I miss the feeling of being creative. Of not having to create within any parameter that wasn’t my own. As designers, we have so much love for problem-solving and working towards common end goals, with people we care about. I miss the fever of making anything I want.

Which, isn’t to say that’s impossible. Outside of working hours, that’s totally possible. But creativity doesn’t work that way. How much of yourself do you have to give to your art after an 8-hour workday?

While the real world seems so stuck in its ways and impossible to change, our online worlds are so easily manipulatable.

The dream

There’s so much good in UX. In Product Design. In Tech. There’s so much to be said about helping people. Helping create a world that’s more accessible. A more useable world. With so much of our lives confined to apps and social media, it’s rewarding to be at the frontier of making it the most accessible useable space it can be. Creating an actual level playing field for all of us.

While the real world seems so stuck in its ways and impossible to change, our online worlds are so easily manipulatable. And it feels both good, and bad, to be a part of that.

But there’s also a lot to be said about how hard that can be in this field. We’re always designing with a plan, purpose, parameter and end goal. Much of the time that end goal is profit. It’s fulfilling a business need that you know very little about. It can be something totally outside your realm of creativity. Sometimes it’s trapped within so many rules and parameters it feels less like creating and more like putting together a puzzle. You’re provided with the pieces, you’re mostly tasked with putting it together. So, the sale will look good to everyone else.

It’s all about your viewpoint. If you’ve decided that what you do will save the world. It can. You can view it through that lens. You can decide that every small update you make to your company’s website is helping someone. And it is.

The romance

When we started in UX there was no field of study more romantic. There was nothing more enthralling than the idea of combining art, money, tech and freedom. And, I don’t deny there still are few fields more romantic. I still believe that.

Design is a service, not a superpower.

But, I almost wish designers were allowed to be more selfish. I wish the idea of empathy throughout the process could take a step back, or at least seek some reformulation. That we could create for ourselves, even just a little bit. Maybe, for a second we focus on what we know works and how we know users feel, over the interest of the business. It’s a wildly unpopular opinion, and one I’m not sure I’m even fully invested in. Design is a service, not a superpower. We’re not meant to put our feelings above whatever we’re working towards. It’s the anti-thesis to user experience. But, I’m writing this because I know it’s a feeling many of us have had. The feeling of wanting to create what’s needed over what’s wanted.

But it all feels like a bait-and-switch. We’re hired for the expertise that constantly gets stomped on in favour of the higher-ups’ needs. That constantly gets overruled when deadlines are tight. Designers are hired for a creative touch that’s snuffed out as soon as we’re hired.

As frantic as we are to cling so desperately onto the altruism we were promised in design school: this is a job

The Job

While, I’ve never and would never discourage anyone from getting into the field of UX, throughout much of my time in the field, I’m reminded that it is a job. UX Design is just a job title. It’s as much a service like any other.

As frantic as we are to cling so desperately onto the altruism we were promised in design school: this is a job. As much as we’re forced to make it a part of our personality, keep up with design trends outside of work, talk and write endlessly about it and revolve every aspect of our personalities around it: it is a job. Some days are harder than others. Somedays you get frustrated. You won’t love every part of the job.

Once you remove the rose-coloured tech glasses you’ve been wearing and see it all as a job, it becomes easier to find its value. And to find your value, outside of being a designer. As a way of meeting like-minded people and working on things that make you proud. And that’s all there. You do feel those things. But it’s still a job.

I’m writing this for every other designer who’s feeling spent. Who’s missing the high of getting to create whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted. Who’s been feeling like your creative river has run dry, and you’re missing the spark you once had. Before you were jaded. Jaded by design, jaded by Tech. Jaded by all of it.

We’re still creatives. We’re still artists. Thankfully, that flavour doesn’t go away, no matter how much jade we add to the mix.