds the viewer to some things, but it focuses on the things that are wanted.

It is good to work, and it is good to play. In either sphere, it is motivation that always shines through.

Derek, I sense a motivation in you to help others through your writing. This is a good thing. Taking time to share insights and even respond to questions was an amazing thing for you to do. However, there is the balance between inside and outside, rest and play. Even the nervous system has two distinctly different functions, rest-and-digest system and the system that runs on adrenaline.

In defining what is missing or what is existing it is useful to build on well-defined concepts, such as executive function as used in early Gestalt literature. Instead of using ego, one could use terms like "executive function" and mind, will, and emotions. This opens the door to ways of using executive processes for strategizing, planning, and using consciousness and subconscious activity to focus on things that we are motivated to consider or experience.

If we move closer to a Freudian definition of ego, there is an expectation that we are dealing with how someone deals with the outside world. This leads to the laying bare of motivation that comes with definition. Defense mechanisms are a big part of ego activity. This is where arrogance can sometimes play out.

In considering personal activity it can be information to look at purpose, motivation, mind, will, emotion, and executive functions.

Ego can be the enemy and there are many times to set ego aside. However, ego can bring up a useful defense mechanism from time to time. Everything has a purpose.

I've been putting off writing a book for the same reason. Thank you!

May I suggest Steven Pressfield's "The War of Art", "Turning Pro" and "Do the Work". All inspiring, laugh out loud, motivating amazing books.
I agree! Three of my all-time favorites. I updated your comment to link to the book notes now. — Derek

Songwriting is a pretty ego-less task I find. In order to make something you have to give yourself permition to suck/fail. Funnily enough to get to the next stage ( recording) requires ego. I have to tell myself I'm the best thing ever, until I start to believe it. Ha ha. All the best to you Derek! Thanks for the post!

I agree that our actions speak more than our words but I wouldn't oversimplify either. It could also be the case that you find the process overwhelming and didn't find a way (yet) to simplify it enough to be actionable. Or the idea is a little vague and general and you don't have a clear picture of the process. There must be a reason why that project is still in the back of your head.
Often I'm excited about something, but I don't know where to start until I adjust it a million times (because it's too ambitious at the beginning, I need to remove stuff). When the goal seems too far away, the risk of wasting time and energy is too big, so I doubt. BUT, when I find a way to approach it, in which I get a rush of Dopamine at each step of the process, then I know the process is well designed.
I remove fear of failure from the equation because regardless of the outcome, the process or the little achievements are rewarding.
And this is linked to your other article about ego. I don't see it as the enemy! I like ego, I see it as a guide. It paralyzes us for a reason. To me, more than 99% of human creation is shit. And I like your articles, I always read them. If you forced yourself to publish more often, when you feel you have nothing to say, maybe the quality would suffer. And you may end up hating the process and quitting. Without ego we would be unmotivated nihilists. We write because of ego. Your writing is your extended phenotype, it's you showing people who you are.
I guess you're selective about what's worth sharing. We all create shit, but being able to acknowledge it and put our stuff in the garbage can, THAT is a healthy ego, IMO. Cheers :)

Thanks Noelia. To be clear, I have plenty that I think is worth sharing and publishing, but I wasn't doing it, because of this perfectionist fear. I was just using that as an excuse. — Derek

Internet traffic is a hell of a drug.

My ego is not my amigo.

Thinking that I/my work/my message is NOT important is just ego inverted. But it's still ego, since it's me thinking about me (and BTW what do YOU think about me?)

My ego is not the enemy. When it's right-sized, it helps me fit in and feel a part of my community. This satisfies a natural instinct.
If I can think about someone else and their needs, then I'm not thinking just about me. My ego becomes closer to right-sized; not too big, not too small, not too self-absorbed.

I look forward to you doing more of what you want to do, without judging it too much. You have an important message that I need to read and hear.
☺ Nice rhyme! — Derek

Your heart is the inner most part of your mind. Out of the heart comes the issues of life. Perfect peace is your mind staying on God. The Me-Me generation is here via New Age movement. A Narcsics is about the same: Like the lady who walked down to the river and looked in the water and saw her image and said wow this lady is as good looking as I am. God does say do not think highly of yourself. Amen-Amen

Sounds exactly like me with my music. Picking up the book tomorrow. Thanks again Derek.

Hi Derek,

So true, Ego is a muffler to creativity, children have very little and so they pursue with glee.
the reward is the work, not the spoils of the work.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Yes, it may be a bit of an inflated ego to think that what you say is important, but on the whole you come across as one of the more humble and generous thought leaders out there.

I used you as an example at a recent workshop of someone whom I thought was using permission marketing extremely well. I truly look forward to reading each new thing you write, because I know it will be well considered and useful.

Do I wish you had more frequent blog posts? Sure, that would be nice. But I'm thankful that you write as often as you do.

Welcome back :)

Your writing is beneficial, but that's not why I read it anymore.

I read because you have helped me like a good friend does. You gave without asking in return.

Myself and many others want to hear what you have to say. Because that's what friends do. They listen.

After reading your notes on this book I was not only introduced to this book, but the others by Ryan Holiday. A very different style of writing/reading/listening, but very good and a cool perspective on the whole idea. It has helped me in my thinking in a lot of ways. Worth a read, along with Holiday's other books.

Genuine & authentic ego strength is a feature. Not a bug. Or something
I used to think so, too. Read the book to re-consider that belief. — Derek

I look forward to your writing and I am inspired to keep posting my blog.

I love Ryan Holiday. He is so smart and right on with his comments and books.
thanks, Derek. It's nice to hear from you

I dunno.. I think the ego approach ( as a >choice< ) ... in this case, to see the essence of your actions as that, is a fallacy

But as its recognized as a convenient choice, is valid =)

Ego is over rated as a bad thing. Its actually a quite good thing in some settings. The greatest musical works were done by people who thought they were the most important in the world and were advancing mankind in the craft they were working.

I'm glad they thought that way!! Ego is wonderful! I get to listen to The Ring, numerous different peoples 9th symphonies, the B minor Mass, Don Giovanni, Faust, Das Wunder der Heliane, etc etc etc. Its a large list and I love their egos! I benefited big time from their sense of importance.

Get on out there Derek and do something for mankind. You are important!

Crap is the best fertiliser!

She was right.
Love to read and/or hear you.
Thanks
Mat

I disagree. I've relentlessly culled the things I follow on RSS/Atom and social networks. I'm always removing feeds and accounts that post too much or have low signal-to-noise.

If you had lowered your standards or posted too much, I likely wouldn't be reading your post right now. Happily, I did read it :)

I appreciate your honesty and willingness to question yourself, and then share it here. It feels connective.

I strongly disagree with that notion and the logic that underlies it. Either we evolved an ego or it was given to us or we chose to have it, depending on whatever sort of theology you subscribe to. In any case our egos are a part of us. To make a part of yourself your enemy is a dark road to travel down, though Western civilization seems hell bent on it. Methinks the misunderstanding is similar to the misconception when the saying "The love of money is the root of all evil" is shortened to "Money is the root of all evil". Your ego is not your enemy, it is a part of you just as much as your Shadow and Anima/Animus. Help it to do its job rather than fight it.

Got me! I don't paint more paintings because I believed what my ego said about them! I compared and judged and mine weren't good enough. I am afraid of both success and failure so I don't paint anything! I painted myself into a corner!

Something to explore. Is it ego? Depression or just lazy? Interesting, I will check out that book.
Thanks
Carol

I've learned in my short 45 years on earth Derek, that somewhere out of the 7,000,000,000+ billion people alive today, someone may just be interested in what I have to say, and that we have the responsibility to share our little knowledge in hopes of making some happy. The ego is embedded within, and specially encouraged in our western society. Perhaps it's not about eliminating it all together by labeling it an enemy, but simply accepting it, adjusting it, and learning to manage it so that it doesn't consume us. Your writings are always welcomed in my books, and I thank you for sharing your knowledge and experiences whatever they maybe.

Sometimes a thought we may believe is unimportant turns out to be extremely important to someone else. Sometimes critically important to them and sometimes received at just the right moment. I've experienced that myself, from both sides of the equation. ~mg

When we share what's valuable to us to those who have chosen to listen, we give them a gift and the exchange gives back to us. It can be mutually beneficial, not just one-sided ego driven.

I hope you someday join the community on Steemit and share your thoughts there. This blockchain-driven social media platform which rewards authors and curators with real value is truly revolutionary. The future is decentralized.

Derek
Couldn't agree more. I've struggled for years to start my online business.
Ego is the enemy.

Egoists often cannot see their egoism. (At least I can't!)

Or accept it.

Ergo, Derek... :)

I have not read this book so I may be
missing it's point but from doing a lot of personal work and observing unhealthy egos growing up, I can make this observation: Ego can be out of control if it is expressed as narcissism but we also know that what is behind it is an extreme reaction, over compensation for lack of a healthy sense of self. As players in this incarnation, we are forced to have a certain amount of self definition to get our needs met, so ego is not bad in itself. Self expression requires it and we all learn and grow from each others examples, good and bad. If it (ego) begomes distorted so that it becomes its own motivation, it eclipses everything else in life. Then it is an enemy so to speak, because out of ballance, ego causes us to become lost in its many distractions. A certain balance is crucial. In itself ego is not our enemy until it becomes our only purpose. Someone who poses your question is on a path of self growth and understanding, truth if you will. That perdon need not worry about a distorted ego..they are on track.

