“Every time I meet someone new, I get so excited. Could this possibly be it? Can this turn into something more? As the night progresses, my excitement dims. Am I ever going to find a partner that truly makes me feel like it’s the right fit? Dating feels like a part-time job. I don’t know if I can keep doing this.”

Sound familiar? Or maybe this is you,

“Whenever I meet a great guy, things are good . . . at first. We have great conversations; we talk about the future and our goals. I feel the connection. However, as the relationship progresses, I notice the distance before we even hit the 3-month mark. He slowly starts to distance himself, and the replies become nonexistent. I don’t understand why I keep getting ghosted.”

Both of these scenarios are ones I’ve experienced and are extremely common. They make you think dating might not be in the cards for you; maybe I’m meant to be alone, you think to yourself.

You’re not meant to be alone, and you won’t be. The right fit is out there for you; you just need a little bit of honest dating advice to get you started.

Quit choosing people that don’t choose you.

Why pursue something that isn’t mutual?

This is something you can catch almost immediately if a person is genuinely interested in you.

They will take the time to show you their interest by taking action or communicating their interest. They won’t play games; they won’t play hard to get, they won’t be nonchalant. Instead, they’ll be upfront and bold in their affections.

You might be ready to dive in, but if the person you’re ready to give your all to remains elusive — it will only cause problems in the long run. Don’t try to convince yourself you’re okay with a non-committal vibe, don’t try to contort yourself into somebody you think they’ll be attracted to.

If the person you care about is emotionally unavailable, unwilling to commit right now, “but maybe in time,” it’s not worth the wait.

Why continue choosing situations where you’re are not seen, valued, and chosen?

Would you be friends with this individual if you weren’t physically attracted to them?

The best relationships are friendships.

You’re going to spend the rest of your life with this individual. If not the rest of your life, then a good bulk of your time. You can’t think in 2–3 year periods. Otherwise, you’re simply letting your life pass by.

When I first started dating, I knew my first serious relationship wouldn’t last. All the signs pointed to it, but I told myself it was just going to be for fun. Obviously, I won’t marry him or anything. I told my friends.

And I didn’t marry him, and it only lasted a short time, but it still hurt. When you date someone and become intimate with them, you give them a part of yourself that nobody else has access to. Whether you like it or not, you become emotionally connected.

If the person you’re choosing to be with can’t be a lifelong friend, then reconsider becoming romantic with them. And before even jumping into a relationship with them, ask yourself honestly if you would be friends with them in general.

Are they a good person? Do you get along with them? Do they offer value to your life? Or are you so blinded by your attraction towards them that you simply are bypassing the red flags?

Are you clear on what you want to give in a relationship?

It’s important to know what you want out of a relationship, but it’s also important to know what value you’re bringing to a partnership.

We think about everything we want out of someone, and we strive to meet The One and have our happily ever after, but what about them? What can you provide for them? Love and affection aren’t enough. It’s a partnership for a reason.

I always knew I wanted my partner to be handy. He needs to know how to fix a flat tire, how to unclog the toilet, how to kill a fat spider or fix a leaky sink.

Those are all things I wanted from a partner. In turn, I had things I wanted to provide to my partner as well. For instance, I’m very maternal when it comes to relationships. I love taking care of the people I love.

I’m emotionally supportive, and I’m willing to listen to you vent or complain, so I knew I would be bringing that into a relationship as well.

Relationships are 50/50; you have to give to receive. It’s not going to work if it’s unbalanced.

You don’t need to be perfect.

You don’t need to be perfect to be loved. Perfection isn’t relatable nor attainable. Everybody has flaws, wounds, scratches, and vulnerabilities. Being able to own what you’ve gone through in life is one of the most attractive things we can do.

The right person will embrace your flaws and all the imperfections you’ve tried so hard to hide.

After taking a dating hiatus, I started thinking that I had to become the best possible version of myself to meet the right person. The flawless one, someone who never complained, never acted out on accounts of being hurt, never felt frustrated with the typical day-to-day life irritations.

When I met my partner, I knew he was the one, but I knew my healing journey wasn’t over. I still wasn’t my best self, I was a work in progress, and when I told him that, he simply smiled and said, that’s okay, I am too.

Grow with your partner, learn with your person. Become great together and achieve success together. Don’t think that you can’t be with someone simply because you’ve got a few cracks in you. While your partner can’t ever fix you, they can help.

Quit being shocked by repeated behavior.

For example, if your partner is constantly bailing on you, stop expecting them to get better. Notice patterns and believe them.

A friend of mine started dating someone a few months ago, and when she introduced him to me at dinner, I immediately noticed something was off. He was drunk before we even got our first drinks.

I asked her about it, and she sighed and said, yeah, I couldn’t believe it either; he picked me up drunk last night. He promised he wouldn’t do that anymore; I have faith in him that he will see the error of his ways.

Don’t “have faith” that a person will see the error of their ways. If they make a mistake and apologize — fine, everybody deserves a second chance. However, if they’re repeatedly doing something that emotionally and physically harms you, then you need to get out before it gets serious. It’s simply a one-way street to an emotional rollercoaster that you don’t need to go on.

You want to be in a happy, loving, committed, and intimate relationship.

Maybe part of you is starting to believe it’s not possible because of all the hurt you’ve experienced in your life. Maybe you feel like you’ve been putting in so much work that dating doesn’t even feel fun anymore; it feels like a job you want to quit.

You need to take a step back, reassess, and get to the core of the issue. Are you dating the same person? Are you picking people that aren’t picking you? Are you dating someone whose core values and beliefs are so far from yours that it literally can’t work out, and you’re simply wasting energy?

It’s okay to take your time when it comes to love. It’s not easy asking yourself these types of questions, especially when you’re head over heels for someone, but it’s better to do it the right way rather than jump into the wrong one and suffer the consequences later.