Happiness is a vague concept. We all want it, but we don’t want to do much to get it. Instead, we believe it’s something that should happen without much effort.

The truth, however, is quite different: Happiness doesn’t happen. It requires effort. And that’s probably why negative feelings across the world have been rising, even before the pandemic.

From 2010 to 2018, negative emotions such as worry, sadness, and anger have been rising by up to 27 percent globally.

The American economist Jeffrey Sachs even states that we are in an era of rising tensions and emotions.

The good news, however, is that we can widely influence those emotions. Additionally, we can learn from those who seem to lead happy lives and adapt their positive habits to our own reality.

Just because the phone is ringing doesn’t mean you have to respond

Genuinely satisfied people aren’t reactive. They are calmer than the average person and they make decisions based on their intuition, not on external stimuli.

The technological advancement of the past decades taught us to be available and reactive all the time.

When the phone rings, most people stop what they’ve been doing and pick it up. The same is true for text messages.

Instead of using our smartphones to our advantage and turning them into helpful companions, we became their reactive slaves.

Researchers of the Florida State University found that push notifications kill our focus and concentration even if we don’t respond to the call or message.

Another study on the cost of interrupted work states that it can take up to 23 minutes to get back to a productive work state after receiving a notification.

Now, the harsh reality is that you probably receive more than one notification per day.

As a result, you end up being distracted and unfocused most of the time.

What happens next is that your to-do list becomes longer instead of shorter, your mind is scattered, you feel stressed, can’t think clearly, and feel anxious instead of happy.

The solution? Don’t let the outside dictate your inner world.

Set boundaries and protect your mental health and energy. Just because the phone is ringing doesn’t mean you have to respond immediately. You can call back later. Or not call back at all.

Just because someone’s calling or messaging you doesn't mean you have to respond at all.

Good intentions don’t work

Most people who’re deeply satisfied don’t rely on obscure intentions. Instead, they create specific resolutions and stay disciplined to achieve their goals.

Resolutions work better when they’re concrete, not abstract. It’s harder to keep a resolution to “be a more loving parent” than to “get up 15 minutes early so I’m dressed before the kids wake up”.

— Gretchen Rubin

Vague plans barely lead to concrete outcomes. Specific actions, however, can help you to become a happier and more fulfilled version of yourself.

Of course, keeping the resolution is the hardest part, but it all starts with defining that goal in the first place.

We are much more likely to make progress on a project that’s broken into specific and measurable action steps.

And even though being happier might sound like a vague goal, you can indeed turn it into an actionable plan by setting rules like:

• Don’t take your phone to the bedroom
• Meditate for five minutes every day
• Read for 15 minutes before going to bed
• Talk to a friend or family member every day
• Keep your home and workplace tidy
• Spend less money on things and more time on experiences

Keep calm and stay quiet

As a teenager, I was extroverted and dead keen to be the center of attention.

I’ve been loud and annoying and always had something to say, even when I actually had nothing meaningful to share.

Years later, I realized that my desire for attention was due to internal insecurities.

I was so afraid of appealing insecure and confronting my weaknesses that I chose to appear bold and confident, even though my confidence was fake.

Going through this struggle taught me that genuinely satisfied people don’t desire to constantly talk and share their two cents on any given topic.

Instead, they can shut up, stay calm, and listen properly.

If they don’t have anything meaningful to add to the conversation, they stay quiet or openly admit that they don’t know.

Nothing feels as good as something you do from the heart

In his bestselling book Blink, Malcolm Gladwell describes how most of our decisions and actions are based on snap judgments that happen within split seconds.

According to Gladwell, our intuitive judgment can often be superior to our conscious decisions:

“There can be as much value in the blink of an eye as in months of rational analysis.”

Truly happy people can use that snap judgment to their advantage by relying on their instincts and listening to their inner voice.

If we’re stressed, anxious, and overwhelmed, we typically overcomplicate simple decisions. That’s partly because we’re so afraid of a negative outcome that we prefer not to make a decision at all.

Happy people, however, go with all their heart. They are so confident of the outcome that they can wait without anxiety.

Don’t expect life to be hard

We all know that shit happens and that life’s not always peace, love, and harmony. Yet, it’s up to you to choose how to deal with that fact.

Most people feel insecure when life seems to be too good to be true.

They expect bad things to happen if everything went well for a while. While that might first sound rational, the reality is that these thoughts are holding you back from enjoying the present, positive moment while it’s here.

You can’t live a genuinely satisfying life if you constantly expect bad things to happen.

That’s not about being an optimist, pessimist, or rationalist; it’s all about making the most of the moments you have.

You need to believe that you deserve to be happy right now, even if an unexpected difficulty might arise tomorrow.

Stop expecting life to be hard and start expecting great things to happen in your favor.