NOW I remember what it was I was missing all these months! YOU and your EGO, or decided lack thereof! But I'll read the book anyway. Great to see you in my Inbox again. ;-)

Perfectionism that keeps us from putting things out in the world unless it's really good, can be egoism. See some of Brene Brown's work (e.g., Daring Greatly). Of course it depends on one's intention.

I actually was wondering what happened had not received anything for some time I enjoy receiving your emails This one on ego was great. I will get the book so I can learn how to let go of ego thanks for sharing and writing

Ouch! Every time I read your emails, you recommend I do something that hurts.
☺ — Derek

So true!
You can hide behind your words... but you can't hide your actions.

Hi Derek:
Just this afternoon I described to someone who I've worked with for a long time (I almost said who has worked with me) one of the greatest lessons I've learned as a business owner: that is, be totally open and don't let your ego get in the way. It's been a hard lesson for me to learn but by no means have I mastered the practice. It's a constant battle but I think a worthy one. I really find it freeing when I practice openess to all ideas and patience when hearing them. I also find it incredibly therapeutic to admit my faults and to embrace them, while trying to learn from my mistakes and grow. My biggest problem is a persistent inability to rise above some strongly ingrained bad habits. Oh well, there's always tomorrow (until there isn't).

No matter what, keeping my ego in check will always be tough because I do believe that it's tied to self worth and I don't always feel so good about myself. So sometimes I may need to feel self important and write a missive like this to demonstrate to myself that maybe I'm wise and that will help me feel better. Not to mention, I'm a Leo so... .
I really enjoy your posts and I'll be glad to receive more of them. Thanks, Brian

My man Derek, always happy 2 hear from u. U need 2 tell us more

Two things come to mind: "Less is (usually) more" & "When in doubt, lay out". Maybe lack of ego was the "problem"?

Everyone has their own tempo of production /output towards the world. Maybe sometimes it is conditioned with the amount of input and type of reading material that surrounds us. I really believe in doing things in the right time and space. Thanks for this, very true and resonating. Jung believed that we go through 2 phases in our lives in order to leave something significant: 1. A conflict with our own individual 2. A conflict with the society.
Whichever it is, what we are doing should be so consuming that we don't notice the ego or even cease to exist in self but rather live through what we are creating.

Hello Derek!

You can do a guest blogs for my website any day if you want, but you'd have to be anonymous though!

I have zero people on my e-mail list and zero readers, so it should be perfect!
I did install the Facebook pixel tracker on my website, so I know for a fact that I'm all alone. I do get visitors every now and then but that is only from spammers and from when I admire my own website on my cell phone. It's a very humbling experience.

I've been writing one post a day since may 8th 2017, sometimes I write two. I intend to keep this up until the 8th of may 2018. Then I'll come up with something else to do, in secret!

I am however very successful “IRL”. I've stopped smoking, going to the gym 6 days a week, losing weight, not drinking excessively, learning a new language, being a good husband and father.
The funny thing is that it's all accomplished by going public with everything.
With zero readers by the end of the day, ha ha!

One day I will release a book, 400 pages long. That no one will read.
I just have to practice the craft of writing first. Because I want it to be really good.
Much better and the stuff I publish now a days.

I've been missing your posts.
It's much nicer to get an e-mail from Derek Sivers, than let's say the tax office. I mean the competition out there might seem huge but it really isn't.
You're one of the few who doesn't secretly try to sell a product. Your e-mails are safe!
The world wants to hear more from people like you Derek!

Lot's of love!
//B

Thank you for reappearing in my inbox! Made my day.

Thanks for sharing the link to 'actions, not words, reveal our real values.' I have never read that post and really enjoyed reading it.

"All of us regularly say yes unthinkingly, or out of vague attraction, or out of greed or vanity. Because we can’t say no - because we might miss out on something if we did. We think “yes” will let us accomplish more, when in reality it prevents exactly what we seek. All of us waste precious life doing things we don’t like, to prove ourselves to people we don’t respect, and to get things we don’t want."

d*mn. you mean these weren't EDICTS?

we have a whole 'Derek' cult down here...
they're going to be very disappointed
this afternoon at the meeting house.

I think ego is only part of the equation.
Ego is a range. Too much or too little can be detrimental.
For me, I guess an honest self-reflection can reveal if ego is really the culprit here or not.

Nice one Derek. I have been thinking I am writing too much and should put things out into the world only when I have something important to say. I feel the former is my ego's need to constantly prove itself and the latter, a deep awareness of oneself.
Side note: People that produced most volumes of work seemed to have made the most impact. Einstein, Erdos etc.,

EGO is the privat enemy number one in every human being except the Dalaï Lama and some Yogis.

With you Derek it is minimalism if you want but I always felt it is a great deal of selectivness which I tremendously appreciate!
Having been on your mailing list for so many years I assure you that I would have removed my address long time ago if the frequency of your posts would have exeeded the pace you've been cruising at for the past decade or so. There is just no way anyone enlightened to what ever degree has meaningful, useful and constructive contributions to make all the time. Not even the Dalaï Lama.
When in doubt whether something is worth posting you decide not to which is just the right thing to do because the way I see it your primary motivation is to do something for others. Not for your EGO!
This was your credo and it should always stay that way.
Keep up the good silence and stay vigilant about your EGO wanting to shine out to us for it’s own sake.

I winced when I checked my emails this morning, hoping that I wouldn't have a load of new things to deal with, and my spirits lifted when I saw a new email from you. ☺

That said, I'm going to be a dick and point out a minor contradiction:

"Sorry that I've been so silent"

... implies ...

you think people are upset when you don't publish new articles

... which reconfirms ...

your belief in your own importance.

But I think I need to read the book waaay more than you! Having met you, I can confirm that you're one of the least egotistical people I know. Don't let that go to your head. ;-)

When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change too right?

Good to know you are still alive Mr. Sivers....;)

Is it really ego that restricts you posting more?
Maybe you've covered a lot already and although I'm not suggesting the well is running dry there must be a decreasing amount of subjects that haven't already been discussed / commented upon. Less maybe less by necessity? My take on ego is that at some point somebody has to drive the bus. Just make it a worthwhile, rewarding and comfortable journey.

Hey Derek
One smart guy wrote something like that
https://sive.rs/obvious
Maybe your thoughts seem to be unimportant (or obvious) to you but for others wouldnt be...

So Im with Megan... You should write more often

Best regards,
Marcin

I've been exploring the Ego for years and just discovered a couple people who I think have some pretty interesting insights on the subject and more, in their books and on YouTube. I'd like to read what you think about : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETdzci-zlws

Its quite a crazy coincidence I just finished looking at both your and my book notes yesterday to this book...

My 2 favourite learnings/reminders from the book:
Battling ego is like sweeping the floor. You must sweep the floor every minute of every day. And then sweep again.

Sacrifice your ego for a higher mission or purpose. (example, Robinson the first black major league player and the insults ‘he shouldn’t have had to tolerate but did’ to continue to play)

PS Derek
We trust and follow you due to how much thought and care you put into your posts, its really powerful to not post unless there's an important message to share.

Derek, these are wonderful thoughts. This reminds me of the book "Big Magic" by Elizabeth Gilbert (https://www.amazon.com/Big-Magic-Creative-Living-Beyond/dp/1594634726), where she tells the story about a writer who only published one book in her lifetime because she was so afraid anything new would not be of the same importance as this one hit she had landed.
But life is about creation, as she says, and I agree. In this sense, we need to drop our ego=fear and just go and do it. Write this new post, start this new business, just start acting. It's not about being perfect, because we learn along the way, and probably by sharing our thoughts and bringing these inner dialogues out there, we gain wonderful insights ourselves, besides the fact that we enrich the lives of those around us.

Well... I am the contradiction as ... always.

Well... I am the contradiction. I think some ego is healthy. We live in a great time where people are trying to respect each other and consider each other, but I think it is also important to notice that sometimes the lack of response maybe be just some time to consider, to ponder and to give ourselves permission to breathe.

Ego is not always the enemy. After years of abuse, I am learning how to respect my ego. An ego like everything is only a problem if there are no equilibrium between elements.

For now, ego for me is presence, recognition, achievement. As a mother, you ego is always set back, but soon you learn that to be a good mother and person you also need to consider some ego or you die trying to make everyone happy and flip.

I would say... more than ego is being assertive and know when to say yes or no. We live in a YES society but saying NO is an important part of our life and our EGO.

Ego is not the enemy, simply because it's a non existent entity. Try looking for it, and get back to me when you've found it. There may be disfunctional behaviour in a given situation, but a permanent entity called ego as troublemaker, no way. The creation of such a non existent entity, and then branding it as the enemy just sends us off on another wild goose chase. Write if you must, and drop it if you can't be bothered. This ego story is unnecessary mind f****ing. Seriously, life is too short.

