I can relate to this on a variety of levels. For example, relationships, which I like to call the "Final Frontier..."

Lovely..
Thanks for the 'focus' pep talk
Think l should read it every month or so.
Just to remind me what is important.
Thanks and best wishes to you
Tom

Sometimes it is so hard to know yourself, or to admit the truth. I can't admit what I really want most of the time. It isn't what I've been for the past 50-odd years. It doesn't just scare me, it would scare those who think they know me. It might scare some people who rely on me to be who I am. Maybe I want to be there for them more than I want to be what I want to be?

Excellent insight, at 56 years old I'm starting to figure it out. Thanks again!

I thought the post would be about why 'you really want to be famous', 'you really want to make a lot of money', etc...

This might out of your post topic. Must there be a why for those? Is 'i just want it I couldn't explain' okay for you Sivers?

Every time I read one of Derek's posts I'm like 'dammit Derek, you've turned everything on its head again.' This post is so refreshingly honest, it's brilliant. Think this is a print out and stick on wall post. You're a legend Derek, really.

Resonating post. Although I'm already 26, it seems most of the whys in my life can be easily answered by what society and culture expects of me. Chinese household growing up, so it was all about getting A's, a degree, a proper job, and no doubt soon to settle down, marry, and provide, while living in the suburbs. I'm recognising this one size fits all fatal flaw, so to circumvent, I am going to experiment with moving out (I still live with parents) and focusing on signalling social status, perhaps via purchasing better clothes and a car. Of course this sounds superficial - I already know deep down my happiness and fulfillment comes from a moving out of my comfort zone and taking risks. For example I'm scared to death to talk to a girl I find attractive. Consuming more materialistic goods won't help. But no doubt this world operates a lot based on superficial status, and so for now I need to optimize for that as well as social skills. The "why" would just be because I need to see progress and external validation to continue feeling motivated. Maybe when I'm older or have my next big psychedelics trip, then I'll really know.

I read your post and am thinking now of my why. I drifted too long in my life with the "whatever" attitude. Now I am focused on my why. Currently it's to change my income stream from the active of working as a cameraman to the passive as an investor so I can have economic freedom for myself and children.
The how is through real estate investment. I've have spent the last year focused on that and it's starting to work.
The future will be open for creative projects and giving back to the people and ideas I care about.

Life has so much to offer. The difficulty is to chose what is most important to us and let go of the rest, to focus just on that. Saying NO can be really frustrating and give us a sense of "missing out" - not easy.

So true, Derek. But I often wonder about that old chestnut "But the worst thing in life would be a death-bed regret that you’ve spent your life pursuing what someone said you should want, instead of what you really want." Is there any evidence that it's true? Has anyone interviewed people on their death-bed and asked them what they think about their lives looking back? I think it's more likely one would think "Well, there were good days and bad days, more good than bad but nobody bats a thousand."

I don't clearly know the "why" sometimes, even though I constantly think about it. Because the "why" might change along the life journey.

Ultimately, I think my core "why" is personal development. I always feel that if I'm not growing, I'm dying. And that's the only way to be useful to others.

I like this piece. A lot.

What if your desire seems to be in opposition to what you are already optimized for?

Let's eschew the clearly delusional scenarios ("I'm a 73-year-old grandma, and what's important to be is to play in the NBA.", etc.)

Let's use your example of a Hollywood star. "I'm famous, but now I've had an epiphany and want to optimize for wealth instead." she says. How does that person weigh the risk of squandering her "celebrity capital" in pursuit of a career as a producer? (In all likelihood the gifts that got her famous will work against her as an anonymous businessperson... I'm thinking of MD's who are often poor investors.)

I do agree with you, I think. So I'm not arguing. Just realizing your premise requires MORE thinking and analysis, not less.

PS - God's handwriting is notoriously difficult to read. That's how it goes when your writing instruments are matter and energy, and your medium is the space-time continuum.

Those who say that "You Can't" or "You Won't" are probably the ones who's afraid that you will. They're giving you a free statistic to proof that you're already ahead of them.

I think most of us are cursed with more than one "why." As a parent, musical artist and business consultant, I strive for artful compromise and the ability to prioritize the demands of each role. The one dimensional strategy you propose risks leaving too much wreckage in one's wake.

I have two goals. One is to help children at school who need mentoring and coaching along, as they find their way in the world. We might help these kids in ways we never ever could have imagined was possible.

The other is to get my music out to as many people as possible. Perform as much as is possible, which is almost nil during the school year, so very difficult....but to connect with my audiences when I do play...which is always very special and cool. I have a weekend gig coming up at Down Home Music, around the holiday season. I treasure the few times I get to play out during the school year, as they are so far and few between. Magical and special none the less. Thanks Derek for your thoughtful articles.

Damn, that's a good one. I've read it before but it always gets me thinking what do I really want.

I'm a bit torn between pursuing a musical career and business. So far business is winning...

I'm reading this as I lie awake in a small French town waiting to start my journey of 500 miles, hiking the Camino de Santiago over the next 5 weeks. I agree with everything said in the post. My delima is that I don't know what value matters most to me. I'm in a state of transition. Thanks for your words, as usual they are profound. When I started my business in 2011, your book gave me courage. Now as I decide what's next in life, your words, again, inspire. Thanks

Always great tension between learning from others and following your own tune. Embracing the discipline of doing what you "should" do is often a reasonable prelude to knowing why you want to choose a certain path. It's a long life - best to treat it as such.

So true. Derek, thanks for this article. I first discovered Derek Sivers when I listened to the podcast interview with Tim Ferris. Derek has such awesome insight, totally game changing. Thank you. I just recently started my website below, and am remembering my "why."
Persistnow.org

What one single book could you recommend that made such an impact and transformed you,that it is worth rereading yearly, listening to it's audio version etc.?
Great article btw. I'm not looking to be a multi-millionaire but I would like the good life (health, wealth and love).
I loved your podcast with Tim. Hope you will see him again soon. All my best.
P.s. Derek do you have a book list whereby you place the books by importance/impactfulness?
At sive.rs/book, they are sorted with my top recommendations up top. So you could say that's in order of importance and impactfulness. — Derek

It would be interesting to hear why you are revisiting this question seven years later.

As to the question, I do a life plan and revisit it every year* to see if I have been living in alignment with it. Sometimes I've had a spectacular year and sometimes not. I always examine ways I got sidetracked from my goals to troubleshoot ways to get back on track in the future.

*Sometimes I skip a year, depending on life circumstances.

One thing I decided in 2003 when, within one year I got divorced and got laid off from the software/tech industry, was that I was going to align my life with being the kind of parent to my son where I was present and involved every day. This made it easy to assess opportunitues and situations. I also had other goals for my own self-fulfillment that I persued but not at the expense of my main goal.

I successfully got my son off to college in 2015 and also had to move because my landlord sold the beachhouse I had been living in for many years. So lots of upheaval kept me from revisiting my plan. This Fall I am creating an all new, from the ground up plan now that I successfully met my goal -- not that there aren't times I am needed as a parent -- but my son has his own life now and I can start shift into a new life phase based on new goals.

During all those years I passed up incredible professional opportunities and I have been judged by many who believed that my passing on those opportunities was wrong for my son. I dated someone once who believed that parenting was strictly about money and security (he was not a parent, BTW) and that I was a bad parent for not having more money. This gets to the point you mentioned where others will think you are wrong. If you are clear about why you are doing what you are doing, you will never go wrong.

Utterly, frigg'n, brilliant!

As Simon Sinek suggests in his Ted Talk "you want to start with the why". What is your purpose and once you have located that you work towards it.

Great to know. Always better to be reminded. Thanks Derek.

Great article. A lot of people I know and myself included struggle to answer this in specifics. Ive recently taken steps to be more free with time which is our most valuable currency. My goal is to live comfortably, not having to worry and say yes, to experience and travel the world more!

Really great post. I have been noticing lately that all my decision making for the last few years has been around constantly preparing for the future (financially mostly) but sacrificing happiness, experiences and time with people in the process. Going through this thought process might help rebalance things out.

Thanks Derek for a most interesting and timely article.

I appreciate the fact that you pointed out that we need to be honest about the why.

Too often we want the why to be something that sounds good... making the word a better place etc... when in reality we may crave something more basic... fame or money or freedom... and (as you pointed out) these basic "needs" can be in conflict with each other.

I have been reading my sections of my journal from the last 10 years... and to my surprise I have been complaining/writing about the same thing all this time.

Obviously the WHY is not being answered.

I will be spending a bit of time questioning my WHY and then creating a clearer plan for it.

Too often it becomes easy to think "I can have it all". We're encouraged to be multi-faceted and of course it's hard to be monomaniacal. ;)

I remember this guy whose life study was of "peak performers," the best of the best. His conclusion? They shared one and a half magnificent obsessions. Yes, they had That One Thing... but they always had a 2nd passion, often complementary. If they were great at math, they also dove deep into music. A great singer might invest time & effort into painting. Derek, you'd like that often the 2nd passion was music ;)

P.so. my other thought is that for some, their 'thing' is to be good at multiple things even if not great at any one... they can be very happy too, eh?

I really appreciated this one, Derek, thanks. Sometimes I confuse my priorities and stress myself out by thinking I "should" be achieving "more" in areas of life that really are supporting roles to the "why" of my life. Thanks for the reminder that I actually have a personal pecking order.

Great post, Derek!

Here are the big takeaways for me:

1. "Once you realise it and admit it..." I think that we often feel that wanting something is greedy or that we are undeserving of it. So we're not only unaware of the power of working out what we want, unaware of what we really want or lazy or unfocused, but might actually feel too guilty to even contemplate aspirations like that or that we may be accused of thinking that we're more deserving than we really are.

2. "But whatever you choose, brace yourself, because people are always going to tell you you’re wrong." How true this is - especially given 1. above and if, as you suggest, your strategy is counter-intuitive.

I'm in the dramatic improvement space (as you know) - and so in my world, if you want dramatically better results (than what you are currently getting or than what your current strategy can deliver), a counter-intuitive strategy is essential. (Because it's safe to assume that we've exhausted all of the obvious options...)

And the problem with counter-intuitive solutions is that they are indistinguishable from stupid solutions, until you understand them!

Gary

Lets say that you are clear exactly about what is important and what works. Lets say the deficits you wish to address would lead to improvements in small amounts in each column. The problems always are embedded in specifics and often the answers are just not there. Its OK to realize that action A will solve problem B as long as A is a generality but when it moves to a specific it becomes another thing all together.

Lets take your examples. A person wants to increase the fame column.Not a lot, just a tiny bit. But just how does that work? How do you know your actions will even work and at the end of the day you received no fame and wasted time you could have been more productive with. This is gambling, not plan following.

Lets say you want to increase and speed up cash flow, the same dynamics are in place. Like you said the execution is worth 20000 times the idea.

The details of execution are everything in these pictures. This is why there are so many people selling solutions to these problems. (their solutions don't work, they are just trying to make money by selling the promise of a solution)

A fully busy person can not waste time and effort without suffering when it is drawing away from useful action.

The best way is to be able to construct solutions which have specifics so all can be measured and optimized. But the world frequently doesn't work that way. You always have to have flesh in the game of any action and any action can create a deficit in the areas which are working and very important.

I'd pay someone to solve these problems. I have a list of needed tactics. The small number of people I know don't have the skills for the job.

I ask myself, is there a business or company that will work to solve such tasks?

There may not be it would take a lot of experience, intelligence and intuition run such a thing! If I had nothing else to do in life I would start such a company and hire the proper talent.

But all that doesn't matter. Things all come down to a form of gambling and guessing. Not very reliable!

So I guess thinking about it is all that's left.

I have been searching for many years for what I can do that is highest positive impact in the world. An article I wrote back in 2012 was picked up by Hacker News:

http://lesswrong.com/lw/e26/who_wants_to_start_an_important_startup/

Since writing that article, I have continued searching on my own, and have developed a start-up weight loss company based on my findings. Basically following the philosophy of "sell people what they want, give them what they need." Weight loss is an excellent vehicle for great memes across the board. We now give away our book as a free pdf with the newsletter and work with private clients with very rewarding results :)

http://permamentweightlosssolutions.com

Thank you so much !!!

Really good reminder for life. Also, scale it down and it's a good reminder to keep me mentally present for daily, weekly, monthly goals. I think I will cancel my internet browsing "plans" and get to work!

Goals are for the young. Their goals allow them to push themselves, to experience the ups and downs of life, and to learn who they really are and what they’re capable of. Having achieved a goal, one looks back and sees the entire journey differently for having reached its end. Do that often enough, and one becomes an adult.

Adults come to see life not as an Olympic event, but as a group activity—being a good, supportive family member, being an engaged employee of your workplace, being a contributing member of your community. Goals in this context are what one does with the interstices—diet and exercise, continuing education, workbench projects, artistry, whatever. Thus I find the whole subject of goals difficult to get my arms around.

But exceptions abound—entrepreneurs, visionaries, activists, geniuses of one type or another—such people include disruption in their life plan, while still trying their best also to be the ‘adults’ described above. That’s a tall order—which is why there are not more of such people. Only the truly driven have any reason to make life even more challenging than it already is. The rest of us tend to make a goal of finding something pleasant to do during our leisure time, and making as much of that leisure time as we can.

I thought myself exceptional—until I’d become more familiar with the world and realized that, out of seven billion, exceptional isn’t always automatically ‘rich and famous’. I found my exceptionals to be balanced neatly against my weaknesses. I found ‘rich and famous’ to be a silly goal, because both balance their advantages against their hassles. And I found that personal, private success is hard to enjoy when there are so many people with less comfort, less wealth, and less opportunity.

On the other hand, saving the world is a tall order—and I’m not that ambitious. I would have to satisfy myself with being engaged in my family’s, and my community’s, welfare—but then I became disabled and found myself the target of support, rather than the source. Surprise! Nothing educates like vulnerability. A great chunk of my ego was carved away. A great load of gratitude was grudgingly taken on. I went from dreaming of doing things no one else could do, to wishing I could do what any average person could. I was, as they say, ‘taken down a peg’.

We don’t choose our goals any more than we choose our talents or our failings—goals accommodate themselves to the size of their container, if you will. But I appreciate your advice—whatever the goal, we should all be seeking maximum joy and personal growth—and time is short, so whatever we want to do, we better get busy doing it.

I can see your point. Everyone can have one's own setting for it.
George Lucas has the same Idea that I have: Do thing (film-making) for one self is the priority, not for money. Money came to him as phenomena.
If we can believe in it, that it. If you want to chase money, well that it go ahead. You might never be satisfied though, like Larry E.

Derek, people who are unsatisifed with their jobs may be unsatisifed for any number of reasons - they may be in a profession they enjoy, but the current circumstances may be unfavorable - so, yes, I am going back farther than your post starts but the true starting point is are you happy with your work circumstances? If not is it because of the core job or the surrounding circumstances - pay, boss, commute, shift, autonomy, opportunity to advance or it because you really don't like the profession itself? People often confuse the two. So if it's really the profession then the next step is your article and ithe question what do really want to do? All law offices, software development companies and teaching 5th grade teaching assignments are not experienced equally so perhaps before changing professions - change locations - unless of course it's blaringly headache inducing that misery is about the core job itself. The core job and the surrounding job variables can be confused - Hamilton

That's a good one for me. Thank you, Derek!

Hey Derek - great post (as always)... but I'm really curious about the flying cat in the photo - what became of HIM? :)
Cheers,
Gary

This post is good timing.

Very funny, and not surprising. This blog post mirrors the talk I gave this morning. You are right. Knowing what you really want is the first step. And for many (most? all?) people its the hardest step. To tease out exactly what you want, not what society says you should want, or what your family has always done, or what the media tries to drum into your head, or, or, or .... What I have noticed is that as I have started getting serious about this question, my clarity has improved and I am getting closer to an answer that honestly seems true for me. i continue to discover ways i have kept myself throttled back, small-ified, so that i don't embarrass anybody in the process of my own becoming. Love the question. Not yet sure of the answer. Thanks!

This can be so much harder than it sounds. It can be confused because few of us only want one thing to the exclusion of all others. It's shocking how a little bit of extra thinking can constitute overthinking. But as an aid to this process, consider the idea that you already know what you really want, but you might think it unworthy, childish, impractical, embarrassing, and thus shut down the thought almost before you have a chance to think it. And consider that your life might look radically different if you change it, and that might not be as humiliating as you imagine once you're in it.

Great read, I understand the most important things to me are three fold. Learning, Creating and Giving, not necessary in that order, depends on the moment.

Dear Derek,
Stayin' Alive, creating music, promoting it selling it, playing my piano with 15 bass pedals that I made/invented in 1980. (Year I stoped drinking).
(Trumpet solos right hand)
Bottom pedal note = Bb, sorry, rock gits call that note A#. (Jazz men don't).

Mate, hope you are well, still married, all that gear. I still live in down-town Narooma NSW OZ. Still have minimal contact with CD Baby
(beware of the Dutch!!!!).
Wish you lots of good luck, dear mate.
Mark The Mad Muso Of OZ.79 next Jan.

What am I doing? Well, I'm a blog artist while waiting
for CDBaby profits to go from the crawling stage to
walking... ]

I am suspicious of "why" questions like this even though I think you mean to provoke authentic living with which I am in complete agreement. I wanted to follow my heart, which took me out of law and into music. And playing music runs into the collateral external desires to be successful as measured by money, fame and fortune. Following my heart is uniquely not of the mind yet to ask the question why is to drive me into the cerebral and away from the heart. The heart whispers (or screams) “do this.” Ask not why. Do not try and make sense of it. There are experiences waiting for you here. Don’t explain or defend. Take the experiences that the heart is kind enough to let you know you want. The heart quest is oft times impossible to explain to yourself let alone someone else. Thanks for the thought provoking ideas.

Once you know what's most important - Optimising is tricky, but thinking in daily steps might be the best approach, even if it's - try, adjust, try again. Thanks Derek!

Could not of been better written! I have lost all too many opportunities waiting on the validation from others in regards to how realistic my entrepreneurial ambitions are. Now that I know why I want what I want, I feel a little more confident in my own ideas. Thank you Mr. Sivers!

Yeah, you're right. it's worth double checking this. I need a holiday.
Best wishes.

I think you need to be true to your core values even if it conflicts with your passion or inner voice. I had a chance at a young age to play for a very famous Bay Area hall of fame metal band. It would have meant leaving my wife and child at the age of 24. This would have never worked and I stayed for the sake of my family. There's not a day that goes by that I don't wonder what life would have been like if I would have played lead guitar for "That band".

It was my choice and on my death bed, I won't regret not selling out my family for fame and fortune. Perhaps that's the difference between those with skill and mores and those with just skill. God knows there are enough fatherless children in this world and it's not making the world any better. The older I got the easier it was to see that what's truly important is what you do for others, which eventually makes the world a better place.

I have no regrets.

Exactly! Love it! Decided to do what I love.

The value that matters most to me is using my past challenges, giving up a career due to hearing problems in the music world which was my reason to live and turn this into a coaching method to creatively help others to find their fulfilment when just exisiting in the corporate world. Also in reading this article realise there is still an unfulfilled part of myself and it is not about going back into the performing arts world. Believe it is around leaving entrepreneur programs where I do not feel a passion, have learnt enough tech/digital stuff, need to get back to my core and what turns me on, successful financially savvy creatives.

I don't even know why am I reading this article, why would I know much else?

This knowing is essential to being able to fully focus your attention on achieving the success you desire.

These are great insights...and I seem to be running into similar themes lately.

I read something by Bob Proctor that said 'most people don't think...they remember. They play old memories, or fight old arguments or live past regrets in their heads, but because there is mental activity going on...they assume it's *thinking*.

Deliberately creating an image in your mind of what you want, and knowing *why* you want it (and getting honest about that), is one of the best investments I think anyone can make.