You’ll always have time to figure out how to master a difficult situation, but you won’t get a second shot at enjoying this moment in time.

People over paycheck

Once a baseline of income is met, our happiness varies more based on the quality of our relationships than our income.

That’s partly due to a phenomenon called belongingness hypothesis, which states that we have a fundamental need to feel connected to other humans.

From an evolutionary perspective, belonging to a group of people was not a nice-to-have but essential for survival.

As a lone wolf, you didn’t have much chance to survive and likely ended up starving to death or being killed by wild animals.

That’s why humans across the globe are still born with a strong desire to form and nurture close relationships.

If someone’s constantly talking about their income or the expensive nonsense they recently purchased but barely mentions their friends or family, you can be pretty sure they’re not the happiest person deep inside.

The more satisfied someone is with their relationships — be it romantic, friends, or family — the happier they are in general.

“The relationship factor is usually the best predictor of whether people are happy or not. If I cannot ask people directly how happy they are, I ask them how satisfied they are with their social relationships, because that gives me the answer.”

— Meik Wiking

Happiness doesn’t always make you feel happy

Quite often, we confuse genuine happiness with fake smiles. We look at fake Instagram posts of influencers and celebrities and believe they’re the happiest people because of their polished pictures.

The truth, however, is that pure satisfaction has little to do with a smile on your face.

Jeff Sachs, co-creator of the World Happiness Report and professor at Columbia University, defines happiness as follows:

“The satisfaction with the way one’s life is going. It’s not primarily a measure of whether one laughed or smiled yesterday, but how one feels about the course of one’s life.”

This definition also explains why Nordic countries like Finland and Denmark are ranked the happiest places even though the population isn’t particularly cheerful.

The Danes or Swedes don’t experience long, hot summer months, don’t wear colorful clothes, and don’t dance on streets like Brazilian samba dancers.

Yet, they’ve been making it to the top of global happiness rankings for several years. The population in Nordic countries isn’t cheerful, but they’re genuinely satisfied.

That’s partly because they feel safe and secure rather than cheerful.

Energy leads to happiness

When we’re happy, we tend to feel more energized. But it also works the other way around: When we’re energized, we engage in activities like socializing and exercise, which make us feel happier.

In her book The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin describes how small routines that make us feel more energized can help to boost our everyday happiness.

Rubin recommends simple strategies such as:

• Going to sleep earlier (and getting enough sleep)
• Exercising
• Organizing your home and workplace
• Acting more energetic in our daily life
• Going on daily walks

More than a century ago, the German philosopher Friedrich Nitzsche said:

“All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking.”

Today, science proves that the simple act of stepping outside and getting some sunlight can help us feel less tired and more energized because our bodies produce serotonin and dopamine.

When we lack energy, even simple tasks can feel painful and be a burden. Being energized, however, helps us to get our job done more efficiently and with more clarity.

You can buy happiness

“You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy cake, and that is almost the same thing — at least, that might be our brain’s opinion.”

— Meik Wiking

One of the biggest misconceptions about happiness is that you can’t buy it.

Well, of course, you can’t go to the mall and come back home with a bag of happiness.

But you can make smart choices on how to spend your money, which in return can positively influence your level of happiness. Money has a different value to each of us, but how we use our financial resources can indeed influence our emotions.

Financial anxiety is one of the biggest worries of our time, so even if we try to neglect it, financial stability makes us happy.

The problem is that we’re not aware of it as long as we don’t face problems. We don’t think about money or health as long as nothing’s wrong. But once there’s a problem, we can’t stop thinking about it.

Final thoughts

While most people think of happiness as a personality trait, the reality is that it’s a habit.

To be your happiest self, you need to be aware of how you spend your days and consciously decide to spend your time and money on the right activities and people.

Let’s wrap up how you turn the secrets of genuinely happy people into your superpower:

• Just because the phone is ringing doesn’t mean you have to respond: Your devices should simplify your life, not make it harder.
• Good intentions don’t work: Set small and specific resolutions instead.
• Keep calm and stay quiet: You don’t need to add your two cents to every conversation. Embrace the luxury of staying silent or saying I don’t know.
• Nothing feels as good as something you do from the heart: Allow yourself to live a more intuitive life.
• Don’t expect life to be hard: Shit happens, but you can choose to focus on the bright side as long as you’re alive.
• People over paycheck: Spend more time nourishing the relationships with people you deeply care about.
• Happiness doesn’t always make you feel happy: Sometimes, happiness is about taking care of things that first make you feel uncomfortable.
• Energy leads to happiness: Start small habits (like a daily walk) that’ll help you feel more energized throughout your day.
• You can buy happiness: Be more careful and intentional about how you spend your money. If done correctly, it can indeed help you boost your happiness.

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