When you have a perfect record, you might hesitate to make a move that will not be perfect and thus bring your average down.

In this subject I'm not sure about your conclusion.
I don't see trying to be good or great at something as an ego related problem.
You don't like to put in the world something subpar and that's a good think. I apreciate that way of work.
Regarding the many years I follow your things (business, writings, speeches) I don't see You as an ego-driven person. I don't see in You the self-importance or the "I'm better than You" attitude common on that people. Maybe You hid it well for years ;)

Hi derek,
I shared it on facebook ifudofhumanrights

best regards
Jan

Wow, I knew the ego can sneak up on you, but yeah I have had that feeling with the music. Not really popular or sold a one million copies. I will read the book, sometimes we had to re-learn. Didn't hear anything from you for awhile. Figure you just chilling.

Read the book. Love the book. Our ego gets in the way more than it's willing to admit ;-)

Yeah this is a great thought and good reminder to reread the book

The important thing for me, as a reader of what you write, is that this revelation about self belongs to you. It does not necessarily need to feel right to me because it is not about me. That you feel ego kept you quiet means that ego, your ego, kept you quiet. That's how I see it.

My own ego judging your ego aside, that you write and share, as deeply and transparently as you strive to do, is filling for your readers, at least for me. I personally hunger for human connection. I have plenty, I always want more. The hunger is insatiable. Posts like this one give me that feeling of connection because I empathize with what you've written. Putting our thoughts and feelings out in the ether for everyone and anyone to read takes courage. Sure, ego helps us create and post because we're sure someone is going to read it, but, you know, that's not so bad. A little ego is inescapable...? So, thank you, Derek's ego, for keeping him connected to us!

I read this last year. I was not excited about it. I didn't think I had had an ego problem. Well, I couldn't have been more WRONG! This book is not fun to read but it is impactful, true, and helpful. I couldn't believe all the ways ego was ruining my life. This is definitely worth a read.

Derek! You're not an ego maniac. Never were.
That voice in your head telling you not to write, it's just a "witch" -- an evolutionary protection mechanism in our brains implying two basic fears if we were to write. The first fear is that "we are not enough" and the second fear that "we will not be loved."

You and I know neither are true.

So write little butterfly...write.

Mishra

I have my whole team read this book. This seems to be the analog of 'perfect is the enemy of good...' Thanks for putting it down.

A refreshing, blunt piece. I needed that as much as you. Love your work, Derek, thanks

Does this mean you're going to be writing more?
Yep — Derek

I struggle with this to. Slowly building my list and then "not wanting to bother them". No. If people sign up, they sign up for a reason. And I really liked hearing back from you, Derek :)
☺ Thanks for this perspective, Bostjan — Derek

...Personality is the way you act in front of people, character is how you act when no one is around...#bethebest

Geeze! Overanalyze much? Write when you want to write, and trust people to read what they want to read! You don't come off as egotistical to me, just very introspective. Some people are paralyzed by introspection, but YOU have DONE some important things and you continue to keep working.

If you had a big ego you'd write ALL THE TIME like you know who on Twitter.

It is very thoughtfull and I will read , just put to my shelf. Thanks so much Derek.

Great book...Great notes

There is nothing wrong with "self importance" if one has something of value to offer others. Ability creates confidence in one's mission. You have to believe you can do something to do it successfully, I think. So, yeah, ego can work in reverse too when we think we have something that's not worthwhile to the world--esp. when it is

Thanks for the challenge

Hell yeah Derek. Sometimes I am guilty of that cycle too where I think everything I create has to be absolute gold, only EXACTLY what needs to be said, and then I barely send anything out!
Funny how easy it is to take ourselves too seriously. It can be really disguised and hard to catch.

"I'm so ABOVE taking myself too seriously." lol a more obvious example

I usually find that the more I engage with an audience (giving my best of course, not just rattling off useless shit for the sake of creating) the more "important" stuff I have to say. Taking too long between creative outputs, at least for me, can make it hard to not fall into some sort of self-inflated trap that is really just fear disguised.

Glad to be hearing from you on a more consistent basis Derek. :)

Thank you for sharing Derek. At the very least I think you ignite healthy debate. I appreciate your respect for people's attention and time in an era where apps and entertainment is designed to grab as much as possible. The monetisation aspect of attention these days exacerbates this trend. So I am grateful that you wait to communicate only what you deem as valuable enough to take someone's time. Thus, the trust you develop, urges me to read your material with a much higher hit rate than other people whose mind I also admire. Perhaps there is a healthy balance, and perhaps as you mention, you might not be there. In any case, I acknowledge that is a tough question to answer but I am super grateful for your respect and your amazing materials. You have inspired great action and critical thinking. So thank you and have a wonderful magical summer sir ☺
- Diego

Absolutely! I have this problem with procrastination. I used to think it was because I was so undisciplined that I let a million minor distractions chew up my time. It turns out that I did not feel that I was bringing my best game, so I did not even try until my back was against the wall. In the final hours, faced with the prospect of abject failure, I would dig down to the bottom of my soul and push out the work. Were some of those instances inspired, quality work that fulfilled a legitimate need? Oh, yes. But more often than not, the result was something incredibly mundane and utilitarian; something that could have risen to the level of greatness if I just had more time. Hindsight is a bitter and cynical companion, and she shot it to me straight. Nobody is so good that they are inspirational, profound, and relevant right from the jump. The greatness we seek for ourselves is in creating, tearing down, and creating again until that profound moment occurs and an inspired product results. The key is to keep having ideas and expressing them, regardless of their relative worth or how they will impact your self-image. Countless people who've achieved greatness, some famously, have many lackluster achievments or even ridiculous failures in their past. You cannot wait to be great, and you must not let your ego stifle your creativity at the thought you might not produce something worthy. It's is worth it in the moment, because it occurred to you initially. Get it out there. Test it and see if it runs; if you want to give it a little more love and care to create something great.

I suffer from the same concern of what I might write may not truly represent the evergreen best of what I need to say It ego to some extent that I feel this way in that I want to perceived at my very best at in these instances. But it also is wisdom that informs and prohibits me from falling short of meeting the treasured purpose of being the best of service to others.

This is so interesting! Because I always want to hear more from you. Your fans/followers want to hear more because your words make us think more, contemplate more, and ultimately change our own perceptions. So by holding back, you are holding all of us back! Will we all love every post? Of course not. But I'm sure even the posts you write that you don't think are that valuable will mean something to someone.
Hope we hear much more from you! Come back!

I think this is a common reason for writer's block. The idea that you have to write something significant, and all the ideas that occur to you aren't good enough, so you don't get started writing.

I often recommend to my clients who are experiencing writer's block (whether of words or music) to write really badly. Write the worst dreck you can think of.

That usually cures the writer's block very quickly ;-)

I actually think it's great you only write when you feel you have something important to say. But don't censor yourself. I always say, "The people who need it will find it." I write my weekly blog, and I'm sure most people don't read it, but every week at least one person e-mails me to say that message was just what they needed to hear. It DOES feel like ego sometimes to write a blog, but it also feels like a way to connect.

Could not agree more.

I think social media has made it worse. WIRED had an article on teens and social media usage last year, and how they actively prune out anything that didn't get their threshold of 'LIKES.'

It's as if the feedback has become *too* instantaneous, and anything negative can sideline us (forgetting it took us to reach a level of expertise in the first place!)

I am glad you are "back" to share your ideas.

Ideas are interesting to think about.

They have no mass. No weight.

Yet some are so powerful that they move the Universe.

Many of yours have moved me, and thousands of others.

Thanks for keeping us in motion.

This is such a poignant book. Even when you don't think ego is there, it is somewhere lurking in the background. I'm excited for Perennial Seller!! I know it's a completely different topic, but I love Ryan.

This is how I approach my dental consulting company. Everything should be done for the client and consumer at the least cost. Thats why automation is so powerful. With effective software and systems, a helping hand can be given at fractions of the cost.

"We would worry a lot less about what other people think of us if we realized how seldom they do."

A brave thing of you to admit to, Derek. And you wrote, instead of thinking about it. Kudos to you.

I've been afraid of buying this book, as I think all I am is ego, & if it's the enemy, then....that's going to make things difficult.

As always, a big thank you for posting!

"Owning Your Own Shadow - Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche" IMHO best thing on this topic in years, and it only takes a couple hours to read
Thanks for the tip! — Derek

Hi Derek,
Good to hear from you. When to write or what to write! That is the question.

Get out your Semantics Microscope:
At an age when I thought I knew myself pretty well, somebody "accused" me of being a perfectionist, which I flatly denied. I was beyond frustrated re "failures" in not taking "great ideas/initiatives" to completion. I defended my self-assessment and denied the "complimentary implications" Perfectiomism would bestow.

Nope. Stalling-out because I couldn't find rivers w next steps in a way that lived up to my vision... THAT, indicated 2 things:
1). Unwillingness to dial-back my standards and expectations might be a crippling submission to Perfectionism.
2). Perfectionist = not necessarily the hallmark of high-performance Achievers.