Thanks for this great article, man...

m|p

Great Article! It is very relevant to what I'm currently going through. I made a decision in 2004 to become a professional pilot. When I got my first check as a pilot In 2006 I was very unimpressed. My starting salary was 15k a year. I started a small chimney service to supplement my salary.
Fast forward 10 years and the chimney service is doing 1.5 million a year and the demands of my flying career are more than ever. I'm struggling more than ever trying to accomplish my to do list while trying to balance my marriage, social life and down time. All while being inundated with Idoltrious digital distractions. My motives have changed I enjoy my company as much as I do flying but I'm struggling to keep up with it all.

Best regards,
Doug

P.S. Thanks for the article.

This is a rational approach, based on the assumption that pursuing what you want is beneficial. It might be, but other approaches might also work. For example an empirical approach, trying out lifestyles and observing what the benefits and drawbacks are.

Love your thinking, love your blog, keep up the great work!

So much truth! Thank you!!

There is no replacement for kindness. It takes time out of my day but the memories it makes create a richness of life that a BMW can't
I also dedicate time to create, be it my photography or music. Life is short and people are kind. That is how I live it.

My dad was an amazing singer. When he wasn't working 2 jobs for me and my brothers he would always be singing to the instrumentals that sometimes came with the Motown records. He had so many stories about the singers we listened to, the inside stories, the real truth on many of the groups and artists he collected records. But in the end when I talked to his friends and our family about him after he died, they all said "Big Larry was an amazing man who worked to make sure his kids were taken care of." or "Big Larry that was a worker" or "Larry, he knew how to hustle."

My point is that working was my father's legacy, whatever I may have seen, wished for and hoped.

Work and money shouldn't be the main thread that flows through one's life, it should only support it.

Thanks for the great words DS

Wonderful article, spot on! Thank you for sharing your wisdom with others!

This article rings true on soooo many different levels !

I reckon the vast majority of folks end up (to a very great extent) living their lives, or parts of their lives, based on the expectations of others - which in itself is not wrong, it's just the way it is.

However, what do we do if we get to a point when we realise it's not what we really want, whatever "it" may be. The challenge we then have to deal with is do we act upon that realisation, and change, or continue....

Thank you for this.

My compass has been spinning constantly as I have let other people's magnetism around me pull my talents in many directions for the past 40 years.

Finally I pointed it in one direction, at least as much as I can keep directing it, by learning to play guitar, something I have wanted to do since I was ten years old.

Thank you for the article. It was well written and an easy read. Admitting to what you really want can help in achieving Your goals, and it can also help one to make a moral or ethical choice in life. Your examples were right on. Do I want to be famous? Is that who I want to be? Is my bottom line money? Is that who I am? Your article will help us go forward, or turn back and explore who we want to become as a whole person, than pick your goal, double check why, and go for it!

First, a minor quibble: if people are always telling me I'm wrong, they are not the right people. I need partners who are honest with me -- when I am on course and when I veer off.

So trusted "consultants" are crucial to my success. (I happen to be married to one of mine.)

Another crucial element is my capacity to monitor my interest or energy levels. Without excitement about a project I'm working up hill. A good thing to avoid when I can.

Also, a mentor can help. Here is an article my partner (and spouse) wrote about the best ways to attract a great mentor.

https://vogelglaser.com/articles/attracting-great-mentors-seven-strategies-cultivate/

Enjoy.

A very interesting thought thanks for sharing this!

Can we store up energy in the eternal and if we can then its a no brainer to invest heavily in it. If we survive this mortal existence then what is it we need to focus on here and now that has eternal value? Ĺearning to embrace unconditional love might be a start. But how?

Can we store up energy in the eternal and if we can then its a no brainer to invest heavily in it. If we survive this mortal existence then what is it we need to focus on here and now that has eternal value? Ĺearning to embrace unconditional love might be a start. But how?

This has been really helpfull. Made me think, 'when am I truly happy?' I think I'm happiest when I 'know something is good.' When your working in the studio and you just know it's going to be a great production of a song, when someone comes up and says 'listened to your cd last night, liked it so much I'm getting the other one now,' ( happens a bit as I busk the same spot night after night). Even when I cook something and know it's good, or have an idea for art work on a CD cover. Is it knowing something is good, or knowing others will enjoy it because it's good? Maybe knowing others will enjoy it. Or knowing people enjoy something I've made. It makes me feel proud. Some other people say I should feel proud wether others enjoy my music or not, that I shouldn't need others to gratify me. Derek, were you proud of CD Baby because you made it, or because it was so useful? If it hadn't been useful, given opportunities, filled a need, would you still be proud of it? Would it effect the pride you took in being the creator of that company? You'd probably still have moments of joy during the process of making something, that you felt would be useful......... Sorry for such a long message!

I'm in my mid 60"s... so being famous, making a lot of money all of that is not so important any more... I do like to give back to the younger generation and help them out anyway I can. I have a studio and have recorded up and coming talented musicians, at no charge...but only because I believe in them. (CristianPerezemusic.com) and I volunteer for a couple of charities that help young at risk kids get involved in music. I do repairs for guitars for Hungryformusic.org, and Guitarsnotguns.org... They give instruments to "at risk" kids in the house that they will turn to music instead of gangs and guns... This gives me a lot of satisfaction....as I do see results from what these groups do. As far as recording and writing goes...I've done my time, and now it's time to give back....

Great post Derek, thanks for this. I hope the cat survived.

Man, all that seems so awesome but still tough to achieve. Responsibilities and situations demand so much, so many times one has to do what one has to, rather than what one wants to do.

I think the "why" we do what we do is ultimately one thing and one thing for everyone - to survive. For some people they can also add that they don't know anything else to do than what they do and that's why they do it.

I know there's a note saying that some comments are old, but I assume they are replying to the same subject material. If that's the case, I thought it was interesting that so many of the comments talked about the person's success or lack of it or how well they've done with whatever they do and avoided saying why they do what they do. Unless of course for all those people "success" is why they do what they do. Seems like a disproportionate number of people if that's the case. (Perhaps old comments should be removed if they were responses to other content? Perhaps old articles should not be replaced, only deleted)?

Hi Derek! Ha Ha the photo! Hmmnnn "What the heck are YOU doing??!!"... Perpective that comes from a deeper place, from a spiritual point of view will come from a place that only the individual can understand. Perhaps their is a blueprint that is found by the willing, the courageous, the ear who listens and for some reason they like the salmon move instinctively towards a design just as a flower knows when to bloom. Would you say that life is all about money, fame..ect..?? I think like Brad Pitt once said, "It isn't here folks..." (my translation) So why driven to attain anything if the basket is found empty. I think it comes to a point in life that we choose or not choose to define ourselves in a broader perspective then our own small moment in time. Even the scientists know that knowledge of the "world beyond" becomes a choice of God or not, it leads us to this, this fork in the road. How can one say they are happy and fulfilled on their journey? Finding their blueprint, out of time, do they lie? Or does truth prove itself with it's evidence of joy, peace, and love? Every pot made on the potters wheel tells us it's story, how it turns out, was it's truth true, based on it's center. The evidence is in it's product, what it becomes. If the pot is made from a false truth, off center so to speak it will show us in it's finished form. Would one not desire to feel joy, and dare I say, happiness, fullfillment, to create an enviornment that is better for one's fellow man? So I feel that this is a great question, and deeper than ourselves. ☺ I hope you are doing really awesome Derek! I am so grateful for this place in my musical journey and my songs are so rewarding! We are recording, even tonight! Lots of creating in the making! Have a beautiful evening Derek ☺ Rachel

Hi Derek,
I want to first say how much I appreciate the various number of blogs you've posted that I've ended up utilizing. It's easy to tell they come from a place of real generosity and philanthropy. Your recent post with the multitude of different books recommended was for me very useful. I've purchased many of them and am enjoying the empowering information. And the video about starting a movement from your Ted Talk is really great stuff I've locked into my mental deposit box. I make withdrawls from that account daily. What's cool is the account only gets richer. So, a really nice touch on that one Derek! Also, the timing for your posts always seem to mesh well with my own internal timing in personal and professional development. This post is no different and I'm particularly pleased to notice the provided area to submit comments and email. It affords me the desired opportunity to finally thank you in a more traditional fashion. It's become my belief that feeling a connection to people like you has me taking my work more seriously. That said, let me officially say thank you for all you've done for me and the creative community at large. We are all very fortunate to have you in our corner. I will enjoy the next time something you offer out to the universe finds me again and so many others like me.

Warm regards,

David Delmar
www.daviddelmar.com

Hi Derek, As always your stuff is thought provoking! I concur wholeheartedly with what your are saying. For my first career, I was a professional bicycle racer. I learned so much about myself and others I could go on and on. This prepared me perfectly for my next full-time career as a psychologist. On the side, I am a musician.
Currently, in addition to attempting to directly help my path clients, I also prepare budding psychologists for the world of private practice. The barriers are high. Now these folks know how to run a practice before they are even out of school! My next move is to start a separate company, cover 100% of the overhead and have them work there. Yes, I will be skimming of course. They will be able to accrue their many pre-licensure hours WHILE they are building their own practices and I can provide the required clinic supervisio. As well.
Meanwhile, I play music for $ (mostly weddings at which I play solo.) I launched that biz from psychology proceeds.
The common theme in all my careers has been hat these are things I would do for free initially (more training required of course for psych.) The common raison d'etre is I want to use my energies, however limited, to promote individual health, prosperity, and well being. I can hardly. Believe how lucky I am. I'm especially lucky that we were able to adopt my daughter from China, an idea hatched way back when I was racing abroad. Many of my songs reflect personal experiences with and of others from the different areas of my life. They all seem to weave together, uh, harmoniously (haha.)
Keep up the writing Derek. I love it.
Aloha, Doug Fitch

It feels a shallow step to go from questioning why to pursuing wants, as if knowing what one wants, or what matters at a particular time, is an answer to why, or that optimizing for that want is a worthwhile pursuit.

The depth of investigation into that want likely depends on the instructor, the instructions; does it include why one wants at all, what a want is, where that want comes from and what value there is in settling for the norm of introspection and decisivenes justifying one's actions (very Hollywood). One could probably go deeper than this, Derek. I suspect you do.

I've found that, life does indeed lead you.. And as you look back on previous events and think as much as I didn't like what happened or the outcome contrary to what I had planned,or thinking that I knew what I was doing [Ha Ha] it perhaps was character building or necessary to my development or whatever that is. Its like Hey I did know what I was doing, though I didn't know it at the time....

Thank you Derek, that comes in the right moment for me. I'm pursuing several goals and am confused about what I really want, should and can do best (or should I even learn something completely new that I'm not good at yet? That would be one more goal). I often tell people that I like to go with the flow. For a long time I saw it as something positive. But more and more I feel like I'm wasting my time by doing so... I thought I am going for the freedom, I quit my job, ended my relationship, started travelling with just a bag and my laptop, and now have all the freedom I always wanted. First I really enjoyed it and jumped onto every opportunity that was brought to me. But now, the at first great looking opportunities are starting to become daily life and showing their real face. So I still don't feel completely happy again one year later. Maybe I already committed too much again, instead of keeping the freedom and turn it into something sustainable.

I think I gonna read this post every day to remind me of the importance of knowing what really matters to me, and why I do what I do. I have to rethink the freedom goal. Probably it's still the reason for me. But I need to bring it more into my awareness when making decisions.

Honestly Derek, your email came at the right time. It answered a question or should I say, I answered a question that will be critical to my success.
Xx great as always to read your posts.

Thanks Derek, you are a true inspiration. Live courageously!

Great post. As a single self-employed woman with no spouse, family or siblings as a safety net, who suffered major losses in real estate from where most of my recurring & passive income came, my sole purpose is to accumulate cash and recurring cash flow from activities where I can leverage outside resources and ultimately get back the time freedom and financial freedom I had before.

In my early years I knew what it was like to save, live within my means and paid off my house, car and other investments with cash. However, in real estate you're told to take out mortgages & leverage your assets and when things go south you lose when those loans get called and there's a hiccup in the market and your cash reserves get depleted.

The big lesson as I rebuild is to do it debt free. I wish to have the security again of living debt free and having investments & savings on hand where I hit my number. Haven't hit the number as yet but working on it!

Money & personal security are my primary motivators and I've eliminated any opportunities that distract from those key goals, especially now that I'm in my forties! Of course I invest my time I lucrative activities but the money has tone there! Time flies & life is short. Don't wish to be a burden to anyone when I get older and I'd like to use my rebuilt wealth to help others before I pass on... Just need to take care of me first... ☺

Hello Amigo Derek,
I found the article to be very interesting and so true....we need to live
our lives day to day and follow our hearts in what we do.
Jose

Thanks for the heads up on this one Derek. As I near my 50s, I am just now becoming self aware of my strengths. I knew I was always killer at being Positive, Inspirational, Art, Sales and Customer Service but I get bored doing the same job over and over. So, I created my own. As an Artistic Training Consultant, I not only consult artists on their business, but also on their artwork. I also work with art related business'.
I have found a way to put all of my strengths into one business. Now, the hard part. Making it profitable!
Thanks for all of your help Derek!
Cheers, Will

Absolutely agree Derek. A life ( or career ) devoid of meaning is an empty existence. My partner and I started a concert company to help grow bands and make them the most minimum guarantee possible. The profit is minimal ( practically non profit ) but the eventual outcome could produce the next radiohead or U2. That's a worthy goal ... Supporting the future of live music. Thanks for the insightful words as always.

BASSY Bob
Nyc.

This very important post should be required reading for all young folks in high school. This oldster is proof of the physical and psychological damage done by not following the heart's direction.

Just as always Derek, you keep hitting the nail right on the head. Your ability to convert thoughts to ideas, and present them in living color is amazing. Though not yet there, the vision and zeal remain alive within me. There too, is a strong feeling of connectivity; to you, but more so to the sense of clarity you bring as understanding what it means to be you. Thanks beyond words.

Excellent, this will certainly resonate with the Millennials.

I read "somewhere" that to be successful, find something that makes you happy and that benefits others. I've done that and slowly, it seems to be working. It involves a HELP program for veterans and while the $ hasn't started to flow, it feels right and I like doing it. So I reckon I'll keep on it.

Well said . Agreed 100% .

thankyou for this article. we all need to get on our own path and stay on it to manifest our dreams and persue what we love . others attempt to control us because misery likes company. control over others is itself an illusion. i have been taught by a native american medicine man that groups control with groupthink,but a room full of individuals will have wisdom. and that the groups will not understand what is really happening but individuals who go inside to their spirit will. the graduation of spirit is coming . those lost in the illusion will have to reincarnate on the next earth and work through more lifetimes but those ready to graduate are going to soon in the coming cleansing that leads to the fifth world of peace ,love and light. thanks ,derek i would love to talk to you on the phone as i have a lot of incredible stories to share. peaceto you

My whole life has been based on wanting things that I probably knew I could not attain. For example I always wanted to be a "rock star" and was actually very good at playing the drums. However I also suffered from agoraphobia which kept me from traveling very far from home. I always dreamed of being one of, if not "the" richest man in the world. However I am a chronic spender and can never seem to save anything. Now I suppose I could have taken meds and traveled and of course I could have buckled down (as my Mom used to say) and start saving and at least made a little bit of a fortune. The problem I guess is I'm too lazy to do it. I know thats sad, but I have become accustomed to being mediocre, but yet don't really have any regrets from it. My Grandson told me this in a conversation a while back. He said Grandpa, if you had become the rich, famous rockstar you wanted to be do you think I would still be here? He wasn't asking in a mean or sarcastic way, just a normal did I think I would I be the same person I am today. I was floored as I never really thought about how blessed my life really is, just the way it is.I still play music, even have several CD's out on CD Baby. I play out every once in awhile for small crowds and get great comments about my show. So even thou I don't live in a house so big I need a golf cart to get around, and my wife is the only groupie I take to bed every night, I still in a way accomplished what I wanted. Sometimes money and fame aren't all their cracked up to be.

Thank you kindly Derek, I enjoy reading all your articles, they provide some great insights. It's difficult sometimes to step back and ask ourself why we do what we do, especially after we invested great amounts of time , emotion or money into a project. To help remind myself why I do what I do and make better choices from the start, I created my own personal future life projection, ten years into the future and work backwards, describing the reality of things I need to do to make it possible. I turned it into a 15 minute narration against a cool soundtrack and listen to it everyday. It's pretty cool and personal to me and seems to work I change it as my life changes, it provides a point of reference so I only do things that relate to my personal vision which I describe in as much detail as possible. Let me know if you ever want me to send you a sound file.

Great post. So hard to do and something that often changes over time so we need to keep revising our goals

What a great point to make Derek! I appreciate this post very much. I feel like I have been optimizing yearly while never really going with the flow :) I love creating things more than focusing on making a lot of money. More money arriving from my creations would be welcomed though eventually. This post really releases more oxygen to the 'ol brain.

This is brilliant Derek, and extremely coincidental, as I create Story Art and have felt the tension between creating that work that influences many or doing that which is currently making me lots of money. The why requires clarity, but similarly so does action.

So I would love to share my latest story art with you on my thoughts on not only realising your why - but a component of it is to realise that death is a given. Knowing that puts a constraint on needing to take action on your why.

I'll share it with you here: https://www.instagram.com/p/BJ2HtGrhkeV/?taken-by=sikkant

Would love your thoughts. Keep up the great work.

Zoom Zoom Right on.
Yes, I've always been in conflict. Have allowed others to 'squash' my dreams at times in my life. But in general have followed my dream. Thank you for making the points and inspiring others. I suppose self-honesty comes in to it as well.

Love, love, love this message! I have been wiring through this personally and sharing my journey with others. This describes how to not only figure out what you want, but why you want it. Both knowing what you want and knowing why are important. Thank you Derek for sharing these great insights. Brian Lee Nash

Hello

Very appropriate since I've been asking myself that. Finding one's touch stone.
I have no pop up answers yet and well I'm out of the typical flow and the values seemingly of the world have shifted so much that what use to mean one thing to me, kind of no longer exists in the same way. Digital era has warped things not to mention overpopulation. Glad to have read your article adding another dimension to my thinking. Thanks.

Hi Derek OK but you said you Forrest Gumpped your way to success!
I prefer to decide what I want depending on the circumstance.
Circumstances decide what you want.
In other words, surroundings and particular situations you are in kind of force you to aim for certain things.
Going with flow is the best way to live.

It is naive and a little unrealistic to say that you can decide what you want first inside you.

It creates un-necessary barriers in your life.
It is better to go with the flow and then decide what you aim for.

Your comment about the worst regret you could have on your death bed is actually the most common regret according to the pallative care nurse that published the top five regrets of the dying. It's "I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me." Here's one link of many I pulled from Google http://www.mindful.org/no-regrets/

Cheers,
Adam

Well put again! Enjoyed the read! Diane

great picture!-that's one rad cat!!
wise words too.
I used to really want to be famous, but now I just want to be happy, helpful and connected to love. I'm famous in my world no matter what.

Thanks for you
always.
Nicola

Why am I doing what I'm doing? What a great question!! Here are my answers by more questions.
- Is this activity that I'm about to do making me excited or alive from within or if it's not excited me now, will the end result making me excite later?
- Is this activity making people I care better or happier?
- Is this activity making me feel like I'm wasting my time? Eg. Catching up with my wife's friends who always talking about themselves or their friends who I don't care... this is the biggest time wasting activity!!
- Will I regret what I'm about to do or not to do?
This is what I can think of now. And as always, thank you for your wisdoms Derek :)

Music and art are things I do like breathing. I put them on the back burner for the last 37 years to put others first. Done! Took longer than I thought but now that I finally have my place and my life to myself, I find that I'm actually making a living with them. I had just decided that I liked my art better because it allowed my introvert side to relax but, guess what?, my music picked up and won't let me quit. At the same time , my art is taking off. I know very little about advertising and would rather sit out in my studio and create but now I'm hauling PA equipment and my on stage performance is improving a lot and I'm beginning to mix my originals in with good results. I'm still depending on cover tunes ( Folk, Folk Rock, Soft Rock,Celtic, a little Country and originals) My biggest wall to hurdle is advertising.
I guess I'm finally doing what I always thought I wanted to do but I understand why people use managers and advertising people. Wish I could afford them.

I'm exactly where I want to be.

