“Encourage, lift and strengthen one another. For the positive energy spread to one will be felt by us all. For we are connected, one and all.” — Deborah Day

I personally hate to feel vulnerable. I can’t remember how many times I lend a hand to a loved one, how many times I went out of my way to help others and the numerous times I offered unconditional support to close ones and to strangers. However, I do recall the few times when I needed help and when I asked for it, I despised myself. I felt unworthy and weak after that. I felt that I was a failure. I was overwhelmed and wasn’t in control anymore. This is the most difficult thing to do. It leaves me with a bitter feeling. A heavy weight on my chest. I always wanted to burry my head in the sand. But you know what? It turns out that all this time I was wrong…

People like me, who can’t accept help sink into a never-ending dilemma and hurt, sometimes rage. A series of “what ifs” questions run in their heads. What if I am perceived as weak? What if I lose control? What if I am humiliated? What if I can’t return the favor? What if I am burdening them?

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There’s no shame in asking for support when you need it. It’s amazing to be independent and work things out on your own but doing so by yourself all the time can take a toll on your mental wellbeing. It’s true, helping others and being there for them all the time brings meaning into your life and satisfaction, sometimes happiness. It gives you a sense of purpose. But you’re a human being as well, you too need help at times. Imagine your giving is like planting a seed in a field, one day, this seed will grow to become a plant or a tree which in turn, will benefit you in the end. In this world of ours, we function on the law of balance. Nothing goes one way. You give and you get back so that you create balance. The idea is for you to accept support and later give back because giving back teaches us to find compassion and to create this balance.

Think about it. Here’s the deal:

- When you seek support, you remain focused as you’re sharing your task with someone else. You ease your tasks.

- When you seek support, you’ll create chances for others to share their talents. You empower others and you learn more about their strengths and desires.

- When you seek support, you allow others to feel the happiness that comes from giving.

- When you seek support, you trust others and this trust strengthens your relationship.

- When you seek support, you admit that you’re flawed just like every other human being and people will relate to you. We all have room to grow one way or the other.

So, what can you do to break the ice and start accepting help from others?

1- Allow yourself to be susceptible

Practice letting go of control. You need to allow yourself to feel vulnerable so that you can let others step in and lend you a hand.

2- Ask yourself why

When you have difficulty with others taking control, try to look for answers and find out why you feel this way. Ask yourself — Why am I stopping others from helping me? Is it because I feel unworthy of this help? Do I want to feel strong all the time? Am I even invincible?

Only you can answer these questions and trust me, you’ll find the rational answers to them.

3- Give the people around you the opportunity to give back!

Don’t be greedy. The world doesn’t revolve around you. Give others the chance to do the same.

Accepting support isn’t only about you. It’s also about the person you’re allowing to give you. It’s about you making them feel appreciated and trusted. Change your mindset. Have an open mind and give others the chance to give you like you give them.

4- Be grateful and feel their appreciation

Start a journal of gratitude. List down how thankful and grateful you are that someone in your life is caring enough and willing to give you the support you need. Not many people are fortunate and blessed with receiving or finding the help they need.

5- Practice asking for help… it will be given

Whenever you need help, ask! Don’t let your ego take over and stop you from doing so. Don’t fear rejection. Allow others to help you and if they don’t wish to do so, there’s nothing wrong with that. Move on and seek support elsewhere.

“Never let your ego get in the way of asking for help when in desperate need. We have all been helped at a point in our lives.” — Edmond Mbiaka

Receiving, like giving, is an act of kindness. When we’re offered help, we know we matter. And knowing that we matter is a supporting experience. It makes us feel loved and appreciated and cared for. Besides, you allow the person giving you to feel strong and worthy.

Next time you feel you need support, shut this ego of yours up and seek help… Be kind to yourself.

Asking for help doesn’t mean that you’re weak… it means that you’re wise.

We thrive by helping each other. We flourish by lifting each other up. Humanity prospers in helping each other and there’s always strength in being vulnerable and acting like a human being.

Loved ones are very crucial in our lives. You get to define who they are. Whether family or friends — they’re the people you trust and feel safe and happy around. Don’t hesitate to seek their help and accept their support and your life will change to the better. It’s a two-way lane, accepting support from others helps you connect with them and will make you feel appreciated and focused. Equally, giving back will make you feel happier. Giving and receiving activates your brain’s reward center. Which means releasing endorphins which make you feel warm and content. This too means lower stress and higher self-esteem.

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