The above thread gives me pause. ...how to factor-in (appropriately) the role of EGO.
Man, I'm not sure re myself.

Worth thinking about, instead of finishing blah-blah where i want better X, Y, and Z parts.

I don't think this is an example of an ego at work. We have plenty of prime examples of that just look at the White House.

I love that book so much!

Would you also recommend people start writing/blogging?
Writing unimportant things...not necessarily for any career purpose, but only for expressing a thought and maybe share something valuable to a handful of people? (even though the writing skills are very low :))

Hey Derek,

You are spot on, 100%

For what it's worth I heard it said in a slightly different way a few years ago. It went like this...

Most people are members of NATO. No Action, Talk Only.

Speak only to improve the silence

It's a balance. It's good to have priorities, not spread oneself too thin, and avoid spewing spunk (I didn't know this is actually a word, but it fits in the context) into the world for the sake of getting your jollies from all the feedback. It's also good to avoid perfectionism by doing something consistently and releasing it no matter how good or bad you think it is. If I think it could provide value to readers, I'm not doing it for attention, and I enjoy it as compared to alternative uses of time, then I say go for it even if it's not perfect. I never know - what may seem unimportant to me could make a difference for someone else. Good stuff.

Derek, you are so nervy and brave. I absolutely agree. Almost all career trouble (not to mention real life trouble) comes from ego mal-adjustment. So easy to see in others and so hard to see in oneself. I recently had an epiphany on this subject and discovered, to my surprise, that the solution is ... forgiveness. First of self and then of all the others in one's life who are almost always doing their best for me, for themselves, for life. But I have been very ill and scraped the bottom of life and that's where I found this little nugget of truth. Why does it take so long to grow up? Discuss.

Morgan

Even if you decide not to publish/share very often, I hope you still write everything single day. (And by "you" I mean everyone else who sees this). I probably share less than 1% of what I write, but I produce enless heaps of content to get to that 1% that might be worthy of another person's time and attention. Is this ego, or just courtesy?

I think I will get the book b ut believe I delt with this a lot of years back. But we can always learn more and I am not a hard reader due to my retention span problems. But will get this book for think a good one to have a round. Maybe that late night no sleep reading, lol. Take care and keep on enjoying LIfe....

Yyyyup. That helps me filter through mine and others' bullshit a little better now. Yes! Post/Blog/Vlog/Write/Texulate/Type away, Derek! I love it when you share your thoughts about things. It's clear that it helps me and many many others as well. :) I also like that you are always recommending books to read.

So mine, at the moment, is self protection... I'm not growing much because I fear criticism.
Damn, I need more encouragers in my life...

Hi Derek -

First - I'm a fan of the book - Ego is the Enemy - and author - Ryan Holiday. This book - and its companion - Obstacle is the Way (also by R. Holiday) draw on Stoic philosophy and present the theses that "obstacles" in life are actually "gifts" and "opportunities" if one will acknowledge reality as it is rather than expending mental energy wishing (pleading) that things were different from what they actually are. In "Ego," Holiday argues how our egos can trip us up - at any time, anywhere - even if we do our best to keep them in constant check.

But I think your original "minimalism" stance is the one I agree with. In an age where everyone is sharing everything in every moment of every day (due to an ego-driven need to be heard), I deeply appreciate that your posts seem to come when you have a thought that you feel really may be worth another's time to read and explore.

Your reluctance to share whatever happens to pop in your head demonstrates the respect you have for your fans and followers, and your desire to offer ideas only when you believe that others may get real benefit.

Perhaps your self-editing may not always get it right, but often less is more.

Js

I just finished Ego Is The Enemy last week and thought it was good, but my biggest ego check came from reading a Mark Twain quote last year that plays relentlessly in my mind every time I think I know something. "It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so." This quote has me questioning everything I think I know for sure - that's extremely humbling for me.
Opposite to you, I write something on my blog daily, I want to say something intelligent but don't have something intelligent to say everyday... Also very humbling.
I get where you are coming from, I'm learning to laugh as watch my ego rise and fall on my journey. Nice to hear from you again :)

Ego is one possibility. Fear is another factor. I used to not put out content for fear it would not be as perfect as I wanted it to be. You can tie this to ego. i.e. anything less than perfect feedback from readers to my less than perfect content would hurt my ego. There is a balance to be had. Putting out no content keeps your ego safe from criticism but the same strategy also means no accolades.

I started publishing a series called the Captain's Log weekly. I've been doing this for eleven consecutive weeks now.

https://experiment.com/u/3cCcmg

I had a hard time publishing to the public unless I felt "ready". To force myself to get over it I put in some constraints. What I tell myself when I write is I am not writing for an audience, but writing for the future version of myself. Another thing I did is I don't allow commenting or liking on the post. And, I can't see the page views. People cannot subscribe. If they want to read it, they have to seek it out or follow me on twitter.

I never know how my posts are doing, which makes me feel safer posting weekly. My co-founder tells me my behaviors are not typical.

What I wanted for myself is I wanted to write more. And, I ended up writing a lot more using these constraints.

That said, I do still have a lot of posts outside of the Captain's Log locked up because I feel like they are not "ready" or not "necessary" yet.

Didn't read the book, but did read your notes on it, Derek. I find the direction of this "anti-ego" thinking disturbing enough to contribute a comment here.

First off, anything that is suppressed or denied (physically, mentally, or emotionally) becomes toxic and strange. Demonizing the concept of "EGO" is a surefire way to declare war on ourselves. Consider this: if "EGO" is such a bad thing, why does every.single.one.of.us have one? Did God (or whatever label we give to universal consciousness) make a mistake here? "I" don't think so!

Second, how do you think your ego is reacting when you entertain fear-based thoughts about its supposedly "evil" nature? Will it slink quietly away and not bother "you" any more? "I" don't think so!

How 'bout this as an alternative to psychologically lynching the ego: give it some respect, and by all means, give it a meaningful job to do: Assistant Life Manager. After all, SOME part of our selves needs to attend to the minutiae of daily life: make and keep appointments, brush our teeth, do the dishes, write the blog posts...in general, git 'er done.

Anyway, Derek (and Derek's ego!): always enjoyable to hear from you as well as your many free-thinking readers.

Laiki

I LOVE MY EGO!!!!!

i am kinda tired of the whole "ego is the enemy" way of life. life is way too short and sometimes too long to not make ourselves important. at the risk of sounding delusional, yes i do think i am the most important thing on earth and everybody should too. in short what i am advocating for is the elevation of self and not sacrificing the self for others unless if that's your rational self interest

Hi Derek!

Coincidence or not I've acquired this book 2 weeks ago. The interest in reading it soon is growing high.

Best,
T

Two words: "SPOT ON". Invaluable insight to how so many of us are driven by pure ego. Look at the last Presidential race if you need further proof. Until we (men and women) learn to control our own egos we will continue to be slaves to an insatiable appetite that controls us.

Great read. I highly recommend it to anyone with half an ego.

Man, woman! Wow, different perspectives about our ego's. My Mac has an ego. Any time a PC appears in the coffee shop while I'm writing, I sense a strange electronic ego-creep coming from my hard drive "I'm faster than you and 10 x's more efficient... blah, blah blog!

Living in LA, I bathe in ego twice a day just to get out the door! Walking my dog (ok, my imaginary dog) a high-bred English Bulldog. I get little respect dragging his leash. Empathy is good for my ego for some weird reason. I still like to ride my low-self esteem bicycle when I can handle the attention. Some people say it looks really stupid riding an imaginary unicycle. But sometimes it just feels good not to care.

I believe that the older we get, the less we feel we need to say and the less we actually feel we know. In my opinion it has more to do with "less" ego than more. As a songwriter, I used to feel the need to share my thoughts about everything. Now I have figured out that basically, there is nothing much new under the sun.. :) IMHO

I love your minimalism! I read Dennis' response below & I get it. I guess you can get rid of excuses and still be a minimalist. Please keep sharing.

I'm just glad to see these new posts!

My guitar lessons arrive online. They are a breath of fresh air. My background concerns are more directed to the hideous state of mankind’s affairs. Of why 9/11 - which steered all of us into a world of unceasing war - and, yet, was a controlled demolition with all the implications inherent, doesn’t receive the focus it deserves. A financial system which is privately owned and finances each and every conflict but isn’t mentioned by any political leader. These are the ‘givens’ which make my heart ache because they’re not ‘givens’ but are accepted as though they were.

I can’t focus on these matters continually and don’t expect my guitar teacher to be using his lessons to discus those issues. I guess that’s why they’re ‘a breath of fresh air.’ to me.

Your articles are always thoughtful, your perceptions useful yet they also don’t allude to those matters. They resonate with me, to a greater or a lesser extent, because they focus on our individual growth as such issues as success or failure rear their head.

As for bothering people ... hmm ... this response isn’t brilliantly written. I hope it’s clear. I write about issues which matter to me on a blog that few ever read. I don’t always feel comfortable about the quality of what I’ve written but I don’t go back to rehash those lines of thought. I’m not so bright that I need be polished.