Derek, your subject is very interesting. When I think of my goals I always have obligations that come to mind and I usually opt for my status quo as opposed to perusing something. As a pro musician and performer of songs success usually involves traveling away from my loved ones. So I opt for the comfort of my beautiful mountain resort town and the mild success of being a local draw card with my music. Some might say I am settling but I say that I can be happy doing this. It has gotten so involved with all the stuff you have to do to promote independent music that one really has no time for the MUSIC. I do feel that is a record label's job. Not mine. And that includes CDBaby. Which does bring to mind that it has been a long time since my last $26 check for all those downloads. Sorry. A little venting there and I know you no longer are involved there. It really doesn't take too much for me to be happy because I just know there is only so much success a 69 year old singer can handle. Don't need to be Garth Brooks. Too much work breaking guitars and climbing around scaffolds. Skiing can be a lot of fun.

I've allowed my energy to be improperly allocated, time and time again, and that was mostly because I was playing the dangerous game of trying to keep everyone happy. I know it didn't make sense, even while I was in the process of attempting the impossible, but I felt forced to persist due to the fact that, as you mentioned, "Social norms are really powerful." Growing up in an Indian household, it is quite difficult to break free from the social pressures imposed upon an individual, especially the fear of rejection by "society" for not being like everyone else, or dressing like them, or thinking like them... More recently, thankfully enough, I think I've finally managed to get my head around this, and so, after much frustration, the path forward is appearing more clear, and therefore, is much more possible to achieve because
I am allowing for it to be so. Thank you Derek, for another great read, and for reminding us that "purpose" be it of existence or just the effort of the moment, is a matter of conscious choice!

But whatever you choose, brace yourself, because people are always going to tell you you’re wrong.


So, so true. What is up with that? I might have 'not me' syndrome here as I'm trying to recall situations in which I looked down on someone or tried to convince them to NOT go in a direction etc. because it is pervasive.

Great insight.. before the great trip, before the first step, even before the planning, you really need to be honest with yourself to actually know you need a great trip.. :)

Love it.
I've literally spent the last 10 days meditating an hour a day on "what I want". Fascinating to see what has come up for me. Ego certainly dominated my sessions for the first few days, but then layers of expectations (from myself and others) started to lift and a deeper understanding of what's truly important began to be revealed.
Finding and refining what I want and therefore what I do is an ever deepening practice.
Thank you Derek for adding another point of reflection.

In my case it took me a whole lot of my life to realize what I really wanted, and I have now reached the age I think I can achieve it. The secret is patience... while doing what you love and giving it time to fully blossom at God's pace and timing. Impatience is so prevalent when you are young trying to be successful and expecting it to come quick and easy with just hard work. I have always worked hard in my life and thought what I wanted,(if I worked hard enough,) would come to me in pretty short order or in just a few years. Many ups and downs were experienced with both trouble and fun along the way, but once I got my head on straight and developed a meaningful relationship with the father, things began to happen that only he could and would provide. With some people it takes longer than others. In my case, I was always gaining but in some situations I couldn't see the forest for the trees. Learning from experiences and gaining street smarts so to speak, has brought me to a point,(even at my age of 77) where I'm at piece with myself and my dreams and desires, enjoying what I have accomplished to this point, and with the help of God, know I'm reaching the success in life he wants and I have dreamed of for many many years. New opportunities have come around that are developing and I feel will take me far in the long awaited dream. I'm very appreciative of the health I still enjoy so I can enjoy and accomplish even many more things bringing my career to a totally satisfying height of satisfaction I'm daily looking forward to. Being in the entertainment field, no other business requires, (to me) as much patience with things sometimes seeming to take for ever, that are now developing at a much faster pace, with God now totally behind my efforts and helping to guide me by keeping me straight in the road of life and achievement. Decisions are more clear and meaningful now, as I continue to enjoying what I do and seeing how it will all turn out. The life of a professional entertainer and musician can be daunting at times, but with Gods help, it can be very rewarding too. One of the things I get inspiration from, is helping friends and experiencing the appreciation shown to me from people and fans a like. I have performed in so many different places around the world and in the United States, all being a great learning experience and now helping me a lot with the education I have received in doing so, and the appreciation for my efforts that God has shown and is constantly giving me. Thank you for asking. D.B.

Absolutely true yet hardly dream! Everyone pursues dream life! How to balance the reality and unreality in life? I need make money to pay bills monthly yet still seeking quality life style. After finishing work everyday, my body gets exhausted, my mind is full, and my soul is fatigue although I like what I am doing. I

I think you should change that little word "want" with the word "love" and see where it gets you.

Ask someone; “what do you want?” and they’ll answer something like; “more money, a bigger house, to be a rock-star, and to live on the beach.”
None of these things has great lasting effects on the quality of life. Also, if we think about it; in the end, we want it all, don’t we?

Ask someone; “what do you love” and they’ll answer; “spending time with their friends and family, doing their favorite activities, and supporting their most valued causes.”—they’ll answer with the things that are actually important to their quality of life, the things they love.

I'd say screw what you want. It's what you love that matters anyway.
Anyway, that's just my take on it.

This is great ! Especially for me and now being a new father and figuring out where to optimize. The why is important in identifying the right question so you can pick the most valuable road for the decision you choose. More importantly, accepting what you want instead of rationalizing or justifying it is a super valid point as well!

...how authentic are you being if you think you got stuck for reeeeeeeally long times in that place between true-you and do-what-you-have-to-to-stay-sheltered-and-fed-for-reasons-you-believed-you-couldn't-control. in my case, truth is probably closer to "...for reasons you failed-to/didn't control." did i work hard? yes. but not smart? yes. have had countless opportunities...

that picture. somebody else pulling the boat and i'm pissed to be always just temporarily along on somebody else's ride ...for less pay than i can live on. cat: no life jacket.

a conversation topic people in modern america don't seem to be interested in is, what's better: dedication to the tribe or to independence and self-expression?

thanks for often enriching my day, derek.

Why? Yes, I became obsessed with this for a long time. Why am I an artist? Why do I do this and that etc.? It is actually a truly terrifying thing to really ask yourself, and I wondered if I was having some sort of midlife crisis. If you are really honest with yourself it can rock the very foundations of your life. Looking back, it was something that really needed to be done, and was part of a deeper exploration of what I was discovering and learning through Zen.
Also, I don't wish to be rude but a lot of these comments seem to be about "measure" and accountability. That wasn't my understanding of your article. 'Why' is your core motivation, your deeper understanding and ultimately your life's purpose. It is not a 'do' thing, but a 'be' thing. It is very important, and I think your article was very insightful and eloquent. Warmest regards, Charlie North.

"You come to me with the how, but not the why."
- The Matrix

...and if giving is important to me and I FEEL most giving when I'm on stage as opposed to working for a charity (when others may perceive acting as less giving and the charity more giving) then I need to do what feels most charitable if charitable is important to me no matter what.
Thanks for this email today.
:)

It seems to me that determining why we are doing what we are doing is something we do retrospectively by figuring out why we were stuck in a specific job or situation. However, I think that too much introspection can be as dangerous as too little. Maybe a good approach is to experiment with "minimum viable experiences" to see if we enjoy them as much as we think. Following Derek's example, if you feel like quitting your job to put mosquito nets in Africa, why not go to Africa for a couple weeks as a volunteer to determine if you really want to do that day in and day out (maybe you like the executive life but you simply need to adjust it a bit or take it more easy).

As long as I still have an answer to "So what?", I know my why isn't strong enough. Thanks Miles ;)

Great article. I think the insight that one can really only optimize for one thing at a time is underappreciated. "If you chase two rabbits, you won't catch either" is one of my favorite Mungerisms.

It's still easier said than done, though. Many of us really have no idea what we're optimizing for.

Often we'll start with a concrete goal that genuinely stems from us. "Write software that a lot of people use" or "start a band."

Quickly, it gets mixed up with something externally imposed. "Make lots of money" is understandably out of fashion, but sometimes manifests as "freedom" or "be an entrepreneur" for its own sake. Adding nebulous "social impact" to an existing goal also seems popular these days.

These additional goals don't really stem from our original wants, and lead to a kind of paralysis. There are many paths to being a successful programmer, but no clear start to being a programmer that gets to travel a lot and makes the world a better place. So then, you do nothing...

Love the money/fame/freedom thing. If you happen to want the three, you're in trouble, but that's OK. Being aligned with one's feelings is key, otherwise everything is just a lame-a$$ compromise. A mediocre life, mostly. Others? They don't matter when it comes to your life decisions/choices. Like frenchies say: "les conseilleurs ne sont pas les payeurs". It has multiple layers of meaning. Quite a bold and deep statement.
I'm direct there, but I'm fine with it. ☺
I cannot add anything to what you wrote, because I think and do the same way. I just care about not contradicting/dispersing myself. The "want it-do it" pattern is nice on paper, but it can't cut it real life.
If it can, I'll be curious to know how!
Connect the dots first, decide second. My way of doing things, or not doing them.

im 24 years old, i work . but i dont know wt really i want yet -
actually i know but the way i like is sitting at home and reading and reading and writing - but with this way i get depressed at home and no money ill have
im doubted about my major studied at uni - im doubted about everything- i dont know wt to do - :(((

Sage words, as usual. Love the picture. Did the cat go overboard? Or are we talking Photoshop?

I think a lot of this is knowing which voices that go round in your mind are actually yours, rather than belonging to your parents, your teachers, your friends, your boss, your parish priest, whoever. Once you can identify the voices that are continually trying to steer you off track, half the battle is won.

I'm allowing myself a second comment because I realized that virtually every comment I've read on this post pertains to measuring success, which is interesting because I thought the article was about why you do what you do. Not necessarily the same thing at all.

hi derek.
i read articles, talked with collegues, family and these people who is doing their job. Everyone mostly say to me that do not quit your job until found an connections for freelance jobs. i got a website www.sahnen.com and people want to work with me and wannto see me in my non-office but i couldnt pay attention to my potencial customers.Because. i working 9-19 include saturday until noon.it took all my energy and time. And worst thing is that icant earn anything.despite of living my family İ cant save money. living is expensive and salary is terrible.What should i do Derek?

Hi Derek,

Thank you for such an amazing article. It is always a great reminder to press the mental pause button and re-evaluate why we do what we do. It resonates with a quote I read recently 'If you don't make your life about what you say yes to, you will inevitably make your life about what you intended to say no to'.

Looking forward to the next one.

Warm wishes,
Lori

What are your thoughts on using social media platforms as a tool to build your brand for your greater "why." Example. Maybe you're not crazy about certain social media platforms but you choose to learn them so you can try to better reach your demographic/online community (Since this is where many of us "hang" out now). In turn you're able to position yourself to better get to your goal - empower people, help them grow, learn etc. Thanks Derek!!

As always your words are awesome and hit a chord within which I have been pondering for a while now.

Thanks

Very true - decide on a focal point and focus on that.

It's remarkable how hard it is to get 'clear' on what you want. For years I had a soup bowl full of ideas such as 'financial freedom, choice of setting my own schedule, charity etc.' and split my finite time and energy trying to equally pursue them all - and of course failing. Instead I looked at the number one goal in my mind that would then enable the rest and am now trying to pursue this. There is a really good exercise I came across where you segment your Life Goals into: Body, Brain, People, Spiritual, Time and Money - no more then 3 in each and you can generally find which ones are compatible with the rest and what needs to be sacrificed in order to better succeed at others. Great article Derek, beautifully put as always.

Why am I doing what I am doing, Why am I here where I am,,,so I Always think about 'FOR WHAT?' especially when I became to be like hard worker. You know, some Japanese people is such a hard worker so sometimes, I don't know what I do want to do insted of what I'm doing now. That's why I need time to think about 'For What?' such as ' Why am I doing' you mentioned.

Thanks Derek,
Jan
best regards

Brilliant yet again Derek.
I love how much you emphasize honesty in someone, even if what matters to them doesn't align for you; you value Truth above all else, which is so refreshing.

It's always been a tear for me because I have fantasized about entrepreneurial pursuits, and greatly desire the financial/time freedom that tends to come with being a business-owner and "delegating the work to others," while also consistently getting the most goosebumps from fantasizing myself on stage in front of millions of people and being the greatest entertainer of all time.

Perhaps there's a place these two dreams/pursuits meet? (Obviously myself being the intersection, but input is certainly appreciated)

There are oh-so-many issues/points in this lovely post that can be spun off into treatises on their own! One that resonates deeply is how someone will always say you're "wrong". Another is the distinction between "helping many" and "deeply influencing fewer".

A lesson life has taught me is that the measurement isn't always easy, possible, or even accurate. So there's an element of "taking a chance" involved - except it better be YOUR chance you're taking :)

(I'd write more, but my new book launches tomorrow - so busy with that just now. Wish me luck!)

Hi Derek,

I certainly fell into the trap of going with the flow, until two years ago I stumbled on a blog which totally resonated with me (Mr Money Moustache),
it put a structure around what I realised I was naturally doing anyway and gave me that raison d'etre.
From there I found Tim Ferriss which in turn is why I'm here today on your website!

Understanding why you work, and having a basis from which you can make decisions in your life is a fantastic feeling once you have it.

How to find it? I think you have to remain open to new ideas, to keep searching, and stay true to your values.

This links in with saying YES whilst you're still looking, and saying NO once you have your focus.

Thanks for the great article,
Ben

right you are Derek - thx for the post!

Agreed. Thank you, Derek. Another inspirational post to brighten my week!

My thoughts are - that you are bloody marvellous. Thank you.

I luv this D!!!!! Sooo true..do it now 100000% cus the nxt life (i strongly believe we continue exactly where we left off this life in nxt!) U will be much closer to achieving u souls purpose

I wonder if it's possible that my why is sharing. If something has helped me I am compelled to share it with others, or is that not enough?
That is enough. ☺ — Derek

I like this idea of optimising yourself for the kind of life you want. I see this in people I know living their lives around endurance sports, for example, I see now it has wider application. The theme reminds me of a comment made on a marketing course I did, 'Know what you are for, and know what you are against and make all your marketing communication about that'

Like most important things this question comes at precisly the right time. Why? Because i have no answer. Am I the architect of my life or am I a passenger on this planet with far more powerful yet seemingly invisible captain?

Am i my goigke and amazon search results? Can i trick them into thinking that im a different me? Am i the hunter or the hunted in this mischivous electronic game?

I guess i am what im thinking about right now. Things like the power of prayer and is google actually a horrible thing.

Thanks Derek, I always enjo your thoughts.

I have always believed it is important to do what you do for the right reasons. That suggests a moral imperative will guide my actions. The closer I stay to that principle, the better I feel about myself and the healthier I feel overall. Thanks for this analysis Derek - spot on, as usual.

A-B-S-O-L-U-T-E-L-Y! Thanks for this stark reminder Derek. Always so succinct you are. Love it ;)

Well said. Personally, by focusing on the end-game, I have changed much of my life and habits throughout the years. Some led to more freedom, some made me less free. But I can't help but think that the overall desire to be totally free is universal.

Wow I am surprised by all of these positive comments!

I love Derek's articles, but i think this article is non sense.

I am sure when Derek started CDbaby, he did not know what he wanted. He just wanted to help his friends.

Problem of deciding what you want now is:

-you do not know what is possible to achieve
-you do not know what you do not know

The only sound advice I think is just to love your life,
and explore doing things,
and when eureka moment comes,
adjust your goals to your particular circumstance.

And people do not care what you want.
Really.

So be careful what you wish for...

Your article resonates with the professional and creative challenges I have been handling for the past three years.
When a long and very lucrative professional music career began to sputter, I fell into and developed a career in business (real estate) to pay the bills. I discovered that I am also very good at this new career, and have been working to maximize my income out of this job (delegating tasks, streamlining systems management) while minimizing the time spent on it, so that I can dedicate my time and financial resources to studying new music programs (to produce the EDM sounds in my head - I am traditionally write songs on guitar).
What I've learned is that through failure, which inevitably provokes unexpected changes, you can reaffirm what is really important to you. And when what you do resonates and impacts others in positive ways, whether you love the work or not, that also has value.
Some of us don't do what we love because we don't know what that is!
For those of us who do, it's vitally important to follow that path.
There are ways to do what you must and do what you love. Hopefully what you must do is what you love to do.

Timely and rich article. Thank you for re-running it.

Hey Derek,

Great post as ever, short and to the point. It's taken me a while to realise this but I'm finally there.

I decided to leave my job and office at a very famous film studio last month to pursue my passion for songwriting. Because that;'s what I am - I'm a songwriter.

It feels strange but it's right. Our perception of societies influence over us really can lead us to do some crazy things with our lives.

I read somewhere ages ago (quite possibly something you said) that you need to pay attention to what it is you do in the moments when you're not really concentrating, i.e. what is your subconscious brain thinking of or doing? Mine's always singing and writing lyrics... ergo Im a songwriter!

Good luck to everyone else on their journey to discover their true selves.

Best,

Rob Finlay (Singer Songwriter!)

Completely agree on that I should admit what I want to optimise my life for.

However, there is something even more difficult for me. The hard step is to be consistent with that decision. We are living in a hyper-Information world where everyday we have thousands of new inputs which sparks quite a few new interests.

I always try so suffocate many of this new impulses, however how do I know that I am being consistent and not doing a mental trick to myself which convinces me that I am doing the right things ? ☺

Great post Derek. Love it! Sometimes people get distracted and don't know why they do what they do.

This is an interesting corollary to your piece about doing what you're good at rather than your to-be-determined "passion." Focusing on the thing you (think you) want will put energy in that direction and like even a faint breeze behind a boat will nudge it in that direction. (So be careful what you put energy into!).
I notice many of your commenters seem to be musicians and artists - "creative" people. I think if you can afford to pursue your creativity and still pay the bills, you're 7/8 way there! For the rest of us, it's a matter of finding the creativity in whatever we are doing; there's always *some* tiny creative part in everything - even if it's being creative in your attitude or your dealings with people.
It starts by believing that we are all creative. We create our world the moment we get up every day.
Thank you again, Derek, for your cogent, unfluffy reminders that help us navigate our heads.

I am at that stage where I am trying to do everything. Truly ALWAYS totally conflicted. One thing that I at be doing right is that I prioritize my obligations to my three daughters above my own needs. They are moving along in life, and that is becoming less as the girls become more independent. In order to do that - to take care of their needs, I did 23 years in the Army Reserve and built a civilian career as an accountant. I was going for security. But the decades of breaking rocks in the financial penitentiary have left me a slave to my possessions as I did what most folks do - a mortgage, new cars', etc.

Over the years I have managed to write and record over 30 songs along with the thousand or so songs I threw away. I still sit and play and/or sing for hours some days - my songs, Dylan songs, Keith songs, it doesn't matter - just to play. And of course there is always still someone - a wife now, my mother when I was younger, telling me to turn it down or take out the trash. Telling them to fuck off still gets them out of the room, but the moment is gone and the cold grey walls of my prison if my own making close in once again.

Walking away would mean scorched earth and total financial devastation at this point. So the fear of the known reins in the desire to just write and play and sing all day and night. Fame would be nice, but to me recognition is paramount. They are different. Getting the message heard has always been a puzzle. To me I guess that would be where I would start...

"But whatever you choose, brace yourself, because people will always tell you that you're wrong."
Good advice, Derek. I've heard that more than half of my life.

good post. I think the part that hits me is recognizing that once we know what our supreme desires are then, realizing that everything else is secondary. Right now my wife is frustrated because her supreme goals beyond raising excellent children and having a close relationship are to be connected to cultures all around the world. And being independently wealthy. Me, when I was a kid I always wanted to be an inventor. now that I'm older, it's still the same thing. But now in addition to wanting to invent actual mechanical things I'm really excited about systems. specifically systems for people, whether it's our welfare system, not-for-profit system, or anything that directly affects how people interact and take care of one another. I think we both need a certain level of wealth in order to pursue our goals wholeheartedly.
Keep up the good work.

HI Derek,
for years I have been reading your articles and I always find them inspirational.
I wonder where you are living now. you have traveled so many places and done so many
interesting things. I doubt you will be on your death bed with regrets.
In my small way I do my best to always be environmentally conscientious.
Kindness love unconditionally, caring for animals, kindness of heart.
thank you for all your articles.

