Summary.    Bad days at work are inevitable, just as some degree of frustration and ennui is bound to be a part of almost any job. In this article, the author shares advice from two experts on what to do if you’re stuck in the gray area of deciding whether your job is merely...

Some days, you hate, hate, hate your job. Other days, you wonder if you’re truly unhappy or just coming to terms with the reality that workdays can often feel like a long, tedious slog.

It’s even harder to tell the difference if your friends and colleagues constantly complain about their jobs. Once a group vent session begins, a creeping sense of self-doubt takes root. “You think, ‘Am I being entitled by wanting more or is it really this bad?’” says Jenny Blake, a former career development program manager at Google and author of three books, including Pivot and Free Time. “You can write it off as a first-world problem, but work is where you spend the vast majority of your waking hours, so it matters.”

Gaining clarity is important for your happiness as well as your career success, adds Carla Harris, a senior client advisor at Morgan Stanley and the author of Expect to Win: 10 Proven Strategies for Thriving in the Workplace. Without it, “you might make an emotional decision to quit too soon and miss out on valuable learning experiences, or stay in a job too long and stagnate.”

It’s natural to feel scared and uncertain when you’re stuck in the gray area of deciding whether your job is merely mediocre (and could potentially improve) or downright soul-crushing (and might require a change). To help you sort it out, Blake and Harris suggest asking yourself these seven questions.

1. Is the workplace toxic? 

Let’s be clear: Some jobs — and some organizations — are legitimately terrible and toxic. You might find yourself in a workplace where you’re treated as disposable. You have an abusive manager who gaslights you, undercuts your efforts, or belittles your accomplishments. The prevailing culture is “one of fear and intimidation, where employees are routinely made to feel small,” says Harris.

Work can also feel poisonous when you’re being forced to compromise your personal values. (Doctors and psychologists say this can lead to “moral injury.”) It’s quite possible that you’ve become so accustomed to a toxic work environment that you’ve begun to perceive it as normal. A warning sign that your job is harming your well-being is when you notice your physical health taking a hit, says Blake. You’re perpetually stressed, exhausted, and have difficulty sleeping. “When you’re actively uncomfortable at work or even [when you’re] thinking about work, it’s an alarm bell that the way you’re working isn’t working,” says Blake. Plan your exit strategy.

2. Do you feel depleted?  

Maybe your job isn’t toxic, but it still drains your energy. And when you hear others talk about feeling tired from work, you second-guess whether your weariness is a marker of misery or a typical part of adult life. The difference depends on the nature of the fatigue and whether it stems from manageable challenges or represents a constant, unyielding sense of depletion, Blake says.

Life stressors, such as having a newborn at home or a grueling commute, can complicate your thinking, she adds. Before making any rash decisions, consider whether your issues are temporary — big projects will surely wrap; your baby will one day sleep through the night — or are likely to persist long-term. Give your situation time to stabilize and improve, and talk with your boss and team about reducing the overwhelming parts of your job. “Look for what you can automate, delegate, and eliminate,” says Blake. If you’re in a “churn and burn” culture, however, lasting change may be unlikely. says Blake. 

3. Are you miserable or are you bored?

It’s easy to confuse the two, especially when boredom becomes a chronic issue. Research shows that persistent boredom can lead to depression, anxiety, and stress. “Work feels deeply draining when you’re not creatively engaged; your tasks don’t resonate with you; or your responsibilities are mind-numbingly unenjoyable,” says Blake. Occasional boredom is expected — hey, some days you’re not feeling it — but if it becomes a daily struggle and “there’s nothing in your job that lights you up,” the tedium can sap your job satisfaction, she says.

Boredom could also be a sign that you’ve outgrown your role. Harris suggests reflecting on the “skills you want to develop, the professional experiences you want to have, and the types of people you want to meet.” Check to see if your company has opportunities that match what you’re looking for. Talk with your boss and network with colleagues to learn about other jobs within the organization. But if your company lacks those opportunities, look for alternatives. 

4. Is there anything about the job you enjoy? 

Whether your job is a soul-sucking abyss or is “meh” but has potential for improvement lies in the presence of redeeming qualities that make it worthwhile for you, according to Blake. Miserable? You probably won’t find any positives. But in a so-so yet salvageable job, they might just be hidden. Blake recommends thinking about the parts of your job that are fulfilling and helping you grow. This includes opportunities to learn, develop new skills, or work alongside smart colleagues. Perhaps you have some occasional moments of flow or “you have one meaty project that’s stretching you in new ways.” If so, pursue more of those through job crafting. If the only upside is a paycheck — which is not insignificant — Harris recommends exploring how to boost your earnings at your organization. “See if you can make the job work for you.”

5. Are you really giving it your best effort? 

Sometimes the problem is not the job itself but rather how you’re approaching it. It’s possible you might be playing a role in your own unhappiness, says Harris. “Think about how you show up at work,” she says. “Are you coming in with a can-do attitude? Are you presenting yourself as driven and dynamic? And are you genuinely giving it your all?” You don’t need to be an aggressive go-getter pushing yourself to the brink of burnout, but hating on your job while putting in half-hearted effort is a fruitless feedback loop. Think about your interactions with colleagues. Research shows that emotions are contagious and if you’re emanating negativity, those around you will likely pick up on that and respond in kind. Self-awareness is key, says Blake. “Consider whether you’d be proud of your contributions when you look back on this job.” 

6. Do you need different friends? 

No, seriously. It’s easy to bond with coworkers over workplace gripes. There’s a reason for this: Our brains are wired to focus on negative experiences, thanks to a phenomenon called the “negativity bias.” This makes us more likely to dwell on what we dislike, what’s missing, and what’s not working. Kvetching can be cathartic, but it’s not productive. “And when you’re caught in a negative vortex, the lens through which you view work becomes polluted,” says Harris. “The last thing you want is to make professional decisions based on group think.” So, try changing the conversation. Instead of competing in the Bad Boss Olympics, Blake suggests a round of “rose-thorn-bud,” where each person shares a recent success, a current challenge, and something they’re looking forward to. “Be mindful about how you’re talking about work.”

7. Have you tried everything, but still feel awful about work?

Job dissatisfaction can often feel like a shapeshifting fog hanging over you. It can range from a vague, nagging sense of unease to a heavy, unrelenting malaise. It’s especially hard to pinpoint when, on the surface, you have what many would consider a “good job”: interesting projects, great colleagues, and a steady paycheck. “You think, ‘What’s wrong with me? On paper, my job seems fine. Why aren’t I happy?’” says Blake. Don’t rush, she says, but also don’t stick it out in a job that drains you. “There’s no need to martyr yourself in misery,” she says. For whatever reason, “this particular job is not what’s best for your personal operating system.” 

Bad days at work are inevitable, just as some degree of frustration and ennui is bound to be a part of almost any job. But you need to pay attention to the extent and frequency of these feelings, and be especially aware when external influences like complaining friends or coworkers might be clouding your judgment. It’s also important not to confuse the discomfort that comes with being challenged at work with abject misery, says Harris. Personal growth often comes from navigating and overcoming obstacles. “Some days you get negative feedback; sometimes results are disappointing,” she says. “Sometimes the lessons you learn are unpleasant, but they also cause you to grow. Don’t walk away too soon from what could be a good experience.”