Cheers Derek ... I am delighted that I’m still able to learn ‘stuff’ on the guitar that for decades I’d convinced myself were ‘too difficult for me.’ I hope your guitar is vibrating away because it’s loved and renewed.

Hi Derek. Read it a while ago. Found it very challenging. Full of ancient and modern wisdom.

Ego can work for you if you know the difference between constructive ego and destructive ego.

I've been following you a long time Derek. You rode this wave before...good suggestions though, can always be timely; as time changes and as times change.

Me: Hmmm...maybe I need to go to college

Me: Nah, you're smart enough

Me: Who told you that?

Me: We did...

Derek,

If there is someone who I am so grateful for to have shared so passionately, you are the one to me.

Cant wait to read the book.
- Michael

Ego is the easiest way to destroy what you have. In your case it was your personal enemy. Other egos extend to hurt others such as Jealousy which is a byproduct of the ego, feeling that I should have this or that and not the other person. Ego is a dangerous thing, it's destroyed many lives, families and careers. Thank God for his wisdom that he's placed in you and allowing you to share. Keep sharing it's appreciated.

Rev Tina Redden

Hi Derek, whether it's ego or not, if you aren't sure to share or not, please do share.
Along the lines of what Seth Godin speaks on, the world needs more leaders and more thoughtful & original content. You have the gift of both. Please share.

Absolutely. I was speaking to my mother-in-law one evening trying to give her advice on ways to deal with her stress. She was blown away and thought what I was saying was so profound that she asked me to write it up so she could share it with her friends. The advice I was giving her wasn't some brilliant ideas of mine but rather a collection of ideas I had read about or heard in podcasts over the years. I thought it had all, more or less, become common knowledge at that point.

What you think is "trivial" or previously well known may very well not be to many. This is a great reminder of that. Thanks Derek!

You can write a lot, but don't publish. With so many stuff on the Internet maybe it is easy to forget that the computer can work offline.

Or maybe it's "not wanting to put anything into the world unless necessary. And because of the size of my mailing list, I don’t want to bother people unless it’s really important"?

Or maybe it's because you get busy doing other things?

Maybe writing often (or not) isn't a denial of bad effects of ego? Maybe it's just writing often (or not)?

Pls update me with ur blogs, thx u <3

Hi Derek,
Great thought! Along the same lines, I think sometimes the solution is focusing on other's and asking whether "it," what ever we are considering putting out there, is for them, or for me.
Cheers,
John

Yea I've read 'The obstacle is the way' by Ryan and if anything, that book has a lot of actionable information.
I'm expecting a similar flavour from this book as well. Specially what resonates with me is 'our actions reveal our true values'. Makes impeccable sense!

Pretty please write more. You're one of my favourite writers. 🔮🦄

Article was great. Always makes me think. Thank you

I enjoy your posts and I will definitely check out the book. Thanks! :)

We are all vulnerable to our own egos. The key is recognition, which you have (humbly) pointed out in yourself. Thanks for sharing.

Yep. Read it. Loved it. Recognized myself and am working on it.

I'm not too sure about your interpretation.

I think posting frequently could be more accurately misinterpreted as having a big ego.

Posting too frequently could mean that you think you have important things to say and you think you deserve people's attention.

I don't know - so I am not too sure about Meggan's interpretation. Perhaps you could have a secondary blog that you post more often to?

I look upon each of your articles as a gift and an opportunity. I am always grateful for such but I don't suppose myself to be entitled to your time/effort.

Ego Is The Enemy is fantastic

Mmmm I think all your topics are great, we dont have to read them. You never post too often - so yep I dont think EGO is a dirty
word here.

Yea Craig id go D then C

Thanks for the post Derek. One of my favorite lines from the book is,

"We are still striving, and it is the strivers who should be our peers - not the proud and the accomplished. Without this understanding, pride takes our self-conception and puts it at odds with the reality of our station, which is that we still have so far to go, that there is still so much work to be done."

As a fellow striver, your words and thoughts will always be welcome.

Good reminder about keeping ego in check. Thanks!

Very thought provoking Derek and a most interesting read..thanks for that.

I overcome my "this-isn't-good-enough" hesitation with a question:

"Could this help someone?"

If yes, I publish.

(Usually works :P)

Why I rarely post on Facebook...

I'm not sure I get how writing less is ego-driven. Seems about quality control more than anything else. Writing every half baked, nonsensical thought is more a result of ego. Like how many use Facebook.

Hmmm . . . interesting question.

Ego can trick us into playing the non-ego game for ego's sake as well, so it can get a little convoluted.

Personally I like that you are puting a little more out there, as you have a unique voice that I appreciate hearing.

Personally I try not to write/do anything unless I simply want to.
(Not always successful, of course.)

The again, there is a fine balance between imposing on people who do not want your offerrings and giving what flows from you.

But then again, they have a neck and can simply turn their head away and let their body and mind follow.

Thanks for this post Derek. It reminded me that Eckhart Tolle has written about the ego in a way that really caught my eye:
I usually thought of ego as the inflated image we have of our importance but Tolle took it a step further and said that it is also the deflated image we have of our importance: like the high-achiever who, despite real world proof, doubts deeply their capabilities.
Tolle wrote that your ego is talking anytime you begin a sentence with "I am..." or "I am not..." Instead of "I am great at this"/"I am terrible at this" Tolle prefers to stay neutral(not easy). He avoids formulating sentences in that way, preferring to say "I will try this (Seth G. would say "leap") and see what happens."
Good insight. Thanks Nancy! — Derek

No doubt, ego is the enemy. Greed, however, can take away your life savings and/or land you in jail, while ego without action will allow you to live in the legend of your own mind. You just won't be pleasant to be around.

Glad you're back.

I think we imagine ego to be a extrovert, forward projection into the world - of our personalities/opinions/wants/needs etc.

A wise person once pointed out to me that ego can stretch the other way too, inward. People who are withdrawn, subdued, reserved and passive can also be said to have a big ego..

@Tim (comment #32)
Question:
How to SEE/SENSE/FEEL value in yourself other than "relative" value of traits/qualities (gifts received along the way or by birth)?
And, if possible, how to retain that sense of value permanently?

Especially in competitive surroundings where those qualities mean survival.
Eg. I'm an actor and my value is acting talent. Not getting the role is very frequent (and stressful) event, because of thousands of equally talented actors.
And therefore, being broke makes me feel so weak, so insecure, so pathetic, so helpless...that I easily lose sense of my value/worth.

(That's just one example, you can take any career or any other area of competition where qualities matter, eg. romantic relationships.)
Thanks in advance.

I was wondering why I hadn't heard from you since you invited me to join your list! I'm glad you're getting back to it. I CRAVE connection with your mind. And I'll make sure to check out that book ;)

ego is separation.
you can't 'connect' when you're separated.
therefore ego prevents connection.
connection is what love is.

Hey Derek,

Here is what I wrote on the very same subject. I believe in "I", but not Ego.

Here is an example so simple, I couldn't even see it for almost a year. When I decided to become "Super at Sixty", more than two years ago; I set a few goals. One goal, was to run a 5k, in X amount of time, and get the T- shirt. When you are more than 70 lbs overweight, and hadn't run in more than two decades-well, that is a formidable goal. A daunting task. And, it is all EGO.  I wanted to show other people I could run a 5k, in an acceptable time; with the T-shirt to prove it. It wasn't what I wanted at all. It was what my ego wanted to prove to you.  

Then one night, in a moment of stark clarity brought on by reviewing my goals: Eureka! I discovered that what I really wanted to do was to run again. Because when I ran, I felt childlike. I loved to run, and ran all the time, in any weather, and without clocks, measured courses, running logs, or specific distances. I just loved to run.

My body feels good when I run. (Now, bear in mind, when I was younger, I ran like the wind. Now, well, I am not even a stiff breeze) In that moment of clarity I realized that my ego had a goal in mind, that was much different than what "I" wanted. I wanted to run. So, I did. Not far. Not fast. Not long. But, I ran. That goal was achieved within moments of realizing what it was- to run. I have been running ever since. Not far. Not fast. Sometimes, not long. No times, no distances, no T-shirts; just that plain old feeling from when I was a kid: "Wheeeee!!!! I am running."

Not only was I enjoying running from the first few feeble footsteps, all the pressure of proving to people what I could do, or how fast I could go, or my showing off my T-shirt- gone. I accomplished my goal without the burden of other folks-or my own- expectations. I removed failure from the equation. The competition was gone. All that was left, was the joy of running. No ego- just I.

Hi DerekI agree wth this completely. I am a very quiet person but accomplish a lot and hopefully get my ego out of the way.
Ultimately we are judged by our actions not our words...but then along comes our current president and how does one rationalize all this in light of the fact that he is ALL ego and his actions (terrible) seek volumes about who he is as a person...but...he got elected president!!!!

It is pretty disheartening to those of us who can't understand IT.