Thanks, this is awesome. Ive been in a tunnel and I couldn't separate things out like you did here. I can't believe how immediate the change in my thinking is from this!!?

This was very insightful. It leads to making "you" realize that you should pursue what you want without sacrificing the rest of your life.

I go with this. I changed though as I aged. My early life was all about the music. Then I got into computers and money, then the family, now I'm back with music. I can say I've done what I wanted and I've got what I wanted, but it wasn't always the one thing.
You might find that the core was the same. Like I've always been pursuing “learning for the sake of creating for the sake of learning for the sake of creating.” Whether that was music, or programming, or entrepreneuring, or writing, it's all been the same pursuit. — Derek

I really enjoyed this article. I think it gets to the core issue that many people have namely that they have just accepted the social plan of their town, family, church, etc and have never thought about what is most important to them personally.

Balance
I constantly remind myself of my inner need for balance of mind, body and soul. Thank you for this writing Derek. As always you touch upon thought provoking topics. You inspire. I thank you.
Be well my friend

You inspire me Derek. I find myself in solitude much of the time because I tire of ones that say `you should` My duo -The Chicken Wing Sisters- recently played at a care center. I saw Vi, hand her guitar to a woman that used to play. She corded & strummed pretty good, kinda broke my heart. People say to me `you still play in a band ? `~ Still~ is because I`ve been at it for awhile now. I reply yes with a smile. It`s what I do. It`s my choice to be a tad tired come Sun due to the hours I keep :)

Great right on! But my problem is I am struggling to find exactly it is that I want or what I am meant to do. Freedom, being outdoors, traveling, making money while doing that, but most of all being with people, laughing, talking and feeling a real sense of camaraderie with a common goal. I know what I want the end result to be, but I am at a loss as to how to achieve it...

Great, thoughtful stuff, as I expected it would be.
Sounds a lot like "Know thyself". We've heard it, but do we understand it, and DO it.
I think it is Drucker who said something to the effect of "being really efficient at something you shouldn't be doing in the first place is a huge waste".
Having studied spiritual things for decades, I have come to the belief that everything is perfect, and we are here to play the roles we decided in advance we'd like to play, and experience. Want to be a warrior and save the world? Then you need someone to fight and a problem to solve don't you?!
I remember a story from long ago, that maybe that homeless person begging on the street is an angel, there for you to experience who you choose to be in your experience with that. Do you avoid them? do you interact with them? Up to you.
In the same way, sitting quietly on your front porch, watching the world go by and "accomplishing" nothing is just as "valuable" in "God's" eyes as the titan of industry who is making massive changes to the world. (Many times I think a little less changes would have been much better for the health of the planet.)
In any case, knowing yourself is the KEY item to happiness, and I am very glad you have sent out your post.
(Interestingly, happiness may come from giving happiness to others, so a great question may be, how do you want to give happiness to others? We all have our own way, all equally good and important. For you, I see it is sharing wisdom, peace and abundance! Thank you.

So,so true - find it and stay the course

Nice article, Derek. I particularly like the fact that people are going to say I'm wrong regardless of what I think it's important. And to just keep going but being true to oneself.

Hey Derek,

Spot-on again, as usual! I've been trying to be true to myself all my life. Don't know if I've always succeeded? But I can say that I always tried! Thanks again.

Cheers!
Al

All of my recent decisions have been based on the long term happiness of myself and my family. Doing what I love can be accomplished anywhere in the world, and living simply in a community that resonates with us is most important. I have had many a conflict with the word "hustle" that so easily gets thrown around, that I think most miss the point. In my recent journey, I have met so many people that do work that they love, spend countless hours with friends and family, and go to sleep with an ear-to-ear grin. For me, I am beginning to "let go" of what I think needs to be, and I am focusing more on what I want.

This article embodies all of those recent feelings, and I thank you for spreading messages like this!

I agree with your message. I started playing music in 1970. Next month I will be 66, and I am still playing music. In addition to playing gigs, I host a concert series promoting original music. I love to play music, be around other musicians, and be around people who appreciate music. I have given up other things to be in this place, but my soul tells me every day this is what I should be doing.

Spot on as always, Derek. This really hits home with me as I work on building towards some big life transitions in work, pursuing what really means a lot to me. Thanks for the reminder to go for what you want and not what others want of you.

"... This above all: to thine own self be true. For it shall follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man...." - Wm. Shakespeare

I reckon Will wasn't going for timeless literary wisdom and immortality; he was just trying to pen a good play and avoid bankruptcy at the Globe Theater.
Point: we do what we love, and we don't control the ultimate outcomes. If you're a songwriter, write something worth the hearing in any time and place.

Derek, your words have shut out all the "white noise" that can sometimes scramble my thoughts. Sharing this article is like a friendly pat on the shoulder and being asked to hike to the top of a hill. You know pursing your WHY will be hard work on the way up, you will feel every muscle work and break a sweat. Yet when you reach the top you can lay in the grass, breath in the fresh air, feel the sun on your skin and be at one with the earth, grounded, strong and with purpose, alive, energised and with a WHY!!
When you meet your WHY you are free to run, dance, sing, imagine and share the journey, share the tale.
Thanks Derek, thank you for sharing.

awesome post! I live by this code, still in transition because I'm still working 50-60 hours a week, which leaves not a lot of time for my passion, so i have to optimize that time. I would add for US older engines, you need to stay as healthy as possible to build up stamina, and adequate sleep is like the fountain of youth. but all passions will need a budget of some sort, so I agree that work allows self funding. But you have to work when your tired, period.

I just want to provide for my family with my creativity, and I don't mean rich, just be able to provide, put my kids through school, help my kids buy a house, or start a buisness, travel with my wife. thats it.

Last July I took a fall and nearly died. Many units of blood later ... along with weeks spent hospitalized ... I'm slowly healing. Up until this time I thought myself a pretty self aware person. Since the accident, I've learned a lot about myself and my reasons for living.

I was raised by an abusive Mom. I spent my life taking classes ... learning and doing everything I could to make a better version of myself ... along with years of therapy so I could grow beyond my past. For the most part, I thought I had.

As free as I've always believed I've been ... there's still a 3 year old version of myself residing within ready and willing to do anything to gain acceptance or love from a Mom who's been dead since 1994.

It's shocking to realize how many of my accomplishments and were geared toward making her proud. Which is strange as she never really valued any of my artistic ventures when she was alive. She refused to pay for my advanced education ... "It's a waste of money ... you'll only get married ... have kids and never use it." She also turned down EVERY scholarship I was offered ... along with opportunities to travel, study and work abroad.

So I paid my way through school, countless classes and a never ending stream of training programs.

Now at the over ripe age of 61 ... why I am has less to do with what I do ... than how I do it. I want to live ... be healthy ... regain my ability to walk unassisted ... and feel loved. Now - for the most part - I do for me ... both terrifying and freeing. So when I do for others I do so NOT out of compulsion ... but because it enhances who I am.

Thanks Derek,

Would you accept the title as "my brain surgeon".

Good one :)

Derek,
Just wanted to thank you for the reminder about what matters.

You won't remember me, but I was one of the first 100 or so folks to start using CDBaby when you were operating from your garage... Good Times! Thanks to you, I have made a very comfortable living as a blue collar working performing songwriter.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I re-posted your article on my Facebook page. Blatant piracy!! Thanks man, see you on the road

micheal
Of course I remember you! Good to hear from you. And anything I put on my site is free for the taking. Please, anyone, always feel free to re-post or share any way you want. — Derek

Thank You so - so Much, I will say from the bottom of my heart
this is the best advice I have come across in 2016.
How many more shinning object should I go after if I can't
choose? Everything, where will that lead me to? NOWHERE
What will happen to me if I don't get to SOMEWHERE.
EVERYTHING Minus SOMEWHERE Equals NOWHERE.
At least I now know that NOWHERE is also a choice.

I am 41 and finally about to pull the trigger of my "dream" to own a business. It is my dream only because it is the only path I know that will allow me to have creative input, build a brand and offer me the ability to back away once I have found people who can run day to day operations better than I.
This article was on point. It took me a long time to know what I really want. I also had to overcome the "shame" of not wanting to grind out a life in in a business. I want to establish it, find people to run it, pop in with ideas and assistance and start again with another interest.
Looking forward to it.
Thanks,
E

Derek,

I love this article! I am still struggling with this - finding my way and this quote touched my heart...

"The most important thing in life is to know why you are doing what you’re doing."

I think its so important to set sights on one vision and delegate our goals towards that purpose. The best way to do that is to ask 'why' we are doing something, not 'what' we need to be doing.

I find the hardest thing in life is to make that decision. To stop second-guessing myself, commit to ONE goal and pursue it 110%. Its time for me to dig deeper into my why and commit to pursue what I'm meant to do.

Thanks for the reminder.

I have 2 thoughts on this ... Many of us have children and this can often dictate the path we follow.
Many people would feel they are letting down people that are important to them by taking " a selfish path "
I have children and this does make it more difficult but by no means impossible.
I've taken " the selfish path" ( as some described it ) ... Against my families wishes and in the long run they all just love to see me happy.
I've certainly not got it all right but I can live with very few regrets
Thankyou Derek

Explain how someone optimizes their career for money and how people will take less money for more fame? I read a lot of these posts and nowhere in your article did I see anything about rating yourself as to the progress of a goal. My take on the post was to think about before hand why you are doing what you are doing and then focus on your energy towards that outcome. I compose and record music to amuse myself. Its just playing the way children play. Once the song is complete, then comes the presentation either you say to someone," Ya wanna hear this song I wrote?" Maybe they say, it sounds pretty good, it could be on the radio, if you posted it, maybe somebody pushes the "like" button or if you are playing it live maybe they applaud or they comment that it was pretty good. And, that's it. Its the doing that is important. Peoples reaction are secondary cause they can say its great or it sucks and either one shouldn't influence you.

I use to think I was playing music to "make it" whatever that even means. After 5 released albums and 4 years of playing 100-165 shows a year I realized I play music because it's the best job I could dream of. I treat each show like a job, show up early, don't drink alcohol when I'm performing, play well and act professional. I realize that I can make a decent living, stay in town and sleep in my own bed and be with my wife and kids daily. I play music because I love the experience, performing, and giving listeners a quality experience. I also enjoy the supplemental income. Going on tour and pursuing a career as a viable/signed artist would ruin everything! What a relief, I have decades left at this job!

Good one. i am not understanding how that funny/cute pic is related to this article.
Me neither. I couldn’t figure out what else to use, and this one made me laugh. ☺ — Derek

Good point, Derek! Thank you for the reminder. I believe this is a continuous challenge ahead of us: to remain true to our most profound life-goals.

The simple things like paying bills, eating, having shelter dictate what you do. I wish I could be making music all day long, but my music requires investment in to synths and equipment, for that- I have to work. The music never paid even one my bill. I never was able to buy even a sandwich with money made by music. I do music for the sake of music. Some bad music gets out there and makes money, while some good music remains undiscovered. To do all the self promotions, you need time, if you have full time day job, there is no time for self promotion, therefor, you don't get to be heard. Record companies don't want to discover good artists, or there too many good artists. Excepting the fact that being good does not guaranty a sandwich is a wisdom. So I do what ever pays my bills. Music or not (mostly not).

Sweet and to the point !

This is a very good inspiring article. I do what I am doing to be successful. God Bless.

Hey Derek, I have been a musician since my mom set the course by getting me accordion lessons at the age of eight years old. I then took trumpet, then guitar in high school, and marched and concerted, and loved it. Then to Univ. and more marching, concerts, jazz band, and loved it. In '66, I joined the "B∞gie Children" in Memphis and loved it. Realizing in my 4th year of a music ed. degree, I just wanted to play "Rock and Roll", so I dropped out, turned on and... loved it. I had a gas jockey's $1.25 an hour job, just enough to eat, and maybe sleep. Still loved it. For a while in the '80s, NYC was jumping hot. I played with some of my heroes, lived in a sixth floor walk up, drove a cab, and yup... loved it. Got married, divorced. Put a band together, sold a few CDs, thankful to you and CD Baby, and loved it. Now, I do solo performances at senior homes, and get paid too! So, at almost 69 years old, I am what I always wanted to be: a professional musician. And "I love it"

"But whatever you choose, brace yourself, because people are always going to tell you you’re wrong."

So true, in dastardly nature.

Knowing the 'why' of any given effort is so important in communicating purpose, and in staying on track.

When seeking advice, people often misunderstand my intentions. Knowing my purpose or goal helps keep the dialog on track, or if it is apparent that the other party is not coming back on track, I can steer clear.

Thank you for the reminder, Derek. Timely.

Needed to read it today.
Moved to a new country and feeling a bit unbalanced - so many new people with their opinions how and what I should be doing...
Needed this post and a few days to go inside and remind myself what I want to b doing and how.

Thank you Derek!
Wish you a beautiful day!

I needed to hear this. I feel like I'm being pulled in many directions by myself. Thank you Derek. Now I'll go meditate on what I truly want in this stage of my life. :)

My question is why am I NOT doing? Frankly, I'm doing little of what I know I would like to be doing. I'm a pianist, and I don't play and practice enough. I guess laziness is the problem.
In theory, my measure would be if I'm practicing and hopefully practicing efficiently, that should be enough. But it isn't really. There need to be milestones, recordings probably, which I have, but adding more is maybe essential. Such a western goal based analysis, and maybe limiting.

Great piece Derek. Clear and easy to understand, and above all, extremely important and true.

Hi Derek! Great article as usual. My food for thought starting today...b

yeah,that's what i thought just now as
i got out of the pool, overcome with a
wave of sunset ennui: why?

come on, who are the skint famous people?

Thanx, Derek. I was raised to measure worth by counting: dollars, promotions, projects. Today, counting is secondary. My "why" is to empower others to find peace and joy. The songs given me help people find God within. When they sing, they find joy and peace; they become vulnerable to the Divine. However their feedback comes, it is sincere and I know I have used God's gift as He intended. How do I eat? He seems to provide that part without me struggling or counting.

In truth, you, Derek, have taught me much. I am in your debt.

But then I wonder if we really need to pursue more things or goals in life, instead of paying attention and appreciating what we already have. Life brings us many "presents" that we didn't actually "work hard" to get or even deserve. We often heard of people who got everything they worked hard to get and still they are (if not even more) unhappy and unsatisfied. Sometimes getting what we want is a curse as we're unable to foresee the consequences of having/being that. I'm not saying that we should cross our arms and do nothing, but we should enjoy the ride that life is offering to us, joyfully work around each challenge and appreciating the present of every moment. The dictionary's definition of misery is "a state or feeling of great distress or discomfort of mind or body"; so anybody, no matter how much rich, famous or knowledgeable can be miserable.

You have a gift for explanation! The last line is the greatest takeaway: "So when those decision moments come, you can choose the value that you already know matters most to you." Knowing what is most important allows me to make the right decisions and not just to be driven by the wind to and fro. But you always have a way of saying it better! Thanks, Derek.

Hi Derek,

I’ve been following you a long time and finally I’m responding to this latest post. Thanks, btw, for all the cool thought provoking concepts that you’ve shared with all of us.

I will start by saying I do know why I do what I do. I’m a career musician, guitarist/arranger/composer and I truly love what I do and am excited to get up every day and pursue my ongoing dreams. I’ve been lucky enough to have made my living in music for my entire adult life. That’s due to a combination of things obviously, talent, drive, passion, ya know- "I’m good enough and I’m smart enough and doggone it, people like me!” But is making my living enough? Not exactly. I want to make more money and see residuals coming in from my music being used more in film and TV. I want to make enough money for my wife to retire, if and when she wants, and have no worries about getting by.

I’m working on these goals through some tough challenges that came our way this past NYE. Our son, home on leave from the Navy, went out with friends to bring in the New Year and thought he would be sleeping it off in the back of a camper van but the owner of the van had other plans and drove off with my son asleep in the back and ended up plowing into a giant redwood. So we are now caregivers to our high-functioning quadriplegic boy. Fortunately he is covered by the Navy and the VA and we are steadily finding our way and and all of us are still moving forward personally and professionally, although time is in very short supply these days.

So I’m doing what I can when I can, but maybe you have some fresh ideas for me. I’ve had a general philosophy about where and how I live and that is rather than chasing dreams all over and being unhappy with my environment, I’ll live in a single place that I love and eventually what I’m after will find me.

About 5 years ago I went solo as an acoustic guitarist doing looping. It just kind of happened and it’s been challenging and exciting and lucrative on a local musician kind of level…never going to get rich, but it’s definitely paying the bills. I live in Monterey, CA and it is a destination for weddings, and for all kinds of giant corporations to wine and dine their top brass as well, so along with playing regular gigs at resorts, hotels and wineries I fill the calendar with 20 plus dates a month. I also have a home studio and through a connection, I had 5 placements of my music on the TV show The Mentalist. Once the show was cancelled though, my friend hasn’t had another show where he could ask me for pieces…My latest focus is on growing my exposure. My thought is greater exposure will up demand and opportunities. To that end I’ve been producing high quality videos of tunes from my live repertoire (I played a gig at the same venue as PMJB and was encouraged by one of its members to do this), and I’ve hired an excellent local videographer and also a social media publicist.

Well there it is, the why and the what. Thanks for listening.

This is a great question. We need both. There is a reason that our cars have a gas AND a brake pedal. And it is certainly essential to know exactly where you are heading. Sometimes you may need to stop and consult your map, unless you are ok as a "wondering generality". "Only dead fish go with the flow".
Ask why, become clear and concise. "You cant' diffuse your energy.." Your focused energy is necessary to get through the Resistance that is certain to surround your greatest aspirations. Thanks for the reminder Derek!

Thanks, Derek for putting your thoughts on "paper". Very clear message on finding the one thing to concentrate on, which brings the most contribution to knowing the answer to the why question. What I'd add is that usually, for many of us we have a lot of wishes and values we cherish. Unfortunately, however these believes and values are just a jumble in our head, without much structure, without much ranking. This in turn creates conflicts, such as if one has security as highly ranked and living freely also highly ranked. Naturally, having both creates conflicts, such as the wish to feel safe and the wish to travel freely, i.e. backpacking in the world which sometimes can be not completely safe (depending on the location). What helped me tremendously in clearing up my system of values, believes and then building up goals to pursue, thereby creating almost constant happiness or at least the feeling of being at ease with myself and my surroundings. The book that influenced me a lot is that of Tony Robbins, "Awaken the Giant Within".

I was wondering if there is some book read by you, Derek or others that is comparable to that book in giving you a clearer sight, a compass that can guide you? Well, I'd mention your relevant book, called Anything you want, which was brilliant. I liked your story, living life under your terms, always. It's an empowering story, I feel greatly inspired afterwards. Thanks also for that, Derek!

A couple of years ago I was trying to perfectly optimize everything in my life. Perfect pimp pad, six pack abs, perfect healthy diet, awesome sex life, being really good at my job, keeping up with current news and reading all the latest books. That meant spending hours cooking very healthy meals, working out, cleaning my house...

Now it's more like: "I am a programmer. That's it" My house is dirtier. I buy pre made food that's still on the healthy side. I only do a brisk workout 4 times a week and I don't have shredded abs anymore. :( lol.

But I'm having more fun now. I create and learn everyday. I participate in hackathons. I have a steady relationship. I don't see my friends all that much but I keep in touch. And I measure the amount of hours I spend programming and I count the new projects that I'm doing that are teaching me new skills.

Such a philosopher you are!

Another great article Derek. Thanks. The 'why' I'm pursuing is my love of making and sharing art. I'm still working on making it more sustainable, but having fun along the way.

Derek, when I was much younger, I practiced trying to understand my behaviours by understanding why I felt the way I felt.

The practice begins with first trying to understand what it is that we feel. It seems strange to suggest that we may not understand what we feel, but because of how we have been conditioned, our first notions are not always the core feelings. After stopping to ask, over and over again, "What am I feeling?", I'd eventually get what I believed to be the core feeling.

The next step is to stop each time you have that particular feeling, name it and ask, "Why am I having this feeling"? Eventually the answer would come. The key to the practice is total self-honesty and responsibility. It is amazing the self discovery and the empathy for others that develops.

A bit of an aside to your post, but I think a helpful practice to understanding your question of "Why are you doing"?

I found that you start doing something because you can't stop that inner wave, and you are passionate for that project. Then you find out how many responsibilities it concerns and it's a bit scaring. .. that's the moment you remind yourself those why: and that trying to contribute to some change makes you feel alice.

I love this "unless your goal is more about looking charitable". Bernie Sanders told us volunteers to go get civil servant jobs - I did - and I couldn't stand it - now I am back in corporate, donating money. Win-win. I find I am more accepting of myself after these readings. Thank you Derek.

I always enjoy your posts.love your sense or priority and focus . Thanks for sharing.
Michele

Derek,

Thank you for asking the questions that allow us to become more honest with what we want.

In my own case I've wanted to have massive impact in the world. To me it's about how many lives I can look at and say I've helped improve for the better.

The way I achieve that has evolved. Before it was going to law school to work on policy-level changes. Now it's a combination of empowering more people to find and solve major problems in the world, as well as projects I can create that develop more of a lasting shift.

The biggest missing piece is money. I want more money in order to be able to fund and create those problem-solving projects.

Your writing helped me realize that I'm not after freedom or the 100 other things people suggest are worth pursuing.

A solid why helps gives direction and purpose, a reason for staying in motion, a platform for springing off of, and avoiding the grinding halt that scares the shit out of us... How we rationalise our life mission is integral to our own individual "progress" and sticking to Newton's 2nd law, an object in motion stays in motion. Asking the question why helps but you may not find the answer until you get out there and start stumbling around in the world. Ask why, but be sure to get straight to doing, find that balance.

This is great, Derek. I think I'll be reading it many times over, and will refer to it often. The funny thing is, it came at the perfect time (how did you know what was going on in my life?? LOL). After MANY years in a career which has been rewarding on all sorts of levels, I have finally admitted to myself that it is not 100% my passion. I plan to leave it soon --- and my true path is already being established. Sometimes the stars align just right... but it is more than that. It takes hard work, belief in yourself, and an understanding that there really is no "end" to the journey... It is ALL a journey until you are no longer here on this Earth. As you mentioned in your post, I don't want to be on my death-bed with a pile of regrets. I have made a commitment for that not to happen. Thanks so much for your inspiration.

I used to have no question about what I 'really want'. Now...in advancing middle age (early 50's) that knowledge is not so easy to come by. It's almost like I need some 'flow' to help me decide. "Really want" has different meanings in different dispensations of time in our life. I've got the "why", it's the 'what' that's changing.....

Derek:
You've written some fantastic articles over all this time. So far, this is I absolutely my favorite. Thank you so much!

I don't know why I'm doing. I know that I enjoy what I do, but I don't specifically have a why. That's my first response at least. I guess I do what I do because I want to. I have conflicts between different things, but, mostly I'm doing what I want. There are a few things I'd change and I'm actively pursuing to change them. But for the most part, I just do what I do because I want to.

Why am I doing what I am doing? All I can tell you is that life makes sense when I make songs. It also makes sense when I come up with ideas around tech, but there is nothing like recording to me. I
Have other hobbies like traveling. This is a good article for me. I used to want to be famous, but they don't have what I want: peace or Liberty. As for money, I used to want to make lots of money, but maybe I don't want that... . Maybe I want to reach as many people as possible with my songs and other things. Idk

I love this!

Gift from 2nd read: "Maybe the most important thing to you is learning, or creating, or giving. Maybe it's how many people's lives you can influence. Maybe it's how deeply you can influence just a few people's lives." Thanks, M

Food for thought....Excellent article

I agree. But it sometimes is hard to both know what it is that will truly satisfy your soul's craving, and to know that you are on the right path to achieving it. Alas, it we all had the courage or the clarity of Gauguin, Van Gogh or Bruckner. But it sure as hell wasn't easy for them.

Great thoughts Derek! There's a lot to unpack and takeaway there, in regards to optimizing one's path in life. It's so true that if we don't know the why, there will be hundreds of others ready to use you to accomplish their whys.

Very concise and practical guide.

Derek,

Great post. As life goes on, when you realize that your time is indeed limited, I find myself focusing on the why before what. Once our "Why" has been defined, it leads us to "what" and then comes the optimization for that what. Your comment about hanging mosquito net is a very good one on optimizing for what we want to get done. One of my friends used to comment to my activist friends "Do you want a fight or Do you want results?" Very poignant question and I was reminded of that going through your section on optimizing.

Thanks for the thought provoking post.

This is a great article! It made me think about the paths I want to pursue instead of floating through to find them.

Thanks Derek

Your worlds your oyster you can do as you please. And inside that shell you can sail the seven seas. cause what makes you happy that's what makes you free. But what's right for you may not be right to me. Excerpt from Cages Kill. Wild Man Brun

Your counterintuitive paragraph is something to really think about. Thanks.

Thank you Derek - another philosophical gem!

I have a logistics question for you Re:"(Some comments below are old, because this is a replacement of an old post.)"

I've been looking at my old posts and have not been sure what to do with them now that some of my thinking has moved on. Did you completely overwrite the old post? Did you evolve and do an update of core concepts?

Cheers!
B
Completely overwrote the old post. See the caption under the photo, up top. Same concept, just better-written. — Derek

Thanks Derek, another insightful article that is very timely for myself

Follow your heart and you will never go wrong BUT you must be honest with yourself at the end of the day. Great article!

Hi Derek

I have found asking myself why has been particularly useful at cutting unwanted work/distractions out of my life but no so great at directing my purpose in life.

I've tried the purposeful existence worked hard towards a goal, but it turns out the more work I do the less successful I am. Both in terms of money and happiness.

I found that for me a great amount of joy has come from a relatively purposeless existence. Decreasing what I do has helped me appreciate ideas both business and personal for something closer to their true merit. When I was trying very hard with a purpose I would color every moment as if it were related to my purpose doing it and myself a disservice.

I think when I was charging at a goal my tunnel vision caused me to miss a great deal of opportunities, threats and happiness around me. I think that purpose and success go hand in hand but do success and happiness go hand in hand. Perhaps not.

All the best

This is great advice, Derek. Thank you!! I think the key here is optimizing your life for the right "why". The onslaught of paths and options outside of that "why" scope vying for attention is exausting, at least in my experience. This article is like course correction.

....and that image is on point.

Powerful

I think I am doing what I am doing to prove myself that I can earn a living without being dependent on others. I just want to stay independent and held myself responsible for all my successes and failures. How much money would I make is secondary, how much fame I would get is secondary and how much I will be able to give is secondary too. But surely a bit or lot of all 3 I wouldn't mind. But your article is making me think harder to know which of the 3 is the one I am most inclined towards. I think you are right, it's important to know your foremost drive. Nice article.

You're spot on with everything you said. I didn't really grasp that until I ran across your face book page and began meditating again. I bought your book and ive taken every Master class you put outt there since April. I've decided that I want to be a life coach and am working on getting the tuition. If only more people fought hard for their dreams instead of just letting them be dreams. That was almost me. Thanks for entering my life at the right time.

Great read Derek - thanks. Fab timing as I'm currently deciding between a few activities at the moment, well mainly letting go of some things, which has been so liberating and paying attention to my own compass has been transformational. Always a learning curve, but completely agree with that approach. As ever, thank you for sharing!

I like a little bit of everything (freedom, learning, money, creating) while not being in conflict with myself ;) But maybe that's very un-american ;)

The art of expressing ones self honestly is very hard to do. Bruce Lee said. For myself, i would have to say that rejection is a great teacher. It has taught me as a song writer to adapt to new genres whether i liked them or not at first, (Old habits die hard) and i refused to change course at times only causing my own failures. But, the moment i did i found that people showed interest and a willingness in the changes which helps bring about success and achievement to ones ultimate goal. For me there's nothing more satisfying than to finish a brand new recorded song and say i wrote that.

Deer Derek,

I need advise please? I had a major RTA in 2012, I had intrest from interscope records, but my solictors in the UK conned me. I have epilepsy & brain trauma as was in hospital for months & now hav a catheter tummy bag... Ciz I was vanurable I hav been taken advantage of by a lady called Danie Cortese who somehow found out about my music... Sellin herself as a music promotr.. I ended up payin her money as was not in full health Coz of my brain injury n get confused easily...
Also I did a combination trk before bein V serious Unwelk in hospital, my collaborator asked me to sign somthin so I would get royalties as iI wrote the lyrics & did the vocals... This track has gone all over the Internet even in Google play & he has misspelt my surname on purpose...
I now have a 2 top Music lawers iin the US on this, but now I need to tell you, with help from my
Faïence who is in the US we are tryin to get things sorted the us music lawyers in America are brilliant I now hav to mention this Danie Cortese as paid her money for promotin- ciz if my major RTA I am extremely intelligent now as anothr side of my brain has taken Ovr- the only prob is when I hsv a seziure I get confused & my spellin is not Wat it use to be... I also hsv a new UK solicitor but we are goin to try n reopen my RTA case as the old silictots deelin wiv my case before messd si much up..
I will always have problems... But am a determined performer, so her writer n motet. I Hav had to quit FB & many othr sites as once researched Danie Cortese I found out she has pprevios for fraud & coinin models & gettin then in to porn by spikin there drinks... I suppose? She has been ok wiv me of course she has as been paid - but when I startd to question herr as my memory returned she could not cope wiv the questions saying am 'I on trial here'? She is awre I think maybe we are on to her I hsv checked out her offices all looks so professional but I no she has no idea about so many things in the music industry... I hsv been in this business for yrs I no you do not pay but she caught me at when unwell... I can give you my website: www.astradolphin.com & you are following me at Twitter @astradolphin... Just seeking extra advise as I hsv nown you a long time trew CD baby... & you give sound advise I just needed someone to talk to who I hope can trust? I sorry if som spellin is wrong but my mind is a musical mind field it's so much more inhanched since my RTA but I cannot alway record as hsv othr problems... We do have intrest from a major label as my fiancé works for them... Thank you for your time this is very serious I need to let someone else no.. I just hsv to go to my music lasers about This Danie Cortese... & my old producer etc.. Hope to hear from you I do not wallow in my health problems.. But it is very hard when you hsv little support... Thank you for your time, best Astra Dolphin... I have already a new album written surrounding my RTA & a girl evtrk acoutuc album... I am gettin better but my health cons in waves I will nevr be the same... But I will be gettin bak on stage., but also need to com to Anerica for medical treatment too. As no so much more about my health issues.... Life is nothin but a test... Best Astra Dolphin thanks you..

Hmmm. I do a lot of things. I study the latest ( at least to me) alternative health care
Remedies, exercise programs, longivity and cleansing information , diets, energy medicine, techniques to release blocks, and very recently worked with Howard Wills to cleanse my entire lineage And heal my self, my family and bring more peace to the world. I love my husband and especially focus to keep him and myself alive and happy. I communicate a lot and share what I believe may be useful to friends or make them laugh. I check in with friends more often and try to be a better friend and let them know how appreciated they are.
I really write songs and gags for myself. It makes me feel good . I can make myself cry, I laugh so hard. If my husband laughs then even better. Relieving pain for myself, my husband and others seems to be the reason for all that I do, that or just feeling better. I learned trigger point therapy
To alleviate body pains. I feel like I have been trying to skirt western medicine drug pushers
And the serious side effects they bring to trusting patients who happen to be in my family.
I feel like it has been my purpose for many years to give up my full time music career and be a caregiver to keep my loved ones alive and happy. I have cared 24/7 for loved ones with strokes, heart attacks, Alzheimer's and brain hemmorages. Nearly checking out myself from a car crash, I have learned a lot on healing the mind body spirit and how to be my own care giver. Gratefully I can play the guitar again pain free. Caregivers don't usually take care of themselves. They don't have time and then they forget how nice it feels to enjoy a hot bath and brush their hair.
When I was mostly in bed for nearly two years as moving about caused pain, I asked friends for advice and they came through for me. I hope that I have been helpful to them in their time of need.
Helping others when they most need it makes me feel good no matter how small the need seems .
Proof reading or watching a rough cut to be fresh eyes, or comforting a grieving friend who lost her only child, or saying I love you as often as possible without being obnoxious . Soon I feel I will be recording again and finishing some comedy videos. I have been soliciting help and advice from Trees and bushes recently and getting very good advice. It seems that everything I need is right in front of me. Thanks for asking Derek! I love you❤️Marilyn??

My bliss comes from seeing others get a spark they turn into a better life for them and progress for the universe.

I used to thrive on the crdit for that spark or at least tracking that it happened. Today I'm happy knowing it does, and concentrate my efforts on more sparking

I ask my self that, why I'm I doing this, I have a good level of success, but still I think I want freedom.

So maybe my way is to have a business ;D

Thanks Derek.

Love it when you spend time writing these thought provoking pieces! Thank you. Now, if I only knew what I was truly after...

Re-listened to the Tim Ferriss podcast and busted out laughing in a gym full of people when you recounted your Santa Monica experience of the "penguin" that pooped in your mouth. That made my whole day!

Thanks for being you.

Life is but a wisp...eternity is forever...so conduct yourself accordingly, by laying up treasures in heaven.

Yesterday, I read "To thine own self be true." by W.S. Thank you for the insight and the shift in paradigm I think we all need to see. Great wisdom!

The truth is, I don't know what I want...

I think I want lots of money, to buy cars and stuff and shiny things. But, when I really dig into that, I think I want those things because they are a consolation prize, a short lived respite from the realization I'm living what seems to be a mostly meaningless, non-impactful life... groundhog day.

And so the pendulum swings, back and forth from beating myself up for not having shit figured out at age 37, to being optimistic about that opportunity just around the corner... but what if I'm traveling in a circle?

By all accounts, I have achieved some measure of success... I make enough to provide for my family, put a roof over my head, buy food, have luxuries like cable and internet and Starbucks, etc. So many don't have that... which often makes me question my own ambition... why can't I just be happy with what I have? Is happiness a choice? is it a destination? or is it the journey itself?

Is it ok to say, I don't know what I am doing... or why?

Hey Derek,

This was a great article. I've spent much of my life trying to go in multiple directions, pursuing various "non specific goals." Had I read this article 20 years ago, I would likely have achieved much more than I have. Either way, it's never to late to get started on this path. Thank you for sharing these important life lessons.

In 1987.
My first day at college, my teacher said that the most important words in life are
"Why do I do, what I do."

I thought he was full of poop.

However...oddly enough...almost 30 yrs later...I still remember that sentence he started my very first class in college off with.

And.

He was right.

What about living a balanced life? I know that something has to be a primary focus. But I think in your death bed, if you realize that all you did was try to do one thing, you may be sad that you missed out on so many other things in life. I have a problem of liking and wanting many things. It is a constant challenge. I think I need to put more time on a primary focus. But even my primary goals are several !
If balance is what you're after, then admit it and pursue it. ☺ — Derek

Things I say I want and things I won't admit (or maybe have no clue I'm clinging to) rumble tumble against each other making "noise." Getting clear, making peace, pruning down to the ones I love, really love!-that takes effort. Meditating, studying, taking a test like the Meyers Briggs...reading a post like this (thanks, Derek); all if these help me find peace and quiet conviction to try and live the life (my life!) worth living.

Derek, thank you for this article. I was just writing in my journal this morning on the concept of purpose and realized that my purpose is to pursue meaningful impact through individual and group coaching. Your thoughts and words are very helpful. Thanks for including me on these gems.

Thank you for reminding me that I am responsible for my actions and to always examine why I am doing what I am doing.
Funny how we can find ourselves "off course" if we don't revisit our goals from time to time.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever embraced was, "You can do anything... but not everything." Once you truly accept that, it becomes a lot easier to set down the things you *think* you ought to do, but not at the expense of what you *know* you *want* to do. Picking battles then makes a lot more sense.
YES! I LOVE THAT QUOTE! Thanks for posting it. — Derek

The hardest part for some is just deciding what you want. It is easy to say what you don't want. But, once that list nearly eliminates everything, then what?

You mentioned Conflict - I have a huge conflict -I am a big fan of yours ( T. Ferriss as well) - Implementation of fulfillment/freedom vs security is so hard for me ( and most of us) - selfishly I would love to pitch my high paying job and play the guitar all day in one of those "little houses " - live the simple life -
The crossroads = is this best for my daughter? my wife and I? Long term health care , retirement income ect ....
I think a lot of us admire how you live but it really is hard to do - isn't it??? . I'm afraid ! I cant let go of the security for the unknown . ITs easy when your single and or own your own business - not so easy for the rest of us . I feel guilty that I will be short changing my daughter . I'm scared to give up all this perceived "success "
I wish for something I cant make myself do therefore optimization is pointless.

Based on a lot of conversations I've had, it seems like this question is a lot easier for a lot of other people to answer than me. I'm not sure there's one thing I want to the exclusion of all others. Or at least, if there is, I haven't figured it out yet.

Still working on it, though, and I completely agree with the premise of this article.

It took me a long time to focus on writing. I have written songs and books for 20 years, and I pursued a music career in Nashville. I wanted to be a singer, and on the radio, and touring, until I took a good look. Then I realized I really want to just write, to put words into someone else's mouth, and the celebrity was not really for me. Although I will embrace it if I can sell enough books to become a renowned author.

Hi Derek - What an excellent article! It sure has me thinking. Thank you:)

Brilliant and concise Derek!
Your words always seem to switch on a light or remind me of a lesson I "thought" I already learned.
Thanks for sharing.
TG

Great! Was the cat really in the raft? LOL!!!

Love these thoughts Derek. Sometimes it's hard for us to admit what we REALLY want. I love your example about hanging mosquito nets. So many times we want the feeling instead of the actual result.

I think you have a strong point. I feel lost because I haven't chosen yet. I will think about this during the weekend. Thanks Derek.

Great piece Derek,
This is so simple and so true yet sooo overlooked. Society has a bag pulled over everyone s head just like you say.

The Swedish Meatball

Nice. You would think that as you get older, as you accumulate experience, knowledge, even wisdom, you would think you would REALLY know what you want. Yet, ironically it seems to be less clear. 10 years ago I thought I wanted to live the simple life, in the country, grow my own veg, run my own small business - one failed relationship later, along with a struggling business that is loved by everyone, I'm working 60 hours a week (in the country, living in a shed, surrounded by hand planted vegies) - not sure it is what I want anymore...

Well Derek, that's some provocative food for thought, and thanks for that. I too loved one of the other recent posts about being able to do "anything", but not "everything". SO true. But we'll try it out anyway, right? And then...Dave, I think it was...Dave's last line is something about being careful about "picking your battles". And, being summertime, and harvest season and all, and fortunate to have a garden, and my eyes being a wee bit tired this evening, what I read at first was "...pickling your battles". Now there's a new concept. Perfect for musing on while sipping a little vino roso as the waxing crescent moon sails into the sunset. Pickle your battles well! Cheers!

Hey Derek - my measurements are 'nested' within a driver structure... on one hand at a micro level, my client settlements in finance (I'm a broker, its how I help people) are my units of business, and that translates to houses for my clients...that then rolls up to my business being successful and profitable...($400k+ per annum) and that then rolls up to my 'measurements' about contribution, love, effort and growth at a Joe and at a family level, about providing more than what I was provided with.

By perusing my business and telling people about how I have done that I'll even be able to measure a multiplier on that by showing people how I approached breaking out of a 9-5 style career and explored my skills and options, and that maybe they could also, or at least become conscious about the choice.

Thanks for your post BTW!

Derek I have been thinking about it
and it dawned on me when I woke up this morning that the real issue here is
lack of emotional intelligence.

If my friend wins lottery today,
I might start feeling jealous and I might start wanting money.

So the problem is not defining why.

We are so smart that we can come up with 100 different reason for everything. So it is not about defining.

And why is not critical. You can start business to want money, to get laid, to impact the world...whatever.
It does not matter. 'Why' has nothing to do with financial success.
Nobody cares about your why or motivation.