You always have something interesting to say! It's refreshing... Thanks! H2

For some folks, I think minimalizing having an opinion of themselves that is too low can lead to the "never finished" syndrome. I've known many songwriters who have difficulty knowing when a song is done, myself included. It may be a good song, an awful song or even a great song, but discerning the difference is challenging for folks with low self esteem. That which is an absolute truth to guide his life for one man could be self-defeating for another. The older I get, the more I realize there are no black or white answers, only shades of gray.

Still, good food for thought. Thank you Derek.

Then again, perhaps I should pause long enough to preafrood.

Hi Derek. Good to hear from you. I have a friend with a big ego. It provides him the surety to do his work as a surgeon. I have to excuse his talk sometimes, for he has studied and worked hard to achieve at his level. Sometimes he is not boasting, but speaking the truth. If your ego keeps you from sharing good things with others, who is that benefitting? It almost seems selfish not to share. Surely ego and selfishness (looking out for one's interests primarily) are connected notions. You will no doubt get lots of (+) reinforcement from folks like me who missed you in your absence. I sincerely hope this feeds your ego just a bit!

My take is that NOT sending anything unimportant shows that you're NOT run by your ego.

I'm so glad you will write to us more often and worry less about what we think of you.

"No mind" is great.

Thanks and welcome back Derek!

actually i think EGO is your friend. Ego keeps you
in check, makes you learn so many spiritual lessons.
Make friends with your EGO don't "edge it out" or it
will remain a disowned part of yourself and continue ton
sabotage you, if you let it hide out.

Say what’s on your mind regardless, as it will resonate with someone who it was meant for at that moment because Everyone is connected and talking to each other unconsciously, and for some, consciously 😉

Ego represents motivation too. Without ego you will not seek to accomplish or demonstrate your ability. At the minimum ego represents the desire to survive even though it requires the death of other living things, albeit plants.

Throughout my life I have been hit on the face by nonproductive--and sometimes destructive-- demands from mediocre administrators. People who abuse or misuse administrative power are everywhere, from congressmen to policemen, from neighbors to illegal immigrants. Why should you be afraid of bothering me, Derek?

The internet has brought some measure of equality between idiots and savants, between the uneducated and the knowledgeable, and between the gifted and the untalented. Musically we are adrift in an ocean of self-published awful stuff, and the same goes for the written word. Our president was elected by an ocean of self-unaware ignoramuses. Egalitarianism has become our undoing.

Letting go of it is important in caring for people who live with dementia so everyone better get used to it because large numbers of us are going to be care partners in the future.

Here's something about that and other "G" words related to dementia care:

http://myalzheimersstory.com/2015/08/22/the-g-in-bangs-5-great-ways-to-stop-dementia-anger-aggression-and-anxiety-in-their-tracks/

"You say you want to, but your actions reveal the truth.”
This is SO very true.

We all have the ability to choose our next steps to achieve whatever it may be, but all too often we recoil and prevaricate... Listening to the 'monkey mind' and our ego (plus our nagging internal history of self-doubt) actually overrides everything - BUT - maybe the ego is 'the truth' and the filter that protects us.

When we are 100% passionate about achieving something, we take action quickly and move forward, fearless of the consequences... others may perceive this trait as 'egotistical' when they recognise it in others. The opposite may be true. The 'do-er' is actually ignoring his or her ego, and following a passion.

Not having read the book... Ego has killed life changing deals for bands, good and bad. "Pretending to be what you are NOT, is NOT putting a good foot forward, but simply a lie." Is what I told a dejected band mate who infiltrated the headliner's tour bus just after we opened the biggest, sold out show for TOTO in Jackson, Mississippi. My mate thought the crowd was there for us. Not the case, we, as popular as we were in south Louisiana, didn't have a record out yet.
Not long after that, my egotistical mate wound up in prison for attempted armed robbery. That negated our record deal with Capitol. Live and learn... and learn and learn. Don't take forever to learn a lesson!

If we're honest we'll admit that ego is seriously important. The more we believe in ourselves and our mission, the more we can focus on and serve others.

Ego can sometimes be put to good use... "believing in ones self, one's abilities to achieve, etc."..... i.e. As an athlete all my life, I don't compare myself to other athletes - that I'm better than, etc... but my ego helps me to be the best I can be... to believe that i can be successful.. to believe in my own abilities (after all that preparation) If I go out on the court at the National Senior Olympics (my 6th earlier this month) at 77 years old....doubting my ability, then I'm in deep trouble before I step foot on the court. In order to be a great speaker, musician, athlete, whatever one chooses, belief in ones self and their ability must be a prerequisite for success. Does ego not play a part in this? Where am I going wrong???

Gotta' believe in one's self. Convince the image in the mirrow and opportunity will call.

By making the ego "enemy", you give it your power - more than it deserves ! Ego is our individual self being, or trying to be, separate from everyone else. To just be aware of how it expresses & to make friends with ego seems more inclusive/integrated.............would never read a book with this title.

I enjoy that you only email me when you have something to share. So despite your ego realization, I resonate with this: "I told her it’s my minimalism, not wanting to put anything into the world unless necessary. And because of the size of my mailing list, I don’t want to bother people unless it’s really important." Or is that my ego? :)

Hello Derek, Thank you for your thoughts. However, I am of a different mindset. My understanding is that ego is the old Greek verbiage for "I Am" which I believe the Lord told Moses from the burning bush to tell the people His name is. I = e and go = Am.

It is the altered-ego which give everyone the big hangup. We have a fragment of God within us which is this entity called "I AM!" There is a continuous mantra going on within us saying, "I Am...", I Am..." "I Am...", I Am..." "I Am...", I Am..." We get to fill in the blank after it whereby we get to co-create our life with God by adding "I Am a girl", I Am a boy" "I Am learning", I Am happy" etc. Our job is to fill in the blank. The problem is when we start filling in the blank "I Am sick", I Am stupid", "I Am poor", I Am sick" etc.

When Jesus was in the temple speaking he referred to this when he said, "The I Am is the way the life and the truth."

All i will say i read what tim wrote on his comments and i agree with him

To be or not to be that is the question I ask myself
Shakespeare'

Am well aware that ego is the enemy Derek. But it's insidious little bugger, there are so many angles to look at it. Your angle here, that you are not writing because you want it to be good strikes at the heart of a life long artistic question. I am working on a book and have written reams of pages, but keep feeling that it's not right, a feeling that stops me dead. But as a song writer, (what I am) I will always finish a song if I believe it is good, I'm sure the ego interferes there too. However it is hard to define here, if the ego is the problem. The point you do make which is super valid, is that we shouldn't let it stop us.

Thanks Derek. Reminds me of 'The War of Art,' by Steven Pressfield. One of my favourites. Nice to hear from you again! Si.

Developing an individual ego is necessary in the Western world. But the eastern traditions allow for a much expanded experience . The ego will always try to find separation or difference or right and wrong good or bad etc. It always has its limited logic. And Hinduism it is called Ahamkara.

Perhaps it's because I'm binge reading Derek Silver posts, but "action" seems to be a current DS theme...What are YOU doing these days, Derek, good sir? In terms of verbs(action words...and maybe throw in a preposition or two) :)

Hmmm. Have also wondered why I'd stopped writing.

Worth taking a look at Holiday's book.

xoxo, M.

Yes, all too true. We don't want to say something fearing what we say may sound stupid, insincere, uncaring, uninformed, etcetera.

BTW thanks for these short articles. Better to say a few words well than a lengthy article of limited value.

intriguing. i would love it if you would give a little summary of what you found inspiring in the book as, realistically, i'm not going to read it.

Years ago I was to perform in a class on an instrument that was new to me. I was panic struck. I shared with the guy next to me and he says..."stop being on such an ego trip." It expanded my concept of what exactly is an over focus on ego...positve or negative.

Derek:

I'm sensing a theme :)

Thank you for the book recommendation.

It's impossible for us to determine what is necessary. You may put something "out there" that may seem to you unnecessary at the time, but it may fall in the eye of someone in need of just that very idea at just that very moment.

I understand this all too well. With 150 songs recorded and not released and three books I am a victim of my own ego. Thanks for reminding me.

Let's define "ego" first.

If you want to be silent from time to time, its ok. There are plenty of reasons not to communicate, and "I don't feel like it today" is a very good one. And there is nothing wrong with that.

I love this one. I too have thought my ego was only glaring while I was being boastful. I now realize that I can appear to be very humble and ego is calling the shots.
-The Monty'man
Well put! Thanks Monty. — Derek

I did not take that as an ego thing at all. To me, ego would be writing TOO much, thinking that everything you say is important.

I've always thought that a lack of ego was responsible for a person not doing the very move in life to
accomplish their goal(s). I can see a person who has been successful at something not wanting to
blemish their reputation.

Agree. But its not a popular idea. Younger generations have confused natural ego with surface confidence, ( If I say it, its so). The old Glen Gary Glen Ross motto: Always be closing...is everywhere now. Once you get past the fall out of expression, it doesn't really matter. Expression is just that. If others like it, cool. If they don't, its not wasted, but it doesn't mean you're necessarily on a higher rung of the ladder either. It's still just your ideas out there in the universe.