So it is about sticking to doing the same thing again and again over a certain period of time (because I believe we need that to succeed).
To do that, we can not be emotionally swayed by random events.

I think more realistic advice is to do at least 10 simulations of worst case scenarios.

How would you feel if your close friend won lottery and went travelling around the world?
How would you feel if your close friend starts a charity and start making impact?
How would you feel if your friend gets married and starts to have children?

You will then be prepared emotionally when these things really happen, and not waste your time by losing your main focus.

When you pursue one, you will totally have to let the other be. You cannot love luxury and simple at the same time. Great article Derek.

Thanks Derek, it'salways an interesting subject your writing about! The Camden Promise, New Album, by Tony Natale maybe this link works it's my new Album!

Great read Derek!! As you know I did choose the famous route and enjoyed that for a few years. Now with my own business and brand I grade my current success by how happy I make my clients/people through their senses (ears, eyes, mouth, nose) by cooking, pouring and playing for them. I'm a personal chef, sommelier and guitarist.
They know what you are passionate about and appreciate you for that. And sometime envy you for that.

Now my dilemma...(good of course)
When do I hire someone to delegate? So I have more time to learn more about my crafts...cooking, wine and guitar!

Love this article. I find being honest with myself is important. Letting go of the "other" stuff is difficult.

What a wonderful article and what a poignant time to be reading it!

I just got back home to the Bay Area today after 3 years of living abroad, learning a new language, poorly releasing an album and traveling oodles. The big question staring me in the face now is 'What do I want to do now?'.

This excerpt from your article sounds like the lifestyle I have chosen...
'You can’t diffuse your energy, trying to do a little bit of everything, or you’ll always be in conflict with yourself.'

I'm diffusing my energy doing a little bit of everything and I'm constantly conflicted... and I love it. haha

I just left a wonderful cushy lifestyle where I was making a living playing 3 shows a week and spending the rest of my time wandering. I'd walk to the library and becoming an academic floozy, picking whatever book I wanted in the moment and learning a bit about drawing, or property investment or being a factory worker in China. I'd spend an afternoon with practically anyone to talk about anything. I'd go to the music store pickup any instrument and then rent a practice room for an hour. I'd learn something practical and/or obscure in Chinese, French, Russian etc.

I love following my curiosity, adding value to myself by connecting with as much as I can. This mostly pertains to people and music (these are the forever passions I'd say) but it does extend further to business, massage, psychology, rock climbing, food and environmentalism.

Why do anything? I'd do anything if I can derive value from the growth and investment aspect of it. I want what I do today to 'count' for tomorrow which is why people are so important to me. I think our connection with each other on both the deep and superficial level is what impacts our sense of self and reality the most outside of any other external influence.

Right now I think I'm going to try doing something for the environment. I'm going to throw myself at any green company here in the Bay that I desire and say. 'Take me! I'm yours! Unexperienced and voracious to work pragmatically and passionately for you!' We'll see how it goes. Derek, you're very much a guru and friend to me. I'll keep you posted on my failure and successes... also I lost that music pdf for months and was heart broken but just found it again whilst making my move and looking forward to finishing it!

I think for me, a good balance of everything is the answer.

After years of chasing money by taking on a lot of responsibility and jobs, I know that is not what makes me happy. I like having the abundance of money in the bank account, but being left with only minutes of actual free time at the end of the day is obviously not what most people want.

Unless the jobs and responsibilities you are taking on are fulfilling in itself.

I think for myself, having a good balance of building my small business and keeping up with personal goals (physical fitness and excellence in certain sports) works for me right now.

But I do have moments where I miss throwing myself 100% in business and work and neglecting everything else like health and fitness and sleep.

I still can't say I have a life purpose or what is really "most important to me".

I am so pissed, I spent a half of the morning drafting a reply and once I sent it off I receive a message SORRY you didn't include your email address.

That is the second time that has happened to me.....I know it isn't your fault. But I wanted to recovery my mini treatise on the Florida Land Crab and I was denied the recovery.

Maybe if you are interested in hearing about the massacre of the Florida Land Crab you will email me and I will attempt to re-write what I said.

About your message: I find that I do what I want to do at the tie I do it, meaning if the lawn needs mowing I do not mow it . But when I want to mow the lawn , I enjoy doing the lawn. Just that simple, do what you want to do , and it will not be a problem for you . There are a few things that you cannot put off, need I say what they are? But far more things that we have to do, can be put off until we WANT to do them, then they are satisfying to our selves .

Love this Derek! It's so true - the why sets pace for everything! I really love the part about those who go with the flow. You know I'm a big champion of stepping out of the norm and live the way, and the WHY, you want vs the way everyone else wants you to. I saw on a Tshirt once "Only dead fish go with the flow" and I've adopted it ever since, lol!

Thanks again Derek for a #winspiring read!

Not a death-bed regret, but I was in a near-death situation last year; during a full-STEMI heart attack at 4am on a wintry February night in rural Scotland. I was trying to hang on, but it got harder to breathe and I said to Lynn, my wife, "I'm sorry, I think I'm going..."

''You CAN'T!" she replied. ''You've just found the GUITAR SOUND you've been searching for!"

That did it! I fought even harder, and soon saw a flashing blue light reflecting off the snow on the hills outside our cottage. The paramedics were here.

Thanks for generating some very thoughtful reflections.

You make a very good point Derek - again. In my opinion most people are aware on a gut level what would they like to do but low confidence prevents them to admit and pursue their dreams. They think that other people - those in videos and books- are smarter, wiser, more experienced and successful so they'd rather follow their screen-play than their own.

I'd also say that I don't believe in universal truths, solutions (see the street names vs. block names), or universal goals concerning a person. I think that yes, everyone has one main calling in one big area of life (finance, career, relationship...), but all the other life areas matter too. Like let's one's my main calling is to become super rich - but if he achieves this, but only this he won't be happy. There are other life areas like health, free time, etc which also needs fulfillment. The opposite applies as well -if all minor areas are satisfied but not the main one, that leads to internal conflict as you said. It is a very colourful thing to be a happy human. :)

"But whatever you decide, you need to optimize for that, and be willing to let go of the others."

I believe this is the first step in actually moving towards your dreams or goals but the hardest one. You will need face the fears that will come with it.

Then once I realize it. Admit it. And pursue it like no other.
Put it on a piece of paper that I see everyday so I won't forget it.

I think you should also emphasize the importance of studying what will make us happy.

If our goal is to reach our death-bed, and reflect on our life’s choices with contentment, then we need to study what will lead to happiness.
As you know from Stumbling On Happiness, humans aren’t naturally good at knowing what will make them fulfilled.

People often think they are choosing the value that matters most to them, and yet later find they were wrong.

Admitting that you want to make a lot of money is a good first step in knowing your intentions. But it’s important to then ask yourself why you want to make a lot of money.

For example, someone who puts their career before their relationships may come to realize that their intuition that money matters most, was actually wrong.

Somebody who thinks they really want to be famous may succeed in climbing that mountain, and then come to realize that they don’t like the view.

We can easily be misled by what we assume to be conditions for happiness, that actually aren’t.
Great point! Yes, everyone please read Stumbling on Happiness. ☺ — Derek

Just what I needed right when I needed it. Thank you, Derek. I love reading what you write! Your writing always inspires me!!!

APTGJHG

Derek,

This is so true and it encouraged my heart. Believe or not this is exactly the time i needed to hear this. I was in the hospital visiting my husband when his girlfriend, yes his girlfriend showed up. I gave him his ring back and walked out. Ive been working on my music and just got one cd out via cdbaby of course. I have now two others sitting here ready to go that i had sitting on the shelf because i was beaten down always by my husband. He always made me feel bad about my music which sells good, on a steady basis. God sent this letter to me via you. No matter what I am going to continue to chase the Desire of serving God, Helping others, making lots of money and becoming famous (am somewhat famous, happy to say. Ive been on stage with some big names and big names has even come to my concerts).

Again thank you for not forgetting me

I love you man, and always will

Rev Pastor Tina Redden

Hi Derek, Thanks for taking the time to keep in contact. First, I hope you're well.

My thoughts? Oh body; First, I have an offer to publish my tutorial online. It's called "The Good Taste of Vocal Singing (For Serious Amateurs & Professionals).

I'm editing my latest play "Jimmy & Inez" and a young director will be working with me on this project.

Finally, in the process of trying to get a recording grant (the music is for the tutorial It will contain vocal exercises, physiological diagrams (for breath control); and about 5 songs (jazz, jazz/Latin, blues, one gavotte and a Gospel song. Am I nuts? I suppose so. Thanks for letting me share.

Well said, mate! To thine own self, be true.
For me, it's all about Family & Good Friends, and sharing
for the betterment of the village ☺

Hi Derek,

Thank you for your recent post.

I guess the trouble comes when one is unable to truly know what they want.
We often lie to ourselves and can convince ourselves that what we are doing is what we want. This can last for minutes, weeks or often years. Perhaps I think I want fame and do indeed devote all my time to it only to reach the conclusion when i do become famous that I hate everything about it!

It's good to clarify, yes.

But we are not simple beings, for whom either money or artistic satisfaction or fame or helping others are mutually exclusive, singular pursuits.

I think it is best to make each decision by quieting the chatter and accessing that guide within--our intuition--which is attuned to what is best in each individual circumstance.

Very good stuff! I'm taking it as a reminder to check my bearings against what I want to be and do. Thank you, Derek!

Love this! Great post Derek! And yes, not knowing why you're doing something is like heading out to sea with no rudder, no compass and just floating around hoping you'll arrive to a destination that will give you the big a-ha moment of what you're supposed to do with your life. Take a little action folks. Actively work on paying attention to what gives you joy and what your heart truly longs for when you're honest with yourself.

I also think people complicate it. They are looking for some complex, deep, philosophical type kind of answer as to what their why instead of realizing it's very simple. Sometimes even one or two words.

What’s the why? For me it’s the relationships and help I bring clients paired with residual income. I worked at a bank managing partners, quit because of the mundane-ness of corporate life and joined a partner. Now I cold call, mundane, to set appointments to board clients. The grind is daunting, intimidating and really sucks. My conflict is the initial contact, the cold calling how to phrase it, how to approach it, how to just spit it out. I do what I do to create freedom and live without someone else’s permission. I couldn’t have ever imagined how hard it would be before I decided to take the risk but like you've said before it doesn’t matter how I feel. Do what I need to do. So to start, I’ll begin by letting go.

i'm working on improving my surfing. That's why I moved to Bali a few months back. I've hired some great people to step in and work on my business while I stay a step back and provide guidance on my terms vs being involved all day.

While I'd love to make a lot more money, I know with the systems and trainings I'm spending my time creating (when not surfing/traveling) I'll hit my next income goals within the next 12 months so I'm fine with where I'm at right now.

I'm stoked with my life, and my surfing is improving while the business runs.

Forgive me. I have never responded twice. But....Derek, Tanya Montiero wrote here thethe other day that she was driven to share. What an excellent "why". Share everywhere all the time! I shared with a business associate that i had written a tribute to the Louisiana Flood Victims. She said," Send it to me. We have a benefit concert by the Band of Brothers on Oct 1 at the Sandler Centre in Va Beach and we will sing your song and add your cause to our fund-raiser." I was blown away! Sharing in an unrelated conversation got one of my songs into a large public concert! Keep sharing is all I can say. This is my first, you know, after so many years. God is good!

Some of our goals--like money and fame--are not ends in themselves but means to ends.

So it's worth enlarging and deepening that self-scrutiny by asking, "Why do I want money or fame?"

This allows us to get at the true essence of what we want sooner.

If we want money to feel free, for example,then we can practice doing things that make us feel free. If we want fame to feel appreciated, then we can start practicing appreciating ourselves.

Money and fame won't bring us what we want if we can't accept the essence of what we want to begin with. But if we practice the essence of what we want, then we start living in that essence.

This is what Christ meant by "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you."

(Disclaimer: I am not a Christian, but then again neither was Christ.)

I grade myself by the amount of writing I got done that day.

I tend to feel a lot of pride after I've written what I wanted to and had the time and space to get it all out. I'm much calmer, less depressed or anxious, more in tune to my world and myself when I have had ample time to take a walk by the river and write lots and lots of pages.

Almost everything else that I have to do in any given day gives me anxiety.

Hmmm...time to make some changes...

This is incredible insight. Being real with yourself is probably the best and most practical advice when it comes to finding your why. Finding your TRUE why and pursuing it!

Derek, I couldn't agree more. I may have told you this years ago, but I have absolutely no regrets in the path I have chosen, mistakes notwithstanding.

I have , at least, tried everything that interested me. As soon as I found out that the particular interest didn't suit me, I moved on. I never wasted one day pursuing something that I knew wouldn't work out.
I never cared about making a ton of money...Just enough to make me comfortable....And that's exactly what happened. I've done my bit for king and country. Now, I lay back and collect a well earned Social Security and a pension from the motion picture industry.....Life is good.

Another great read. I needed this I feel like this will help me re-align my desire's and life ambition/ambitions. Thank you again Derek

Great article Derek! Enjoy reading your work.

Although the link to this article was emailed to me a week ago, I didn't actually read it until today and I'm glad I did. The timing is impeccable and relevant to what I'm thinking about right now. I decided today that I want to travel the world speaking to large groups of people and inspiring and uplifting them with my story. My new story begins now. I am going to pursue this- with no more explanations or apologies. Thanks for the nudge I needed!

Absolutely great post Derek. Always so thought-provoking and steering us to do that which we love the most. I think the most difficult part of all this is to work out how to do that which you love but be able to derive some form of income from it so as to be able to afford what if call "the necessities" (a place to live, food to eat, water and the resources to pursue your dreams).

Another difficult thing is to actually work out what it is that gets you out of bed in the morning.
For me personally I believe I know what this is, but monetizing it in order to afford "the necessities" is what I'm having difficulty with.

Any thoughts?

On-target, insightful article about doing what makes us happy and fulfilled in life. Wish I would have followed your advice earlier in my life.

Why the scary pic of the cat about to be dunked in the drink? Otherwise, good article.

Hi Derek it's kinda funny that I'm finally getting around to reading this and it's the exact same thing I was conveying to my 13yr old and I really like how you laid this golden nugget out, for music to me now is more about the process than the promise and the success is in the process, and I like how you put it for "one must admit it" again thanks for sharing

Hi I just had to come back and add this comment and this part of your article Derek not only jumped out at me but moved me the most and it's this part

Maybe the most important thing to you is learning, or creating, or giving. Maybe it's how many people's lives you can influence. Maybe it's how deeply you can influence just a few people's lives.

This is where I am in life and still Learning. Creative Expression, Better Possibilities and learning all for His purpose.

This year has been all about this topic - finding my truth. I finally gave myself permission to let go. I left one of my startups even though I was worried about disappointing my co-founders. I stepped down as president of the nonprofit I founded even though I hadn't accomplished everything I wanted to. Now I'm faced with figuring out how to optimize around working on projects that are meaningful to me (conservation) and also paying the bills (running my ecommerce company). Thanks, Derek

The hardest thing you will ever do is be honest to yourself, and make decisions that benefit you, without being a taker. Remember, in the end, it is only yourself you have to answer to.

This is really AWESOME. As long as you keep posting, I will keep reading. :)

Thinking about why you do what you do is only the first step. The next step would be thinking about why you want what you want and why you want things you don't already have. I like the stoic way of "learning to want what you already have and even learning to live without things you take for granted".

I know what you are saying Derek. I know that you are right. It is incredibly hard to do what you wish to do with all the responsibility heaped on us today. Trying to pay our bills; trying to be what we "think" are "good parents"; trying to be responsible when everyone tells us we are not; trying to stay positive when all around you are trying to pull you down; finding positive people to fill the void; being honorable to all when it is so tempting to do what is easiest instead of what is right; finding strength when you are totally exhausted; never quitting even though each and every day you want to; and all the other distractions in our life. Wealth has always been about good relations although I have to admit money often separates me from this desire. Thanks for the post. It is appreciated.

many thanks - this has very succinctly articulated for me what I have been trying to define for myself.

Once again Sivers has delivered a method for boiling down life changing decisions to a simple question of "Why?".

Asking "Why?" is a great technique for refocusing our life. Similar to this article, Ricardo Semler's TED talk says that the way to get to our greater wisdom is to simply ask three “Whys?” in a row about everything you are doing. He says, “The first ‘Why?’ you always have a good answer for. Then the second ‘Why?’ starts getting difficult to answer. By the third ‘Why?’ you realize that, in fact, you really don’t know why you’re doing what you’re doing.” Semler says that by asking “Why?” three times, you start to get clearer about who you are and why you are here. In other words, you start to find your own wisdom.

But sometimes the best strategy is counter-intuitive (Sounds like Derek's next book review Will Macaskill's book "Doing Good Better"). Recently, I have been making a lot of decisions that are in conflict with what I want to be doing. For instance, since graduating I have moved to a desert to take on technical responsibilities with a large organization when I would rather be on the coast building something of my own to gain more freedom.

A lot of of my decisions do not directly align with what I want to be doing -- would that make them wrong? Would they be the right ones if I instead saw them as necessary for me to gain career capital to eventually pursue something I want? Is it sufficient to be patient and mindful of where I want to be going, or do I need immediate action? I am a rational being; therefore, it is easy for me rationalize every decision I make to something I want to be doing.

I have only been circling our Sun for two and half decades now so I would love to hear more thoughts and insights.

Great insight. Loved it! Thanks.

This article reminds me of why I sold my business. Although I knew what I want....to give myself tiime and practice myself to become an independent stock trader, I still get distracted on the way because I don't focus enough. After I read your article, I start writing what I want for my life and why I have been doing this. I'll keep what I just wrote down as my compass and push myself to be more self disciplined. Thank you so much for your great article.

Great words. I feel that I my focus waivers from time to time and then not much done. Your words want make me focus on what I want.

My why is learning to be more free and freedom to learn and play. Perhaps my role model is a dolphin. As well as my friend Christine.

As paramedics lifted the backboard from the highway and carried me, leg shredded open, to an ambulance, the brilliant blue Colorado sky filled my vision and a calm, triumphant smile came over my face . I could not recall ever having such a feeling.

Alongside that strange feeling of triumph was an opposing one: it didn't matter.

Nothing did.

Christine, my best friend, had died just 2 weeks ago from a cancer that killed her over 14 months.

Christine was single, like me, and we actually met at a speed dating event. I could sense an attitude in her that was so benevolent and fun-loving that I quickly overcame my usual shyness and asked for her email before the dating part started. Good thing, because she got bored half-way through and left.

I couldn't remember any one else I met that night either.

She later told the story of going to her sister’s house and her sister asking her if she met Mr. Right that evening. She replied, "No, but I think I may have met Miss Right."

It was mutual.

Up until the last weeks she was training for her CPA exam and I was training her in my IT work so that she could earn a living again and pay for the medical expenses. She hated not to be working.

This illness was just a detour as far as she was concerned.

Then one day she called to let me know that she would be getting hospice care. She left the voicemail without a trace of self-pity. When her sister got overly emotional about her condition, Christine would tell her, "Lisa, you need a shrink!"

We had both been despairing about approaching 40.

She died 6 months short of that horrible milestone.

On the last day I saw Christine I wished so badly that I could have taken her just once more to Rocky Mountain National Park. All I could do was bring over the few snapshots I had of us there from a disposable camera. Smoke a cigarette with her sister. And hold her hand. And cry.

If I had died quickly today, at this intersection of highway 285 and 470, who cares, I thought? At least I will not have suffered. And no one depends on me. And I like it that way.

In the midst of getting injured and having so many reasons to be angry at myself, and even pity and despise myself, why had I felt that I had won some grand victory?

The answer was simple.

There was no way to anticipate how many fascinating characters I would meet, how many adventures I would embark upon, how many challenges were to be faced, and how much joy to be had, and how competent I would feel at something that was so hard at first.

But there was something within me that was going to make all of that possible. Something which had just awoken.

For the first time in my life, there was something about which I could say: if I were to leave the world in this manner, doing something that I really loved, I was ok with it. There was something worth living for, rather than just things I am working to avoid.

I knew that I felt about motorcycling the way she felt about life as a whole. And if I could conquer my fears I'd be living with her spirit.

Derek, you always inspire and put things where they should be...and how they should be. A little dose of reality is what I need. I love your outlook on life, your willingness to help and encourage others, and your focus. It always comes through in your writing. Thanks.

It's an interesting idea. I suspect people don't think about this enough! It would be a good exercise for people to review their 'what am I doing now?' web sections and ask themselves why they are. If you don't know.... why don't you know?!?

Knowing the "why"!! Good read ! Thanks!

Wow, total eye opener! For years I've thought there was something wrong with me because I didn't seem to have that (capital p) "Passion" that so many entrepreneurs talk about... That thing that makes them get up in the morning, that they do because they can't NOT do it.

Reading this, I'm realizing that mine is learning. It's the thing that gets me going everyday, that makes me crack open my laptop and turn on NPR every morning. It's the reason I drive myself crazy figuring out every little tech hiccup in my business myself, rather than just paying someone to do it for me. It's the source of the entrepreneurial A.D.D. that makes me want to move on to bigger and better things every time I start to feel like I've mastered what I'm doing. (It's also the reason for my six-figure student loan debt, but that's a topic for another conversation...)

I've always known I was a compulsive learner, but it's never occurred to me that THAT could be my "why"--what a huge revelation! Thanks for the clarity... Now off to figure out how I can integrate that knowledge in a way that still lets me pay the bills!

Why?....Because and we're not wrong,... always defending what and why we do it! It's what we do. Great insight Derek.

Hello Derek,
Miss you bad from CD Baby. Guess that is life. Hope you are happy & enjoy it.

I pull down he odd gig on piano, I turn 79 next Jan 4. How 'bout that, mate?
No booze, no cigarettes!

Fit as a Mallee bull. Still handle 300W Yammy mixer + 300 watt bins.
15 bass pedals (Bb up to C) They co/control Yammy keyboard 15 lowest notes. Drives U220 Piano module (Top gear)!
Next gig at Narooma Golf Club, 110 yards away. Playing outside, Will be heard all over the 9 holes surrounding the club.
If you ever come to OZ you are welcome to stay at our flat next door.
Rels come over Xmas, but empty rest of year.
(Store music gear there, but can leave in my truck no trouble).
Best regards, Mark Whitty (Doctor Jazz, the WIZARD OF OZ) (take care).

At a conference I attended yesterday, Seth Godin reminded me what a great writer you are. So glad I came back here today and read this post!

As a health coach I often struggle because I don't actually enjoy working 1:1 with clients so much. What I love is reaching a large audience through my writing - spreading new ideas, helping people see the world (and themselves) just a little differently. This post clarified for me that I just need to own that and optimize for it. Stop trying to find a 1:1 model I can live with and, instead, double down on my efforts to reach a massive audience!

Thank you!!

I absolutely needed to hear this. Thank you!

I have learned so much from your books and posts over the years. I was thinking about this today as I walked the streets of Singapore for the first time. I am honored to have the chance to change my destiny.
Thank you.
☺ Thank you Azul. — Derek

Wow - thanks so much for this Derek! I can't put into words how much I needed this message RIGHT flippin' NOW! I'm in the midst of releasing a new album, I just shot a professional music video for one of the singles, and I've put together a huge live concert to celebrate the release of the new album. That means that, in the middle of trying to get the word out about the new CD and video, I am also trying to get the word out about the concert, push ticket sales, AND rehearse with the band and singers . It's more than I've every personally taken on before so it's been incredibly overwhelming at times.

All that being said, this blog post reminded me to focus on WHY I'm doing it all - not just WHAT I'm doing. This was a huge help and is giving me the push I need to have an amazing concert week coming up!! (Concert is on Saturday, 10/01!)

Thanks so much, Derek!! I always appreciate your blogs!! You're awesome!!

I never wanted to be a teacher when I was growing up in public schools. I was taught to respect my teachers, but that was difficult for most of them who seemed incompetent and unfair and poor and unable to inspire. Not until I was in college did I discover that I had been a teacher all my life. I loved teaching and couldn't understand that some teachers thought I was threatening their leadership when I tried to help. College had some of the worst teachers of all. I never thought I would be happy earning so little money. Then I discovered that shared joy is more important than money, though you still need it to live. And your wife and four kids need the financial support. For me, no career could have been more exciting and rewarding than teaching. What could be more rewarding than stepping out onto the playground every day and having a different kid run up and give you a hug because you made their lives more joyful. And when I had to quit my job in one district because I couldn't continue to teach 800 kids 15 periods a day, I came back to say good-bye the next fall and was mobbed on the playground by hundreds of kids who thought I was coming back. I was an elementary music teacher. When the budget was cut, music, art, PE, and Library were often on the chopping block. Different school boards and different administrators have different goals. I was laid off three times in 35 years of teaching.

It makes me wonder about the economic system in America. Does it matter if the dollar in my pocket pays for a teacher or food? I have to pay for both. Taxes need to be understood better.

When I was working summers before going to college, I generally did general labor. The pay was outstanding compared to other non-unionized jobs. I was able to pay most of my own college costs. The home office offered me a job there if I wanted to move. The money was a lot better than a teacher's salary, but it was terrible work for me. No more construction for me when I started teaching.

We took chances with our lives too. We took our two first children with us and moved to Switzerland and then to Germany where we did charitable work, and I worked as a teacher for the US Department of Defense. Our children went to the German school and learned the language and much of the culture. When we returned to the United States, we lived in small towns on purpose. We now have friends all over the world. We can keep in touch through the internet. Once in a while, I run into a former student. How wonderful to hear how their lives are going! My children are all independent and successful. Now I have grandchildren who are surely a delight! I'm glad we took these chances. As much as possible, we planned well for them. It was always good to have a plan B in mind in case plan A didn't work. I'm not wealthy, but I have enough. No debt. Lovely wife. Lovely friends. Lovely climate (most of the time). Freedom within limits. Ahhhhh....... yes. Retirement means I can do things when I want to do them. There are health issues at nearly 72, but mostly, I'm glad I took the time to enjoy my wife and kids and students and friends and surroundings all the way through my life. I'm happy! No one but me is responsible to make me happy.

Nice stuff on personal motives. Most folks never get to a state where they understand their own motivations; the ones that do are blessed. People cannot get to this state because they believe the "advertising", in the larger, culturally pervasive (and perverse) sense of that word.

One of my biggest challenges all my life has been that of focus. I've always envied those who just seem to be able to lock on one thing and pursue it to success. I so agree with your point about diffused energy and self conflict. It's not that easy to change when you've behaved like this for five decades though. I think I will be dealing with this for life.

Derek so true thank you. I hvae to learn to give priorities in my life

Admitting the truth to yourself is the most important, and hardest, part. I love that picture, by the way. ...why do they have that cat!?! LOL

An incredible, eye-opening post! I often think that my "why" is wrong...but this post reminds me that it isn't, if it's what I really want.

I want to make a lot of money and be able to have my husband quit his job, and have my children have whatever they want. I want to provide a very lavish life for them and reading this reminds me that THIS IS OKAY!

Thank you for writing this!

Thanks Derek, for your insightful articles as always... with respect to your content, as of now, i just can think of 5-why concept, with which you can find whether your aims are real or not.

Dig the article, admitting what we want is key. Inspiring me to be more upfront with myself and care less what others think is what I should be doing

Love this post. Thank you so much!!!

Thanks.

Robert Greene level wisdom. Really enjoyed this

Really great points here! I think having a deep understanding of your life purpose and understanding why it is you do what you do is the true path to happiness. Very well articulated in this article. I'd like to add that it's really hard to know your life purpose, and someone that has helped me is Jaret Grossman. If you're interested, I'll link his blog. I hope it helps any of you the way it's helped me! Feel free to let me know what you think. Keep up the good work Derek! http://blog.jaretgrossman.com/self-help/365-video-series/?order=asc

This is one of those articles that I'll keep re-reading regularly. Thank you for writing the article.

An excellent post on the 'whys' we do ....

Hello,

I really enjoyed this article. The part that really rang true to me was that I can't defuse my attention. I have a rough time focusing on one task so I'm glad you mentioned this so I can be conscious of my priority.

Good stuff.

Thank you

Thank you for the great post. staying focus and be real to self

Derek, I really enjoy your posts and your perspective. I apologize if you've answered this question elsewhere in your blog (I've read several of your posts, but not all). How do you choose your "why"? Is it intuitive? How do you test this internally? Is it simply a gut decision, or is it more logical?
See “Happy, Smart, Useful” to start. But finally it's just experience, noticing what you want, what you don't. — Derek

Just wanted to say: I just spent the last several hours reading ALL of your blog posts, and chuckling and sharing as I read. Powerful, succinct and funny. Thank you!

Derek,

Excellent piece. The part about trying to be a little bit of everything just diffuses our energy really hit the nail on the head.

Acting in alignment with who we really are can be difficult at first. However, like any skill, it gets easier the more we do it.

Great stuff as usual Derek!

Pursuing a life based on social norms, i.e. what others think you should want, and ending up with deathbed regrets as a result, is a sad and common thing. However even people who are able to detach themselves from all those expectations and conformity traps are still struggling to suss out their 'why'.

Many people fluctuate between various whys. One day it's all about wealth, because wealth brings freedom and status. Then on another day that seems like an unfulfilling why, because status is not important and freedom can be had sooner by pursing it as an end in itself [fisherman parable: http://renewablewealth.com/the-parable-of-the-mexican-fisherman/]. Then you might ask yourself what exactly 'freedom' is and why you want it. Perhaps you're really after time. Time you can spend on mastering whatever you like, in amongst spending time with people you care about. Sounds like a nice idea.

Say frugally getting by on a few hours work every month can give you all the time you're after. Yet you start to feel like you're wasting your life, squandering your potential, that you aren't 'successful'. Something is missing. And so it goes on, bouncing from one why to the next, in a tail-spin.

Maybe one day I take some online courses about finding my purpose. Then the next day I become convinced that pursuit of purpose ain't no thing; and it's really all about being purposeFUL.

So I really just need to be decisive about my next project; and pursue it to the end. Finish it. Then move onto another thing, with purpose, that will bring me the outcomes of money and a nice time doing something interesting and useful. Hmmm...

Every 'why' we pursue as an end in itself begs the question why it matters. If my why is money, fame, power, social impact, freedom... why do we want these things? Do they all drill down to some core root why? And if we were to find that worthy, human root, would it answer all these superficial questions about the direction we should take, about what we should focus on? Do we really all want the same thing, only different people's true desires are buried beneath more layers of distorting cultural expectations?

It's difficult for anyone pursuing money or fame as an endgame to shut their eyes and ears off to the possibility they may get it and wonder why they bothered. 'Successful' people, by traditional measures, may have as many deathbed regrets as those who didn't pursue much at all.

And even if we discovered there was a root why, would it stop us pursuing all these other peripheral desires - for status, recognition, credibility, validation? Are we really talking about a choice of whether to pursue base lizardy desires (social superiority) vs higher mind stuff (connectedness)?

Given nature's love of diversity, perhaps when we've all climbed the hierarchy of needs and we're perched at the top gazing through the lens of self-actualisation, we all see something different. Even if the lens is one lens, the same for everyone. It's likely the lens is just one of MEANING. We can all find meaning in different things at different times. [See Viktor Frankyl's 'Man's Search for Meaning'].

Perhaps if we were in a Star Trek type set-up, we wouldn't be so fearful of sliding back down the rungs - a fear that no doubt drives a lot of the wealth-seeking behaviours - entirely natural. This fear keeps us seeking F*$( you money. If we could only have enough to never have that fear again, we would be fulfilled. Or at least the fear would leave us empty enough to replace it with something less uncomfortable.

The best way to accumulate wealth is arguably to give more than we take - to create more value for more people. That make us feel good too. Hence it's a common purpose to go for big money by having big impact - sensible enough.

Then indecisiveness and doubt kick in at various common junctures:

1) Is this really aligned with my ONE true inner calling? A cartoon 'millennials' pisstake I saw recently springs to mind, where a stick figure thinks to themselves, "I suppose I could be President... but is politics really the TRUEST calling of my heart? No... no that would be settling". For all the Simon Sinek circles in the world, coming up with a Life Vision Statement that nails you to one purpose is enough to drive anyone insane. Like company vision statements that are beautifully crafted in boardrooms and plastered all over the walls, it can often be total bullshit too. Something that sounded good while you were in the workshop.

2) One minute we're damn sure why we're doing this thing, the next we've lost the faith. We feel distracted, self-doubting, disorganised... so instead of making fast firm decisions then taking a long time to change our minds, we make slow decisions and change our minds quickly. On the surface that looks like a fitting approach to today's fast-paced, fail fast, exponentially changing, blah blah world. In reality it's a recipe for skipping around never finishing a thing and always giving up when success is around the next corner. Better search for some psychological studies to justify my scatteredness and find some productivity hacks to alleviate the burning agony of getting nowhere. It must be because my morning routines as so shit or I'm not meditating enough.

Okay there are loads of other thoughts but this is getting long, so I'll wrap up with this:

- Instead of nailing ourselves to one 'why' forever, one grand purpose, one 'this is me' thing... it's totally cool and way less pressured to pick life's mission on a project by project basis. Just make sure you see the project through to the end. Pick it wisely. You must enjoy it. It will take way longer than you think. It should maybe be a stepping stone towards bigger, harder, stretchier things. If you expect every aspect of the project to light up your intensely motivated burning fire of existential flow and passion every minute of the day, you'll be really bummed when you're doing your accounts and arsing around on social media. Accept there will be boring jobs, just like practice and mastery of all kinds can be boring, but enjoy the overall project as something worthwhile that you've determined others will value. Forget all that rubbish about having a single life mission and a permanent why, it'll drive you nuts. Forget all that rubbish about being super engaged with every aspect of your work - it's the people who can suffer boredom, crap jobs and plough on anyway who have always succeeded. Tenacity and persistence aren't won through life hacks and productivity systems. They're won by cultivating and practising tenacity and persistence, just like practising the piano. It takes ages and the only way to do it is to do it. If you can't do it, you're just one of those normal people - the vast majority - who don't do mad big things that requires loads of tenacity. Not because your ability is fixed and you aren't capable, but because you can't truly be arsed, like most, to overcome your shit, or to do the rubbish jobs that come with your choice. Maybe ask yourself which rubbish jobs you are prepared to do and use that as a rudder too.

- Do stuff that makes you lose yourself. If you never experience 'flow', it's maybe because your mind is filled with anxious or negative thoughts. Flow is binary - it can only exist when all that crap is switched off. Flow also takes practice, like playing the piano. Unless we regain the lost art of concentration, we'll never produce our best or spend enough time in our most creative state to reach our potential. Our imaginations are crippled by email and twitter notifications, checking facebook, comparing ourselves to carb free daily meditating pillars of paleo perfection. Put down the phone. Close the laptop. Use pen and paper. Stop thinking about why you enjoy it and start BEING IN it.

Some screenwriters focus on creating a killer 'logline' before they begin a script. The logline is a one-liner, like a mission statement, that should capture the purpose of the movie - what it's about, who the protagonist is, who the antagonist is, what their goal is, where the irony lies. Others say you should let the events within the story dictate the meaning, i.e. they see the movie's meaning as an emergent property of the stuff that happens and the actions and reactions that ensue.

In movies and life perhaps we need both. We can revisit our logline - our current interpretation of what we think it's about and why that matters - continually. But we can't wait for it to be perfect or permanent in order to begin. We need to write some scenes: pick our location, pick the actors we want to work with, pick the events and react to the events we didn't pick in unpredictable ways... revisit the logline, keep playing the scenes, revisit the logline. They inform and inspire one-another along the way.

I suppose the most important thing is this awareness that we have choices and trade-offs and a responsibility to ourselves not to get swept up in the current of current trends. We don't need to pick a trend to identify with, no matter how tempting. If we lift our heads up and look at a longer-term horizon it's much easier to see we can steer ourselves from within.

Then we can analyse whether we are on a trajectory that will lead to regret or opportunity. We can adjust course by learning new things. We can use our gut to sense whether we are doing this for the right reasons, or the wrong ones (clue: fear is the wrong reason).

Good luck folks :) x

After reading just one sentence in the above post, I can finally understand where I have been and where I need to go. Your statement of, "You can't diffuse your energy trying to do a little bit of everything, or you'll always be in conflict with yourself," just described my life for the past four years. What an eye opener, thank you!

Great ! It demands reflection. Deep reflection. It is like go fishing inside your self.

The past year I've realised freedom is what I want. Slowly turning this ship around. Thanks for this post, has confirmed I'm doing the right thing.

Why are you doing?

The great question and one from which all else follows.

Thanks for a heaping dose of clarity Derek.

Carl Kruse

Thanks for this as I heartily agree that honesty with yourself is paramount. Yes, people will say you're nuts or doing the wrong thing. They'll try to steer you in a number of other directions (without steering themselves anywhere) and convince you to change your mind no matter what you say or think. If you have a vision for yourself and they have none for you or themselves either; guess who's going to yell the loudest for you to "stop"?
I'm moving forward to do what I want for myself and leave other naysayers to stew in their own juices. Whether I ultimately fail or not (I truly think not), at least I will know I went for my dreams - no regrets.

One way to deal with the weight of Why? is to understand that it will change from one period of your life to the next. For example, when my kids were small I wanted to be at home with them to provide the best environment, greatest opportunity for exploration and most secure loving I could. When they were old enough to go to school I wanted to start my own career because their school put space in my days and I needed to find a more stimulating environment for myself as well as some more income security. And so it goes throughout life.

A valuable question to add to Why?, is what effect the current answer might have on the more distant part of your life; did the time and effort spent on nurturing my small children help them feel more secure, well-adjusted and independent as they got older -- so I didn't need to worry too much about them as they grew up and made their own choices? Will your goal-and-purpose now become a building block later for something else of value?

I think many people stumble through life without any direction, no clear path or intention. Most of us have never been taught to ask why, we were just told to do.

This is a great reminder that in the digital age we just take fast action, often without thinking. Reminds me of this old song, which was a reminder as well to stop, take a look around and think.

https://youtu.be/gp5JCrSXkJY

Thanks, Derek

This is a really good article for anyone who is needing a little push in the right direction (me) and it makes so much sense. Thank you for the honesty this article embraces. You don't see too many articles of this caliber.

Thanks !!!!

The premise of your article "Smart people don’t think others are stupid" is a logical fallacy. Your reasoning therein is non-sequitur.

Furthermore, a stupid person, by definition, is one who lacks intelligence or common sense. Intelligence is defined as the ability to acquire and apply knowledge. Obviously, such people can (and certainly do) exist. Your assertions aren't even consistent with proper definitions. Amusingly, though, your failure to construct a valid argument is consistent with both your own definition and the proper definition of stupid.

However, stupid people can develop intelligence, not through proclaiming oneself a "student of life," but rather through rigorous study and intellectual scrutiny. The last part is important, because it means that empty rhetoric and optimism founded in fallacy fosters complacency in incompetents.

RIP

Thank you for the reminder, Derek, to grant ourselves permission.

To me, it took a while to find and admit the 'why' (the true why- not the deceptive one). Some people find it naturally during their journey, some work really hard to find it and apply to real life. Having clarity of why we do what we do is unavoidable in the end. More clarity leads to better decision and happiness.

你好，我是来学习英语的。同时，你的文章对我也有很大的启发。谢谢。
谢谢 ☺ — Derek

Brother Derek,

This powerful revelation you have shared is the exact medicine I need. For the majority of my wonderful life I have accepted what others told me I should be and what I should believe. Despite cultural and societal norms, I accept full responsibility for where I am in life. With that said brother, I am asking and answering the following questions to get unstuck and get out of my own way.

1. Who am I?
2. What do I want?
3. Where am I going?
4. What's in my way?
5. Who's going with me?
6. What am I waiting for?
7. When will I say yes to Preston's purpose and dreams?