"'The ego fears DEATH"'
(Eckhart Tolle)

Dear Derek, 希望你能克服這個大部分的人都有的心理「障礙」，做為我們的榜樣！也許你可以隨時隨興在網上分享作品，但自限每週、二週、或每月只挑選摘要 email 給讀者。這是我本身想嘗試的方式。

Derek, I've got some time on my hands this afternoon. So in an attempt to not get myself in trouble, I have opted to write a bit. Your venue has given me a perfect outlet. I do feel like I am obligated to you, after all, you are the force behind me being able to get out into the music world. I will always be grateful. I told this in a letter to an artist up in New York, that I sent last year. He, like you, too is a force to be reckoned with and recognized in this world.

Now for your statement: Ego is the unhealthy belief in our own importance.

I take exception to this premise. I don't put as much faith in Freud as some people. I do like Victor Frankel as well as Fred Dollard & Neal Miller.
Frankel states that: primary drive in life is not pleasure, as Freud maintained, but the discovery and pursuit of what we personally find meaningful. It's always easier to put people and their problems at arms length to observe life and what it means to us. This can be healthy, until a person considers an interaction with another person or persons, as an opportunity to be "one up on that person or persons". This can be seen as an unhealthy narcissistically means of communication. In this light, those people like to hold themselves up to a light of enlightenment that only resonates in their own head. A lot of times this can be caused by an emotional injury that happened to them at an early age. Sometimes it can be a deeper, more profound knee jerk auto response that is heading toward psychological meanness. Being mean is not a psychological term. Being mean is not clinically statistically proper to explain behavior. However it does exist. Frankel tries to couch ego being able to express about what we find meaningful as a reason for "ego". Freud saw it as a reason for our own importance. If in fact, our motivations are in response to us plucking our own suspenders to announce that we are superior to others, then Yes, ego is the enemy. I think that our ability to express ourselves could also be an outlet to further information that can be a boon to others. It is not about being recognized for our accomplishments. It is about being correct in our information and situational assessments. This is also ego, but not based on Freud's analysis. Freud is based on disorder. Disorders have dominated the world of psychology, because they do not bring into account honor and meanness as verifiable for motive. Most of the psychological text books from which we get our "educational expertise" do not address this characteristics. I am not of that vein.

Derek, I do appreciate the opportunity to express this view. You may be the only person that I take the time to talk about this issue. I do have a masters in counselor education. I am retired. I told a friend some time ago, that people really do not like to change. That's ok. Take them like they are, or leave them be. I am not attempting to change anyone. I only wrote this as view that I hold, expressly just for you. The world is a wonder. I am just a part of this world. Certainly not a beacon of truth, and certainly not any more or less important in this world than anyone else. I prefer to think of myself as just a flickering light in this forest of light, semi-darkness, and complete and utter darkness.

Please seek out the Eckhart Tolle video "'Are Thoughts The Source Of Ego?"' on youtube--..From bitter experience ,he is one of the few who REALLY knows....

Derek, it is just so nice to hear from you! It doesn't matter how 'important' your ideas seem.

I read most of your notes on the book (I know myself; I won't get around to reading the book!).
I think we all struggle with some form of ego driven action (or inaction, as the case may be) here and there. My interest always lies more in (1) what is the story ego is spinning in that moment? (2) am I buying into it? (3) if so, why am I doing that?
I wear an ill-fitting career costume as a sales professional for some high-profile accounts, and I am often caught in this type of self-inquiry when I'm called upon to make some sort of decision about my work strategy. I'm very aware of the fact that my job requires a certain amount of forward-moving "sales" activity, and that I'm also being measured against peers. I have opportunities to shine (standing out against others) that I've consciously stepped back from, knowing that the only reason I'd be doing so is to satisfy ego. It's a tough tightrope to walk, but with eyes open, a very educational one!

I don't believe ego is the enemy. It's impossible to function without an ego. Ego is nothing more than who you think you are, what I think I am. Or add a comma; what I think, I am. I'm three people simultaneously; who I think I am, who you think I am and who I really am.

When who I think I am is compatible with who I really am, I'm functioning as a decent human being. My ego is "right sized". The problem is I'm an imperfect human being and have difficulty differentiating reality from my perpetual self driven illusion. So my ego can get inflated, I can drift into a greater than or less than attitude. My ego doesn't care, it just wants me to feel... something.

Either way, less than or greater than, it's an inflated ego.

The best little booklet I've ever read dealing with ego and how to look at the world can be found here:

https://www.yourspiritualhandbook.com/

It's called Your Owners Manual and it flipped the way I look at everything.

Ego is my definite enemy when it comes to playing music. Ego is the part of me that judges every note I play in an improvised solo, if ego calls the shots during a guitar solo, the feel is dead, vibe is lost, and the music suffers.

I thought the 1st answer made good sense and was a good answer. I can see how ego can be an enemy. It is likely we're all our own worst enemy.

The tricky thing about ego is that, yes, it's a sense of inflation—perhaps more immediately, it's a sense of competition. Ego is like one wave on the ocean rising up and saying to another wave, You over there, I'm better than you, you threaten me, we oppose each other, we compete for the fullness. Yet the spiritual masters teach us, ego enables us to grow, to be more conscious. It is the individual (sense of separation from other) will, and it also keeps us alive.

Hi Derek, Thanks first, I always enjoy your writings.

I'm unclear of the connection between ego and your not writing more. Wouldn't it be the opposite, if you were so verbose and prolific because you believed your thoughts to be so important and profound?

No I dont agree.

As a considerate individual you don't want to bother us unless you've got something you think is truly worth sharing.

Someone is over thinking the whole scenario.
I do (and did) have things worth sharing, that I wasn’t sharing, because I was worried that they might not be as good as the best things I’ve ever done. That’s ego. — Derek

...ego is the enemy,hmm, perhaps. Without it we'd be obedient slaves(soon to be trans-humans).With excess of it, we'd be despots and tyrants. It's all about finding balance.Probably the most difficult thing to do in life.It's easier said than done-we can all be great preachers and not follow our own advise (ie. politicians, clergy-men, parents,self-help "gurus" and "charlatans" ).Without ego-men would not strive to climb up the pyramid. It's the EGO that wants them up. Unfortunately, those at power never care about the balance.Ego is "good", when you're in power and ego is "bad" when those who have power over YOU have it. But that's the way our universe operates- i guess the Creator intended it that way. There's nothing we can do about it. Now don't start replying to my comment with solutions. I do not care about any feedback ;) (that's ego).
Derek, i guess you're living in N.Z.now. Lot of those men with wealth and power (ego stricken) have moved there in resent years (escaping from soon-to-be WW3?). I'm sure that place is filled with EGO ;)

Thanks, I think I will. The forward is by Steven pressfield and
I have just listened to the war of art 5 times. I am sure I will love this too:)

As a long time mindfulness based yoga teacher this topic resonates deeply with me. On the surface I can see how our egos can be perceived as our enemy and how vital it is to recognize when we are "speaking / acting from ego". If we can assume that we all have an ego (to greater or lesser degrees) and the key is a constant awareness when it tries to get behind the wheel that it also implies that "the real me" has abdicated to ego. An expression I use often and adhere to is: "if you go to war with your mind/ego you will forever be at war". So this might be perceived as a semantic argument but when we label the ego as our enemy it also becomes a declaration of war. On another note this is really interesting territory you are in now and a long way from CD Baby. Much repsect, Henri Ferguson

Thanks for sharing again, Derek.

Your review of "Ego is the Enemy" has made it next on my list of books to get.

-Abhay

Hi Derek,

have always appreciated you, your sensibilities and your creations.

i've come to see ego as a two-sided coin - on one side ego represents arrogance, and the other side represents confidence. which is in part the basis of my life's work over the last decade. to someone who has not yet found their power confidence can look like arrogance, as such our confidence can trigger envy and darker emotions of resentment and vengeance. arrogance is always the enemy, but perhaps our greatest teacher... if we accept the humblings that must and will always come when we embrace it... in the moment or as a lifestyle.

if you ever come back and are in fl, let's get lunch - i have some conceptual tools that will show you how what you know by heart fits together, represented by a few simple tools that capture the simplicity on the far side of human complexity - what we all strive to understand... seventeen years of work, down and in... and now they are percolating up and out... all in good time.

keep it up!

nos vemos,

dan keenan
compulsive mapper of the human experience...

Indeed your mailing list is huge! I usually real all comments of a blog post, but I can't keep up with your reader's comments. Just a few days and there are hundreds already! :D

Derek,
Please keep your creative energy flowing. Your inspiration and creativity is a Light for all to experience.
From studying with a Buddhist teacher I am learning that everything I "thought" I was, all my trainings, certifications, degree, etc.is illusion and I am nothing. Humbling as it was I am able to begin to see all beings as same, not more nor less, a vast potential of fluctuating energy.
Practicing true compassion for our selves and for all beings comes from allowing each breath to radiate Love for that is all there is. No judgement. It is all good!