Thank you for giving more than you have to. I hope to meet you in person at the appointed time.

Preston

Great post. I think many struggle with momentum, or what I call the "sheep-on-a-gerbil-wheel" problem. We blindly follow the heard on a set path. It's not our chosen path necessarily, but one that has been trodden by inertia or life-events or whatever. It's always a good idea a constantly re-asses where you are, what is important to look for an exit if necessary. Thanks.

No though just what hits me again is how all is presented as human (anthropo) centric. No relationship to the nature outside...

Or inside... Yet we are automatons who breathe n have instincts ( die with exctasy) All this focus, being out of reality, creates a sick(species lost) tumor (society)

I've done things many times because I've thought, that's what I want to do. Then after awhile, it wasn't what I wanted to do. Not to say I'm not happy, it's just I'm not totally satisfied. The search continues in my pursuit of happiness.

Liked this a lot. I'm very sure that understanding "why" you do or want to do something drives the "how, when and where". Thank you for this, enjoying many of your posts, animations and outlook on the world and our place in it.

Thanks so much for the thoughtful post. I just listened to your podcast episode with Tim 3 times in a row to soak up some of the gems you guys put out there. Interesting enough it rang true a little to me that even by listening to that podcast I immediately thought: "Hey I need to do this and that etc."

The nice thing is "this and that" seem to be things I have to create. So instead of training parrots because that's what sounds like a good idea I should decide exactly what I want to do. I'm thinking one parrot and then just hack into the mall's pa system might do it.

Point is I have been doing some deeper thinking into what I actually want which is not more money but more knowledge and time with my family. I am already working only about 4 - 6 hours per day which was a big cut from a couple years ago, but I am thinking of cutting down even more since we make more than we could need and spend the time on things I actually want.

Thanks again for the great post. Keep it up. Not sure how to thank you for great content but maybe I'll get you a shirt that says "the standard pace is for chumps". Let me know your size and where to send it and I'll get it for you for Christmas. :)

I ask myself this all the time. Great post! So often we don't know why we are doing something. Figure it out, find your passion and do it. That's what I am realizing. Just need to remind myself periodically.

Hi Derek,

Can you please review the book "hooked - nir eyal".?
Nope. — Derek

Reread this a second time. No punches pulled. Thanks
Bart

I'm 27. Everyone I know is trying to do a little bit of everything. I can't seem to get myself to buy in. Actually the more I try, the less I want to do, lol.

Thanks for the encouragement. I will continue to follow my compass, even when people look at me like I'm crazy.

More people need to realize this. Love the post and thanks for everything you do!

I'm pushing towards improving the low teenage employment rate in New Zealand (and hopefully the world). It seems everywhere in the world has the chicken and egg problem of getting that first bit of experience.

It feels good because I dropped out of my uni education to chase a dream of helping others.

Check out our site https://parttimer.jobs/ if you're interested =)

Hi Derek

This is Rodney Bourne.

You friend in Curacao.

Great post.

Exactly what I needed.

I hope all is well in Singapore or
The other great places you love
living.

Please keep in touch.

Success

Regards

Rodney Bourne
Being the Extreme Version of ?Myself?

From the moment i saw one of ur posts, i could tell i stumbled into someone who comes out of experience. Your words gives me clarity and one day i think i will have a fulfilling life.
Thanks for sharing whatever u shared.

Lovely and perfectly timed.

Really made me think about what I'm doing. Great article!

Enjoyed your post Derek, thought provoking and encourages clarity then reminds me to focus on the end goal! Thanks!

I see Grant Currie is 56 and is "figuring it out." Well Steve, I'm 88 and this age group presents its own problems. Retired (of course) after a long life in the health sciences, and after eight years of fishing, I can't get my legs to take me to where the fish are! Yup, it's time for a change and it occurs more than once in a lifetime. I believe I'm as enthusiastic about this new objective as I was about my original professional goal. Seems that state-of-mind doesn't change with time.

Great article.

Derek
This post reminds me of any great truth. I never thought about the ideas before I read the post but having read it I think it is a truth I have always known. It is so truly true and simple and obvious that it takes a genius to tell the rest of us about it. Only a truly extraordinary fish could tell the other fish what water tastes like in a way that they would go 'right yes I never noticed it before but now you say it...'
Thanks for the post. I have found it liberating and it has clarified what I really want.
I found you through Tim Ferris'spodcast. Please include me in your book notes list.
Go raibh maith agat.
Paul
Dublin

Good post. I want to retire next year. I'm 65 years old and have worked for others the majority of my life. I want to work for myself. Recently I was sitting on the beach in the Dominican Republic with my best friend of over 50 years. She has worked as a consultant for the last several years. She commands her own schedule and is now working for $1,000 dollars a day. She looked at me and said "Vita, you are so gifted! Why not try your hand at working for yourself"! Something clicked inside of me and that something has been in the front of my brain for the last several days. Why NOT!!!! I've never been my own boss. I have so many skill-sets. I CAN MASTER MY OWN SHIP. I want to retire, but my mind doesn't, and my body doesn't. I cannot see myself sitting on my balcony watching the birds go by. I am a natural achiever, I get things done, I've accomplish so much in my life. I'm gonna give this a go. I CAN DO IT.

Short and sweet! This is an awesome perspective and something I am starting to realize. I am tired of struggling financially, I want money and lots of it, not just to be rich, but to have more joy in the family, since it is what my husband and I fight about most. I have always felt guilty for saying I want to be rich, but not anymore. Thanks for stating that as being okay. Brilliant :)

Dear Derek,
I made a single "It's Good" with my autistic son Mark (ii)now 35. It is all over the web like a rash. I think SPOTIFY is flogging it & not paying me (MP3).
Bunch of Schwedisc..h so-&-sos.
I would like to send you a cd of another project, and get your thoughts. I will include a small explanatory. note with it.
I am close to 80 now Derek. Playing good piano A La FATs, (Waller of course)
My son Mark,plays drums on It's Good. He is now in State CARE. When we were a duo I used to warm up my fingers on it.
We have a nice spare3 room flat here you can stay free if you fancy visiting OZ.

Derek, an old post, someone just reminded me of this post and I read it again.Would like to thank you for what you do.
Thanks Sushill! — Derek

Thanks for the tip! I tend to be somewhat impulsive on one hand and very regimented on the other. The freedom I seek by taking this course should be a relief from my cut and dried work life. I need to be practical and creative. I want to blend my talents and use that blend for success.

We're all wired differently and therefore have different paths. Finding one's path is the key to success difficult as it may be....

Great topic.

In fact the most difficult part is to know really what we are after ...

Thanks so much for your article. It was powerful in opening my mind to the many reasons that have been kicking around in my head for quite a while, as to am a retired school teacher and Principal.I receive a decent monthly pension, but during recovery from a stroke in my fifties, I experienced bankruptcy, and got pulled all the way back to the beginning of my earning life.
Obviously, the pension doesn't begin to provide me with the type of retirement I had imagined for myself. In addition, the sudden and early retirement derailed my plans of paying off student loans for my daughters, leaving them struggling with the burden of loans in an increasingly expensive economy.
My bucket list is not a modest one. An avid traveler, and passionate volunteer, there are lots of things in lots of countries on this beautiful planet that I have yet to accomplish.
YOur article has helped my so much to clarify my thinking as to why I am trying to start a business at this late time in my life. Thank you!

That makes sense. I want to be in a position where I'm
Making money in my sleep all from different streams of income. I need to put myself in a position where my money will bring to make itself.

This is brilliant and I appreciate especially the part about other people saying what I want or how I want to get it is wrong. I'm only 27 and I'm sick and tired of people telling me I'm not using my degree right, I'm not being successful properly, etc. I have my goals, I love what I'm doing to reach those goals, and that's all that matters.

Thank you for your insight and inspiring words. I certainly think about deathbed regrets and hopefully have avoided them by following and taking action on my own desires and dreams. And, you are right it does take a significant "why" to stay the course. Great post.

Hey Derek,

This is the first time that I've been on your blog, but I've read Anything You Want probably about 4 times. I really like your rational behind things. This post in particular helped me think differently about my desires. Instead of thinking about what other people think that I should want, I need to be honest about what I really want.

Thanks for the wisdom!

This is helping me pinpoint the reason for allowing the desire (and talent) to write become an even bigger reality. As I mull this over, I realize the true "whys" are rising to the surface, to explode and become all that they can help me become.

Well written and thought-provoking.I spent years building a career in education. I retired and now I am looking for new horizons. I am nervous about going ahead but will jump right in and give it my best. Change is a door opening and I am going to jump through that doorway.

in spire at on somen
The big picture is the bottom line"
We live in a petri dish that has been left to it s own demise( fell of the end of very long table in a very lonely room .
Not much of our fantasy perception is accurate , we have a semblance of a notion about energy flow.
The basis is the base to all spirit dream grandeur of personal importance, ego.

Simply
fooiku

I see some comments are about explaining why to others, and changing yourself over time.

I have no advice, but can contribute a bid of trivia:

One of the best U.S. civil war union generals, William Tecumseh Sherman, said to never give reasons for your actions, (orders?) because your reasons can change. (While presumably the actions would remain the same)

More trivia: His middle name was after an aboriginal chief whom his father admired. Here in Calgary, far from the ocean, we have a naval base (stone frigate) with that name.

Very wise advice! Thank you.

Thank you for the motivation, Derek, my 'Why' is already posted on my computer.

Very truthful and honest.

Great pep talk on focusing on what is important to me, and letting that drive me! And it’s a never-ending process.

I love the sentence that says, "You can’t diffuse your energy, trying to do a little bit of everything, or you’ll always be in conflict with yourself."

I find I do that to myself all the time because I'm always trying to take on things that don't belong to me. I need to admit when I am enabling so that I quit doing it.

Thank you! I have never heard things put in such a succinct way. Now when and what I choose to do will be much easier for me to decide. I have to realize the ’why’ and then work forward from that point on. In the past, I have often done things because you (I) should, or because that’s what’s expected. Rarely (due to personal circumstances), have I thought of my ‘why’. I will continue to help those who definitely require it of me, but I will be taking the time to fulfill my ‘why’ as well!

In life, I have become skilled at many things but not a guru of anything. I enjoy Riesling, writing, helping others to their happy! I love crocheting, I love no, I love many crafts...but most of all seeing it come together to make someone else happy.

My why is, I want to do something providing a WAH income that allows me the freedom to work in my jammies or business casual. I’d like to be able to work from my home or yours. But most of all, something that is fulfilling and makes me happy as I serve the same to others.

This article was so inspiring yet transparent enough to make it easy to admit that I have more than one why yet a selfish one, wanting to be happy. I am so tired of saying why to all the hate.

After working on a 9 to 5 job for more years than I care to remember, I always felt limited. More specifically, I've worked for Los Angeles County for the past 17 years and I've never been able to secure a job within the County that is fulfilling and utilizes my talents. I secured a job as a medical secretary for a major hospital and that's as far as I was able to go. I had an immediate supervisor and a manager who did not want to see me advance and did everything in their power to see to it that I did not. I want to be free from that. I want to obtain work through my own efforts and my own merit. I never want to be limited again. That's my "why." I want to be able to work freely without anyone trying to hinder my efforts. I want to work without limits. It is only then that I will realize my full potential.

I was truly touched by your post. I've spent the better part of my life embracing other people's dreams and goals and being the ultimate cheerleader. I don't mind that, however, I also want to be my own cheerleader! I was raised in a religious catholic home and my sister and I were taught that you never brag about yourself; if you are good, people will notice! I am still a devout catholic but also know that God gave me many talents and I've squandered some of them to support other people's goals. I co-own a business with my husband but it's about his profession. He has been the primary income producer for our family and I've taken care of the home, kids, etc. I enjoy what I've learned through our company and helping, however, we've lost a few clients so now it's my time and I want to use my gifts to earn a lot of money and inspire others in the process. Thank you for reading. I-M

I have been thoughtful from this piece.
A goal is not a destination, or measurable, or a motivator. No. Although objectives can be all those things. A goal is a why.

My first white collar job was as a recreation therapist at a big institution with sheltered workshops. I was hired because folks were bored with "same old, same old" and "different day, same stuff."

So I swiftly planned lots of leisure and recreation classes, thinking we would "just do it." Nope. My boss said, Not so fast. He said that even as folks are doing their games, if you don't have a goal for something to happen, "then somehow, nothing happens." It's hard to explain zen mindfulness in words, but—he was right.

Goals before objectives. And goals are a why. I guess different songs and art pieces start with a different why.

I will be doing more thought on this, as I would do well to formulate some whys in my life.

Interesting and very true, yet I find it incredibly difficult to tease out what I really want to do. I know I enjoy writing and white it is cathartic, I do it to connect with people. I am attracted to watching speeches of writers that have or are retiring and how many people they have provided wisdom, clarity and a model for. I really would love some day to be up there and know that I contributed to someone else's life in such a personal way.

Great insight and clarity!!

I found this excerpt from Derek Sivers to be very straight-forward, to the point, and completely true. The beginning and ending statements made the most impact on me. As you detailed in the last lesson of Module 1...

"It's crucial to know why you are doing what you’re doing. Most people don’t know. They just go with the flow."

"That’s why you need to know why you’re doing what you’re doing. Know it in advance. Use it as your compass and optimize your life around it. Let the other goals be secondary."

My words for 2019..."Focus" and "Intention".

This was just what I needed to read! Thank you for the beautiful inspiration.. may it continue being passed on to many

Great perspective.

Ohh yes I get it. My family and husband are always telling me what is right for me ie the good paying job with good vacation time etc. Never letting me actually decide for myself.

Excellent advise. I hope you dont mind if I share it on my Linked IN and FB pages, givimg you full credit. Please confirm that I have your permission. TY!

I have always wanted to be in education and a mother. I have obtained both of those goals and enjoy them immensely.

Throughout my life I have comfortably fit into the role of being a supportive influence. I enjoy knowing my success spurs another's success. Observing and communicating are my most powerful tools. By observing I find where I am needed and how I am needed. Communicating creatively guides me to understanding and clearer focus.

At the stage in life I am at, I wish to be able to be more flexible with time. I want to be able to travel to visit my daughters and to explore the world. I wish to not have to worry about money. I find that the work I do now is not valued by the administration I work for. Not only in a monetarily am I not respected but also fundamentally. The knowledge I have innately and the knowledge I have gained formally hold little merit.

Being an associate working toward a common goal is something I feel I can do competently and successfully (I don’t think I have ever used those words to describe anything about me!). I enjoy collaborating, connecting, and creating on projects. Being a mother and in education, I have done those things for many years. Now I want to do them in a setting, work wise, where I don’t feel like I am in an un hill battle everyday.

Advocating is a skill that I have honed over the years. I have had success advocating for other and am just learning to feel good about advocating for myself. I teach others to advocate for themselves and have been lucky enough to have some of them tell me to practice what I preach!

Wow, I have more thoughts about what I am doing then I thought!

Very refreshing and accurate! Thank you!

Awesome! This is a great pep talk for myself. I have been doing so many jobs that I was not happy with. I decided to stop listening to others and do what I want step out of the sidelines and don't be afraid to follow my passion. You have gave me confidence and I am going to focus on my goal and stop listening to naysayers.. This help me to know "Why" I want my own business..

Thank you Sir.

This is awesome,'i can change my mind,it's a sign of progression' I like this.

Do you have email subscription for blogs, newsletters or something of the sort? I would love to subscribe.

Wow Derek, Thats deep. Very well written and thought out. It is so true that you really do need to know what you want to do and why (mind blowing). Even though I have known what I've wanted to do all my life and yes in all my carreers, I'm once again moving on, and yes I know what I want to do and why I want to do it. I'm smiling at you.

I have been reading things like this for years and it was all sound but perhaps it's also timing and being older and wanting to live my life for myself and not because others say...

I want to work from wherever so that I can be with family and work and they are spread out. I want time with my dog and to work on other writing. I want time to attend to my goals and start thinking how I want to live my life and be open to living.

I think I read the right words.

My why is finding that freedom within and putting it on paper I have struggled with my why for a very long time and I am working on it.

I wouldn’t necessarily call mine wanting to make all the money possible or to be rich. I just want this to help me with getting some of my freedom back. Thought this article was very enlightening to myself.

Thank you for this information I think it is very important to realize why we do what it is we do. very important thank you the help of knowing.

Why are you doing?
I must admit and pursue what I want without no regrets. I want to be wealthy, and successful. I want to influence ppl to pursue their dreams. I want to be able to work my business from anywhere in the world and to be able to travel with my husband to different parts of the world while he is filming.

This message spoke very loud to me.
I often get analysis paralysis simply because I know I have a lot to learn and I just do not want to make a big premature mistake. I am starting to realize I need to trust myself. Mistakes are a part of learning and life changing decisions can often times be scary, but they are necessary when creating the lifestyle of your dreams. I am learning that I do not need to know everything to begin my journey to success. Thank you for sharing this.

This is actually in tune with the changes I'm making in my life. Before I started this course, I began positive thinking and meditation and creative visualization. I know I can achieve my goals.

Derek,

I have now heard two interviews with you in the last couple of days. I enjoyed the clarity that you bring to these life issues and look forward to reading your observations about life.

In retirement I decided to take on the task of becoming a competitive tango dancer and placed third after five years of deep commitment to it. But as I look back at my business life, and four different businesses I started, I think of how valuable your insight would have been had I had access to it then. I did read and had handy "The E myth" and "The E myth revisited" but you certainly have a knack of honing in to what's valuable. It's worth spreading.

Thank you.

H.

I enjoyed the introduction piece. Very thought provoking!

Life changing. It has helped me to redefine my goals. This helped me to be more focused. Thank you for sharing this Gina.

Thoughts:
Secondly, as regards choosing "balance" as a goal, which Derek says (in the comments) is OK, I think of happy pentathlon or triathlon folks, who work very hard while knowing they will never be "the best" at any of the events specifically.

Firstly, I relate to comment# 176 of Jeanne trying to please a dead mother, who took lots of courses and things. I once read that such night school courses are attended by teachers and social workers which suggests to me a value of learning and teaching. Also, (as Derek does) of self improvement.

Given that we learn by role modelling, what I could have done as a young man was find an old couple to be like parents for me. Too bad I didn't. Part of the difficulty in breaking free of one's "nearest and dearest" is admitting that they were (evil) liars. "Poor but honest" and liars. I relate to the girl in Summer of My German Soldier who kept thinking the best of her parents and towns people.

It's hard to spot, and to name, abuse. In the U.S. college football expose Meat on the Hoof abused former players years later say they feel bad about not measuring up. Like I say, hard to spot.

When I did sports and military service we would (figuratively) chew on each other's arms and legs because we had grown up that way and didn't know any better. As a middle aged person no one in my circles is like that.

What has helped me be mentally free is to say "There is no middle ground."
If an action or spoken sentence is not nurturing, then it is abusive.
It would be nice if coaches and mothers had my best interest at heart, but sometimes, or most times, they don't. And it drives me mad.

I want to make money so I can take my mom to see the world.

This is especially insightful. You can set many goals for your whole life, but before setting those goals you'd better be clear about what you really want to do right now. Stick to this most appealing goal, optimize it and let go of the others. If you elongate the time frame upon which we consider life goals, you may understand that we can chase the other goals later.

If you don't really know what you want to do, here it's a tip called the Gravestone Method which you might hear before. Imagining you've died, what kind of comment you want to be inscribed on your gravestone? A great scientist who makes breakthrough results on a specific project? A great musician who gives a excellent performance in Sydney Music Theatre before his 50s etc.

And you can also imagine what kind of comments would you like to hear from the people attending your funeral. Take me as an example, I want my parents to say that I am a very filial and responsible person, I want my wife to say that I am a good husband who will help cook and take care of the household chores, I want my children to say that I'm a good father.I want my colleagues to say that I am a good researcher etc.

It won't draw you a crystal clear blueprint of your future, but it definitely helps to figure out what is worth of noticing in your daily life.

Hope my comment will be vaguely helpful. (P.S I'm not native speaker, and my English is not very good. There might some unnatural expressions in the comment.Hope it doesn't bother you.)