Its very real my reality and personalized book, I read it and now I read it again!!

i never come to think of it like this, and it made me think, thank you for sharing, (even my comment seems to me as not important so i wrote it :)

Hmmm...not sure I get you on this one Derek. As brilliant as Prince was, he would often make the mistake of releasing too many songs, which in turn would dilute albums that otherwise would have been brilliant.

There's something to be said about restraint and releasing our very best to our followers. In your case, I read almost every post as I know it will be a jewel. More doesn't necessarily mean better, nor do I believe your restraint is an ego thing. There's something to be said for just good common sense, of which you have plenty.

Hi Derek,
someone recommended to read these lines on this page, and I received that message some minutes ago.
I must say: glad I received it at all and what a precious coincident.

An hour ago, or so, I though: "Maybe nobody is interested in that subject, so better Selim: leave it, write something more common, something that people actually read."

Cheers
Selim

I have felt this for years, yes we all struggle with ego some more than others, but I can see definitely "Ego"has been my bigger mountain, I had achieved awards in music, and I always feel I am nothing, and never do YouTube videos, either because I feel fat, not playing enough piano. Wow, just thank you

Thinking back, when I was in the film industry, I used to let my ego get in my way some times....not TOO often but when it did, I found it was most counter productive. Thank God, I managed to keep my ego at bay. No one is any better than anyone else.

Will try & read when I get back from England? Will save this e-mail & hopefully pass it on to other with the same (Inflated Ego)LOL! Jose

Let's not swing too far to the other end though.

We don't need to share everything we write. Maybe you just want to share your best stuff.

Writing more doesn't mean sharing more.

My children watch 12 and 15 yrs old love watching daily vlogs. They are interested in the lives of those they watch, they are on the same wavelength so always happy to consume a 2 minute of 15 minute blog. Your an interesting guy Derek so just put it out there, try it for a while, you can always withdraw again. But I enjoy all your output ☺

All this pondering of ego... perhaps concern over the quality and even the spirit, of what one puts out, is being considerate of others.

To every thought that can be converted to action ( your other post ), there is motivation which might be driven by pleasure.

you like to do an activity because
1. you simply derive pleasure from performing the action
2. you expect other to appreciate you and thus derive pleasure from it.

if you weight too much on #2 and the returns are diminished after the action is realized, our brains record the output and prefer not to undertake the future action since we where not rewarded.

Its not possible to completely remove ego. you got a physical body you got ego and you identify with the body. In this world we do need ego to function. So its ok to have ego, but not be greedy. We need control......but alias its easier said than done :)

I read this book after seeing your high review. "Play for the name on the front of the Jersey and they will remember the name on the back #qte" People think they are individuals but actually part of a team. They are carbon copies of their neighbor.

Working on my notes on this book now. Couple points I found thought provoking:

If ego is the voice that tells us we’re better than we really are, we can say ego inhibits true success by preventing a true and honest connection to the world around us.

Just one thing keeps ego around – comfort. Doing great things is often terrifying.

You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do. So, the next stage, of course, is the hard work.

It is not enough to have great qualities, you must have management of them.

Derek,

I have just downloaded the book and plan on making it my next read. I often tell myself, "if you just get the hell out of your way you could get a lot of stuff done".

There are a lot of great ideas out there, thanks for sharing this one.

I think you're right but quality is important too! I think there is a balance.

I actually have this book in my reading pile right now. I will be getting to it shortly! ☺

I think I can contribute to the ego/not ego discussion.

As for ego, I have a life-style habit of doing ego checks for a lot of things such as blog posts and speaking up in a group, to name only two occasions.

A nice metaphor might be the "sitting in a circle" groups for "community building" based on the work of Scott Peck who used the work of the Quakers. A guideline: "Speak only when moved, do not speak when not moved."

"Not moved" would include speaking too quickly, or before folks have. digested what was just said, or merely from your own curiosity without any regard for others.

For me, "going against my better judgement" is a rationalization for not having ego-checked enough. (or not having gotten grounded first) Of course, sometimes I do no check, and then I have no judgment.

Checking for "moved" is similar to checking my ego just before I post.

Ego or insecurity???
I deleted the above statement and decided not to send it because I thought it was not good enough. Then I realized that is exactly what you were sharing/teaching... Thanks for being you.

Be lesser, do more. A much greater challenge and consideration, than natural [humanizing] tendencies to be more, do less. On the other hand, are we not to love our enemy? - mainly our five-sense limiting little self? Derek, you continue to expand and inspire us to look closer and deeper inward. And that our manifestations in the outward are greater/higher and more selfless in nature, than what appears in opposite negating behavioral patternings.

Hi Derek!
Very good food for thought! I see what you mean...Feeling less important or the need to be important frees your mind...you're less aftaid to act and make mistakes...

Thanks Derek. I actually was introduced to stoicism through you and the book reviews you have on your site. I read "the obstacle is the way" so i will have to check this one out too!

Ego is an interesting topic. I really like Alan Watts's view on it: "The biggest ego trip going is getting rid of your ego". How I understand it, is that you will never be able to get rid of your ego by trying to get rid of the ego. Instead, you should pursue "The Art of Being: A state of wholeness in which the mind functions freely and easily, without the sensation of a second mind or ego standing over it with a club."

- from someone who tried to get rid of his ego for a few good years :)

Was ill for last three years. Became a zombie. Woke up 4 months ago. What had illness taught me. Be grateful for surviving. Move from ego to heart. Much happier.

Thanks for book list. Two interesting books The Time Paradox and The Lucifer Effect.

You are very brave Derek Sivers. Many people think that everything they write is important.

As a longtime Buddhist student, there have been hours spent in contemplation of ego--its meaning, non-meaning, what to do about it, how to help others with theirs, and so on. many months of retreats and so forth. one could say that the entire Buddhadhama is based around such notions and how to practice with them.

my conclusion for the time being is that ego is most definitely not the enemy. thinking that ego is the enemy is the enemy. to designate it as such simply gives rise to another constellation of thoughts, a refreshed conception of "I". non-ego seems to be beyond thought and anything that solidifies it as friend, enemy, neither, both is an obstacle in so-called non-attachment to my own so-called importance.

2 cents worth form a fellow seeker after truth. thanks for everything you do on Planet Earth. many bright lights result.

Many good comments here;I can identify with Paulina at #256 saying "ego has been my bigger mountain"

For me, the story of my life has been steadily getting more capable as I get more aware of my ego. Derek, your learning on this specific issue will surely not be your last ego learning.

Here's a story: I was working in the field of disabilities, with adults with mental handicaps, working in two settings: both in homes and in workshops. As a new worker, I just kept silent, as staff in each of the two settings were so negative against the other setting.

I was silent until I went to college to take a program in Disability Services. During my class workplace training, I asked the teacher my big question:
"Why is there so much bad feeling and disrespect between residence and workshop?" My teacher had no answer.

So I asked my company's Chief Executive Officer, who replied simply, "Ego." ... I have been careful to manage my ego ever since.

‘Ego is usually just overdressed insecurity’ - QUINCY (min 23)

Derek, now that you have been enlightened as to the havoc our egos can do to our lives, i’m sure you can come up with a remedy or maybe see the good things that your ego has created for us all!!! Warm greetings from the sunny land of Israel!!! Joyce

I really like your typography choice. Also, glad to see your words and thoughts again. Spot on, I’m at a precipice of releasing a new phase of my work and perhaps nitpicking it to inertia.

Above, I mentioned ego in places I knew. By rumour, I have heard that the C.I.A. and the F.B.I. have such fantastic ego against each other that they would not share information to prevent 9/11.

Furthermore, the F.B.I. failed to share with the New York Police Department to such an extent, one time, that made it into the newspapers, you would swear the F.B.I. had been infiltrated by Al-Quaida.

I once read of ego things (omitted from the Atlantic magazine article, strangely) that caused the failure of the helicopter rescue of the Iranian hostages.

I once read of a solution: Management guru Peter Drucker was on a civilian advisory board, during Vietnam, regarding the armed forces. Vietnam involved such things as the Air Force refusing to buy slow propeller planes, like in WWII, forcing the army to resort to buying helicopters to be flown by warrant officers. Then the Air Force tried to insist the pinwheel pilots all be Air Force. I doubt the army officers's reply was very gentlemanly.

Should I laugh or cry about such ego? An Atlantic cover story once noted that by looking at the Pentagon's weapon's budget, procurement, and equipment given to the Iraqi police and armed forces, you would never guess that the U.S. had been attacked and was engaged in two land wars. The Iraqi police didn't have enough Toyota trucks, walkie talkies or flak vests. The pentagon egotists couldn't afford it. (I think the writer was Jamie Fallows)

I'm not much against teenage airmen, sailors and soldiers having ego against the other services. Such is youth. But any officers over 21 should have more couth.

So yes, to avoid thinking that lives were "wasted," as the troops said, the least I can do today is try to lead by example by controlling my own ego. Call it a life-style choice. I know this can be done because I have done so. But of course I won't offend your ego by telling you to do likewise. But I might get on my knees and beg.

The solution Drucker noted, in a management book, was a rumour that officer promotions were being made contingent on cooperation, so that (in my words) officers and gentlemen could at least "act as if" they had their egos under control.